Are DMs the Bad Guy -- Getting Kicked Out of a Group

[Mordane76]

While I have not kicked someone out of my group recently, and I have not been kicked out of my group, I have to wonder...


Are DMs really as immature as some of the threads of the past few days make us/them out to be? How many of you out there would go to such measures and use such potentially lame excuses to get a person out of your group?


As an example:
The last time I removed someone from my group, it was because of overpopulation -- I had 9 people regularly showing up to the game. I sat down, looked over the roster, told everyone they would potentially be asked to leave the group about two weeks before I made the discussion, and then cut two people to get down to a regular six because another was moving and would no longer be with us regardless. I let the decision out, there were some harsh words exchanged and some feelings were bruised, but I let everyone know individually why I did or did not keep them, and I didn't share my statements with people about others until after the decisions had been made.

While some personality situations did play into my decisions, nothing so petty as "You woke me up at Con," or "Dude, you dissed my game for a quiet evening" came into my decision; my personality issues centered on past character development and where I planned to go with the campaign, and how the players generally interacted with myself and each other.

This feels like something fairly mature and reasonable.


Are players doing something to fuel these people? Or is something else going wrong here that's not really making it to these recent threads?

 

[Drawmack]

Well I've never been kicked out or kicked anyone out of a game. So I am not sure. Though if I had a group the size of your example I would suggest that someone else also DM and we split into two groups.

 

[EarthsShadow]

I kicked one person out of a game of mine when that person became toooo disruptive for me (as the DM) to handle properly. Plus, the fact that after only four hours the rest of the group wanted to strangle also played into that fact.

I did kick another person out another time when that person, who was a friend at the time, showed up drunk and called my wife a total @&$^#, and in the process of my almost tossing him off the balcony I told him to never come over again.

No, I wasn't immature at either time, but I do think there are some people out there that take slights to far, and instead of resolving it in a rational and adult manner, they react in accordance to how a 6 yr old would probably react (not a slant against anyone with kids, just using it as an expression).

 

[barsoomcore]

I've never actually kicked anyone out of my groups, but I run a very particular style of game and anyone who behaves in a disruptive manner is not going to do very well or have much fun. Usually they just leave. Probably they think I'm a terrible DM, which isn't so far from the truth. Terrible for them, that's for sure.

But I have got a bunch of players who like how I run my game and that's good enough. I'm also pretty careful about who I let into my group. Invitation only, that's the way.

Then you have no one but yourself to blame if things go wrong.

 

[DDK]

I've physically thrown someone out of my group... moron deserved it.

I've also laid down the law and told people to F'off or tow the line.

I think my last group dumped me (as DM), but they're too gutless to actually say either way and give me, "It's not you, it's me," speeches.

Quite frankly, if you're in a half-decent group, thank yer lucky stars. It's really hard to get a group that stays together long or one you can form fast friendships through; I'm still looking.

That said, my best friend, a mate that I would probably be dead without and has basically been like a brother to me, I met through gaming almost ten years ago. Ironically, we hardly ever get to actually play together because either he's DM'ing or I'm DM'ing or he's working.

But it doesn't stop me trying. I've got a game going on these boards which seems to be going well, though I'm a pretty anal DM and constantly require tweaking of the game and the full-attention and involvement of the players so people tend to get tired of me saying, "Just a little to the left, a millimetre or so, nonononono, YOUR left, sheesh!"

 

[Arnwyn]

Are DMs really as immature as some of the threads of the past few days make us/them out to be? How many of you out there would go to such measures and use such potentially lame excuses to get a person out of your group?

*shrug* People are people. There are rotten DMs and there are rotten players. Weirdos can sit on both sides of the screen. So yeah, there are a lot of immature DMs. But of course, immature players are a dime-a-dozen as well... Besides, what we're seeing is hardly a reasonable sample. You hear about all kinds out there, and this *is* the internet, after all.

I also don't think many people are going to admit to making "lame excuses" when giving a player Da Boot...

 

[Apok]

DM's are people too, and people can at times be petty, vengefull, vindictive pricks. I have, to date, never thrown anyone out of a group that I DM'd but I'm also very careful who I let in. I would allow someone I don't know to game with me for at least a "trial run" and if that works out, great. Never would I let someone in on a permanent basis without knowing how they behaved at the table. As an aside, it would behoove any DM to lay down a set of ground rules for your players on what is acceptable behavior at the gaming table to avoid unfortunate situations. Sadly, players are also people which means they can be at times careless, moronic, thoughtless schmucks.

Even with these precautions, everybody has bad days. The nicest most understanding person in the world can go through a bad spot that turns them into a raving lunatic. It is these times when one must recognize one's state of self and do the right thing; call off the game/social event/meeting/party/whatever for now and either pick it up next time or reschedule.

From the two most recent tales of gamer woe, it's hard to decide if it was the DM being a vindictive tyrant. We are only hearing the player's perspective, which may be somewhat skewed to make them look like the Victim. Pity we won't likely hear from the respective DM's in those scenarios, as I'd like to see how they paint the picture. Once that is done, we can safely assume the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

 

[jester47]

I at one time had 11 people in my camapign (with guests I once had 13) . I had to thin thier numbers because it was hard to do personalisations and keep everyones attention. Three droped out because two moved and one felt that there were too many people and one of the people who moved was his girlfriend. So that brought it down to 8. I wanted 4. One person was causing a personality conflict, another was sporatic in attendance, and a third wanted fair fair fair distribution of wealth.

What is a DM to do. I took some things into consideration:

Character development: Who had the best character development.

Attendance: Who was there every week.

relations: Who got along best with who.

These three things I figured would indicate who really wanted to be there. So I declared a break of a month, and then emailed everyone left and stated that thefirst four to reply would be in the campaign. As a result, the four that I thought were best for the campaign replied, and only those four.

But I guess thats not kicking anyone out...

Aaron.

 

[blackshirt5]

I'm trying to make a very difficult decision, actually, concerning kicking a player out.

As he points out, we do have fun, but since he joined a few weeks ago, we haven't really gotten much done in terms of story, cause he sidetracks us so much with OOC stuff. HE seriously aggravates the best roleplayers in the group(even our newbie gets aggravated too), and the worst part is, he dredges up stuff from many years ago(I've known him for 9 years, since we were 10, longer than anybody else in the group) to try to argue over things. I'm gonna try talking to him again, and then I'm just dropping it.

 

[Pielorinho]

I didn't exactly kick people out of my game ever, but I've surely failed to invite people back.

The worst was a couple that I met online and invited to a game. They brought their infant (whom they assured me was very quiet and who would fall asleep right away), who screamed a high-pitched, metal-shrieking-on-glass scream all night long. They regaled me with boring stories of the Stupidest Character Concepts Evar ("I played a fighter who was really scared of blood! tee hee! And she would hide behind the wizard! tee hee! And then I played a gnome, who always wore purple, because he was so eccentric! tee hee hee!") (you think I'm making this up, don't you? I'm not) And in combat, their characters would retreat to a distance of about 40 feet and watch as we fought. After awhile, the woman in the couple started ignoring the game entirely, talking to one of my housemates about fantasy books.

Eventually, thank the Gods, they left. We all agreed that rocks fell on their characters, burying them; and we continued with the game.

Later that week, they wrote me an email thanking me for inviting them to the game and telling me what fun they'd had.

I never wrote back.
Daniel