Ashamed of being a Gamer?

[Elf Witch]

Thank you. I was about to say something similar, but I didn't want to fire this aspect of the disucssion.





With regard to my friend (really, both friends--there are two in my gaming group who don't tell their wives and lie about playing), you haven't got a clue about their situation.

For example, you don't know that, when they first got married, he did tell his wife he gamed and was in the open about it for a while. Then, when he started having kids, he stopped gaming for some years. It was then, when she thought it was over, that his wife told him what she thought of his geeky gaming. She said he was a father now and needed to "grow up" a bit. Right or wrong, he agreed. Years past. He heard stories from our games and wanted to play.

So, that's how he got to where he is today.

My other friend, that lies to his wife, is on his second wife. He told his first wife that he gamed, and she would take opportunities to make fun of him and his gaming in front of company and what not. His other friends, besides me (all jock types he's known since high school), would crack jokes here an there--especially if they found some media that made fun of gamers (like you'll see in TV sitcoms sometimes).

So, when he got re-married, he vowed that this one would never know that he's a gamer. He got burned the first time around, and he basically thinks he's protecting himself.

As for me and one other in my group, we probably wouldn't tell SO's. I have, and he has, in the past. I lived with this chick for several years, and she knew, but I could always tell it was an aspect of me that she didn't respect. She sure has heck wouldn't tell her friends about it.

The other friend like me was teased by his ex-wife when they were married. "Going off to play your geeky game?" She'd say when he left for a session. And, "Did you kill any DRAAAGGGONNNS?" she'd remark when he returned.

Behavior and experiences like that do not encourage telling the world about being a gamer.

Here, I've written just a tid bit about these peoples' lives, but it's enough to show you that you have no clue about them and their relationships--and that includes the others that have piped in with comments about my friend's marriage.







Yes, please.

As long as people continue to hide the hobby and worry what other people think then gaming will always have the stigma that there is something wrong with it.

I have been playing since the game came out and far more people are accepting about it today then they were back then. I have not encounter for a long time people who still think the game is an occult device to lure in people to corrupted their souls.

A lot of hobbies get poked fun at in the media for laughs and it is just laughs. The whole Get a Life meme from Star Trek is one of them. Yet their are a lot of people who freely admit to being a Trekkie. NASA was filled with people who became interested in space and working in that field because of watching Trek.

There will always be people who make fun of something they don't understand or judge people badly because of it. Hiding it just gives fuel that they are right and there is something wrong with it.

I cannot imagine being involved with a person who would taunt me because of my hobby or look down on me. I could not live with a person who treated me like that it would in my case destroy any love I felt for the person.

I am not sure why you brought this topic up and then shared what your buddies do. Did you not think people might have opinions on it and those opinions might be of the this totally messed up kind. Or were you hoping for validation?

 

[WhimsyTheFae]

I think most people in my life know I'm a gamer and they all wish they were me (EDIT: this means that I'm not ashamed).

Note to Water Bob - don't engage the side conversation and the thread will right itself. The other posters don't know your friends and you don't need to champion their cause on a messageboard.

 

[Aeolius]

The whole issue of hiding aspects of one's life is nearly foreign, to me. Everyone who knows me knows I am a geeky goofball who values sense of humor and sense of wonder above any label society might place on me.

Mind you, my religious views would most likely get me burned at the stake, here in NC.

When one says "I do", it is assumed that one's individuality is not erased but rather it becomes secondary to the collective "we" that one joined in marriage. I keep secrets from the general public. I do not keep secrets from my spouse.

Back to that little thing we call a topic... I am most assuredly NOT ashamed of being a gamer. I AM ashamed I have not published any of the undersea and hag-realted materials festering in my noggin, however.

 

[the Jester]

I'm just sayin', "I have a problem with you gaming" is a dealbreaker to me in a relationship.

 

[WhimsyTheFae]

I'm just sayin', "I have a problem with you gaming" is a dealbreaker to me in a relationship.

Does this mean you don't love me anymore?

 

[Aeolius]

I'm just sayin', "I have a problem with you gaming" is a dealbreaker to me in a relationship.

Granted, people change.

Before I got married, I kept reptiles and collected comics. I gave those up when I got married. I guess I had lost interest. But then I discovered saltwater aquariums and decided to give online gaming a try (married in 93, first kid born in 94, started gaming online in 95, first saltwater tank in 97).

I had always been obsessed with the sea. When one of my older brothers followed a degree in marine biology, I lost interest and started with herpetology. Later in life, I decided that I did not care what my older brothers did, so the ocean called once more. Now I would give anything to be a marine biologist.

Oh.. and I have a snake and turtle.

 

[Water Bob]

I have a question to those of you who feel the need to hide your gaming.

If you are ashamed or embarrassed why do you still play?

Because....I love gaming. Great gaming nights are episodes of life never forgotten.

Among my group, we still talk about some of the epic or humorous moments we've had in the past.

"Hey, remember when we were playing Dragonlance and Caramon rolled a fumble, pulled his spear backwards, and stuck Sturm in the throat?" Ha-ha-ha- (you had to be there) ha-ha-haaaa.

 

[Water Bob]

I am not sure why you brought this topic up and then shared what your buddies do. Did you not think people might have opinions on it and those opinions might be of the this totally messed up kind. Or were you hoping for validation?

I started it because I thought it would be an interesting topic, and I was genuinely curious how many people out there felt the way my group does.

I'm a bit shocked that there aren't more people that hide gaming in their lives, but on second look, it makes sense since those that hide it probably won't be hanging out there.

Not one person in my long-term gaming group participates on these boards.

 

[Aeolius]

Among my group, we still talk about some of the epic or humorous moments we've had in the past.

On Sunday nights, I run my D&D game in an IRC channel (chat room).

On Wednesday nights, I gather in a chat room with my childhood friends. We drink, quote python, reminisce, and discuss new events.

The whole reason I started gaming online was to game again with two of my friends. Alas, work schedules and a reluctance to explore online offerings kept them from trying it out. Before I started "Into the Land of Black Ice" on AOL's RPG Forum in 95, I investigated setting up my own dial-up BBS just to run a D&D game.

 

[Elf Witch]

Because....I love gaming. Great gaming nights are episodes of life never forgotten.

Among my group, we still talk about some of the epic or humorous moments we've had in the past.

"Hey, remember when we were playing Dragonlance and Caramon rolled a fumble, pulled his spear backwards, and stuck Sturm in the throat?" Ha-ha-ha- (you had to be there) ha-ha-haaaa.

My question is this are you really ashamed of it or is just that you don't want to deal with other people who might have issues. That is two different things.

Example from my life my father best friend's sister broke her neck riding horses so my father forbid me to have anything do with horses.

When I became an adult I not only owned a horse but I barrel raced and risked my hide being a clown during bull riding and bronco riding.

My father never knew about it. I broached the subject once and he got really upset. So I chose not to share that aspect of my life with him.

But I was never ashamed of what I was doing.