Amusing/Un-Helpful Magic item idea help.

[Shoe]

one of my favorites I have doen is the Sword of WHAT THE!?! and the Scabbard of That's better. when you draw the sword you get a fish or something else rediculous and a hilt, you then must exclaim WHAT THE!?! and then put it back in the scabbard and then it will come back out a +2 shortsword and you have to say "That's better" or the blade will dissappear

also I have done some REALLY silly stuff like the Hood of Hoodlesness, it's a hooded cloak, if you put up the hood, it immediately flys back off again. I also had an amulet of protection that only effected the amulet itsself....I can keep 'em coming if you want

 

[Lord Ipplepop]

There are a couple of things that I have either created, or been a part of creating:

Mace of Healing- The weilder scores a hit, and the "damage" is actually transferred to the recipient in added hit points. A critical hit instantly heals and cures the recipient completely of all physical or magical damage or affliction.
This is particularly amusing when you have a paladin attempting to "smite" the villiage maiden while screaming "heal, dammit!!".

Axe of Neutrality- This appears to be a standard battle axe with a magical dweomer. When in use; however, the true nature of the weapon comes to light. The first attack done by the axe scores damage, the second attack heals, the third attack does damage, the fourth heals, and so forth with all even attacks doing damage, and all even attacks healing.
All damage and healing are done as if standard battle axe damage is being done.

Sword of Sybill- This sword has a personality that splits 4 to one, and changes colors with it. When the character pulls the sword out, a WIL DC15 is required or the sword changes color and takes on a new personality. Mine took on the personality of: a raging "pms" riddled man hating lesbian who forces the weilder to attack the nearest male- party member or not -while the sword screams onscenities about how the male population is screwing up the planet; a depressed child who could not move, and would wail loudly that it was unfair that he was being forced to work when he was so tired and didn't feel good; a raging barbarian (with all stats"), and a sterrotypical, over-the-top gay male who would make comments about the fashion sense of the enemies being attacked, and how they deserve death for being that way.

 

[The Mad Hermit]

Saunder's Munificent Elixir - Adds considerably to charisma/comeliness but also reduces the imbibers libido to nil.

 

[Jack Simth]

There are a couple of things that I have either created, or been a part of creating:

Mace of Healing- The weilder scores a hit, and the "damage" is actually transferred to the recipient in added hit points. A critical hit instantly heals and cures the recipient completely of all physical or magical damage or affliction.
This is particularly amusing when you have a paladin attempting to "smite" the villiage maiden while screaming "heal, dammit!!".

Axe of Neutrality- This appears to be a standard battle axe with a magical dweomer. When in use; however, the true nature of the weapon comes to light. The first attack done by the axe scores damage, the second attack heals, the third attack does damage, the fourth heals, and so forth with all even attacks doing damage, and all even attacks healing.
All damage and healing are done as if standard battle axe damage is being done.

Sword of Sybill- This sword has a personality that splits 4 to one, and changes colors with it. When the character pulls the sword out, a WIL DC15 is required or the sword changes color and takes on a new personality. Mine took on the personality of: a raging "pms" riddled man hating lesbian who forces the weilder to attack the nearest male- party member or not -while the sword screams onscenities about how the male population is screwing up the planet; a depressed child who could not move, and would wail loudly that it was unfair that he was being forced to work when he was so tired and didn't feel good; a raging barbarian (with all stats"), and a sterrotypical, over-the-top gay male who would make comments about the fashion sense of the enemies being attacked, and how they deserve death for being that way.

The first two of those could be very, very useful (uncapped non-combat healing), the third is mostly just annoying.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Saunder's Munificent Elixir - Adds considerably to charisma/comeliness but also reduces the imbibers libido to nil.

"You fill me with inertia."
- Peter Cook as the Devil singing "Bedazzled" in Bedazzled (1967)

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwvl2B8jiCI]YouTube - BEDAZZLED - PETER COOK AND DUDLEY MOORE.[/ame]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBOPCZCAb5Q&feature=related]YouTube - Peter Cook performs "Bedazzled" - in STEREO!!! (rare) - HQ[/ame]

 

[Psychotic Jim]

Hat of Suggestion

This hat is usually large and ostentatious. Made for a large head (just check the size card on it!), this had has nonetheless been worn by many others of varying hat sizes; for it has been said that many this object has the power to sway people's minds. It can indeed make suggestions as its name suggests- but just really inane ones and certainly not of the magical kind.

The hat is in fact, an intelligent (mildly so, and certainly not Wise) magical item, and some would say it was cursed. The hat is also known by wise sages as the Hat of Mercurial Whims, for nothing seems to hold its attention for long. The wearer of the hat is blessed (or perhaps cursed?) with the ability to telepathically communicate with it. However, its random observations, dirty double innuendos, and nonsense dialogue would only be distracting to most people (though the hat is never powerful enough to cause a spell-caster or the like to lose concentration). The Hat has only a mediocre Intelligence and low Wisdom, but it has a VERY high Ego. Prolonged use of the hat may cause the wearer to speak in a poor faux-British accent and develop a proclivity for large tea parties.

Some sages believe that the Hat is inhabited by a spirit of a haberdasher. He is said to have been driven insane by exposure to the mercury that was used to cure the pelt used in the hat’s construction. Whatever the source for the hat’s (quasi) intelligence, it certainly bestowed a certain flair for double entendre and a dirty mind to go with it upon the hat.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

i put on my irratating dm hat today, and came up with this magic item and i was wondering if anyone else has un usuable items like this and would like to share them...

my item:

Prankster's String

a normal rope, 10 feet long

it gives you +26 to use rope when using it. not with other ropes.
when you let go, it unties completely.

I use it to bind the hands of a captive and tie the other end to my wrist.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Actually, it would be useful for climbing down a cliff.

Bear Grylls used a special knot that did something like that to get down a cliffside- he still needed the rope after getting down.

If nothing else, it knocks off as much 9' of of a drop if you can secure it in the right place...that could be the difference between a safe drop and a lethal fall.

It would also be AWESOME for a "Fake Prisoner" gambit.

 

[UltimaGabe]

Saunder's Munificent Elixir - Adds considerably to charisma/comeliness but also reduces the imbibers libido to nil.

Not quite on topic, but you know how the Bestow Curse spell allows the caster to invent their own curses, so long as they are no more powerful than the examples given? Well, I never got to use it, but a Cleric character of mine invented his own curse in case he ever got really pissed off at a political rival.

The target of this curse, whenever they see a member of the opposite sex, becomes EXTREMELY sexually aroused, and continues to be so until arousal would be beneficial. In that case, their libido disappears completely, and cannot be regained until said arousal would no longer be useful.

My hope was to someday cast it on some guy right before he goes out to make a big speech. With Silent and Still Spell, I'd just have to offer him a handshake of good luck, and watch the hilarity ensue.

 

[Loren Pechtel]

In the spirit of the ring of three washes:

The sword of dragonsleighing: If this sword strikes a dragon a wooden vehicle using runners appears behind the dragon and connected to it by two ropes leading to a collar on the dragon. The sleigh will crumble to dust after 1 turn, while it is in existence it slows the dragon by 10 and makes it one class less maneuverable.

The sword of dragonspraying: Any dragon hit by this for at least one point of damage will immediately use it's breath weapon (or one of them if it has multiple breath weapons) as an immediate action without regard to it's prior use of it's breath weapon and without affecting it's recharge timer. This sword will not work if wielded by a dragon.

The sword of dragonsaying: If this sword scores a touch attack on a dragon (note that it still needs to score a normal hit to inflict damage and the touch attack doesn't even need to be done with harmful force, you can tap it with the side of the blade or the like) the sword starts giving information on the dragon. The sword learns basically everything about the current state of the dragon and gets a knowledge (any sort whatsoever, including bardic) check at the to-hit DC to learn about it's history, relatives etc. It continues to say this information until it has exhausted it's knowledge. Additional hits on the *SAME* dragon do not cause it to start over but they do cause it to restate any information that has changed before it provides additional information. Hitting a different dragon makes it start over. Those which are part dragon are subject to it but there is a flat failure chance equal to the non-dragon blood of the target (and if it fails it won't work again on that target for 24 hours) and if it works the knowledge DC is likewise reduced by the percent of non-dragon blood.

The sword of dragonstraying: This has no effect on a non-mated dragon. A mated dragon gets it's normal resistances (use the to-hit roll as the DC), if it fails these it will seek to be unfaithful to it's mate at the earliest possible opportunity--should there be a way to do it it will seek an encounter even with the person attacking it.


The ring of three witches: This detects as a ring of three wishes except it exerts a magical compulsion on it's wielder never to actually use it. (Should this somehow be overcome it actually works. There is no save, though, so this is hard.) If the word "wish" is spoken within 30' of the ring three hostile witches of level 1 will appear and attack. Each additional time the word "wish" is spoken the witches will be one level higher than they were in the last attack. The witch level is reset to one if the ring gets a new owner.

The ring of three welches: This detects as a ring of three wishes but vanishes (teleport to a random, hidden location) if an attempt is made to use it. The next time the owner wins a bet the person they made the bet with will not pay up. (Note that this does apply to a lottery ticket or the like but not to something like poker where the money is already on the table rather than in the possession of the other party.) The next time there is such a bet of at least twice the value of the original it happens and then once more at twice the value again. Bets made to try to circumvent the curse will not trigger it.

Once the curse has been triggered removing the ring has no effect on it.