Ashamed of being a Gamer?

[Lwaxy]

That's lame. Is it the same in the US? I thought I read that some adults here are being DXed in their mid 20s and 30s. Maybe I misread or misunderstood the article or study; it was a couple of years ago.

No, US is very different. I know a 70 year old army retiree who was recently dxed.

In the whole of Germany, there are only 3 doctors allowed to dx adults. None of them is close, and even if, I'd have a 3-5 year waiting time. That's not worth it considering I do not need an official dx for anything. For me, it is just important to know why I'm different, or, from my view, why so many others are different from me.

I suppose this is the same for those diagnosed with depression or other similar bipolar disorders.

Yup. The time I was depressed I made extra effort to appear happy and outgoing, as I really didn't want to deal with questions or pity. That's why suicides often come as a surprise to friends and family.

 

[Umbran]

That makes very good sense. On the other hand, if someone above me is griefing me about my hobbies (or denying advancement based on that), I'd probably take them to HR.

If you work in a company large enough to have "HR", maybe that's an option. You also have to work in a company that has a culture such that such reports aren't a good way to make more trouble for yourself, rather than less.

And, such a report isn't going to help if it isn't clearly identifiable as "he's giving me grief over my hobby." It can very often be more general and indirect - your hobby only assists in getting you labelled a weirdo/freak or other form of moral reprobate. And it doesn't have to be your boss - if another coworker decides to make life difficult and badmouths you, you can easily get a "name" in some companies.

It is nice when workplace conflicts are easily identified and resolved, but that's not always how they play out.

 

[nedjer]

If you work in a company large enough to have "HR", maybe that's an option. You also have to work in a company that has a culture such that such reports aren't a good way to make more trouble for yourself, rather than less.

And, such a report isn't going to help if it isn't clearly identifiable as "he's giving me grief over my hobby." It can very often be more general and indirect - your hobby only assists in getting you labelled a weirdo/freak or other form of moral reprobate. And it doesn't have to be your boss - if another coworker decides to make life difficult and badmouths you, you can easily get a "name" in some companies.

It is nice when workplace conflicts are easily identified and resolved, but that's not always how they play out.

Came across a group of shady bosses once and eventually put the lot out the door in tears. However, it's always going to be easier to take the third way: bullying workplace = rapidly develop the skill set required to move. Unfortunately, I didn't have that option, as one of them had chosen to make it personal

 

[catsclaw227]

And, such a report isn't going to help if it isn't clearly identifiable as "he's giving me grief over my hobby." It can very often be more general and indirect - your hobby only assists in getting you labelled a weirdo/freak or other form of moral reprobate. And it doesn't have to be your boss - if another coworker decides to make life difficult and badmouths you, you can easily get a "name" in some companies.

It is nice when workplace conflicts are easily identified and resolved, but that's not always how they play out.

My Mom's husband is a Worker's Comp lawyer (mostly Federal), and he's one of the fair/good ones -- not the shyster type. He says that he has represented many employees that filed "hostile work environment" and/or wrongful termination lawsuits that, while successful, still made the employee uncomfortable going back. That's the drawback to suing an employer due to another employee's behavior. It's really hard to go back without the prying eyes and sideways glances. It's one of the reasons sexual discrimination litigation often end with the complaining employee going elsewhere.

 

[FickleGM]

My Mom's husband is a Worker's Comp lawyer (mostly Federal), and he's one of the fair/good ones -- not the shyster type. He says that he has represented many employees that filed "hostile work environment" and/or wrongful termination lawsuits that, while successful, still made the employee uncomfortable going back. That's the drawback to suing an employer due to another employee's behavior. It's really hard to go back without the prying eyes and sideways glances. It's one of the reasons sexual discrimination litigation often end with the complaining employee going elsewhere.

Yeah, it's one thing to not be ashamed about your hobby. It's completely another to champion it in a (to me) fairly meaningless battle.

My coworkers that are close to me know my hobbies. No biggie. I don't randomly bring it up in meetings, however, so not every coworker knows.

I'm also fairly good at reading who would have a negative opinion on my hobby and who wouldn't, so I don't talk about it around certain folk. Of course, I don't go talking religion, politics, money, sex, etc. willy-nilly either.

The workplace, in my opinion, is not the place to champion causes (excepting of course, causes that directly impact your work or the business). It's a place to do the work that you are being paid to do.

 

[gamerprinter]

I don't have this problem, since I'm the boss of my own shop and it's mostly a family business. I can be proactive in the revealing of my hobbies and it won't reflect back on my job. I do a ton of work for the local churches in my community, and they know what I do for my spare time and it hasn't affected my bottomline. So no issues here.

 

[Elf Witch]

Sometimes I wonder if those judgmental people are not just jealous.

And yes, Star Trek/Star Wars is very socially accepted. My group could go out in full uniform, even LARPing in the city, and we get food for free, had to pay for no tickets and most bystanders were happy to be pulled in into whatever we were doing. Once we had a scavenger hunt going over 3 cities and a weekend, including a chase down between Klingons and Feddies in the middle of our local capital. And quite a few people asked us for help with stuff, too, because ya know, the Federation always helps

Ah, good old times. I don't really fit into any uniforms anymore though

Our local Trek group was very much into doing community service. We had a reputation of being reliable so we often got calls to come and help.

We showed up in our uniforms to answer phones for PBS pledge drives, or to walk in any number of charity marathons. We did a toy for tots at the holidays and would go to nursing homes and children's hospitals to cheer them up.

Most of the people I met doing this were really nice and were interested in how we made the uniforms or props. And they were just grateful that we were willing to help.

 

[Elf Witch]

I can see how someone with your point of view (no slight intended) would think that way. I mean, of course the person who participates in the activities, or sympathizes with those who do, wouldn't think the stigma as strong. Those who hide and lie, like me, obviously think the stigma is quite strong.

It probably depends on the people you know.

I mean the guy who tattoos his body from head to toe probably doesn't think the stigma against that is as strong as it is, even in a day where tattoos are quite accepted by the public at large.







"What is normal?" - Malcom McDowell as Soran in Star Trek Generations.

I think it also depends on how secure a person is in their own identity. If you are self conscious or need approval from other people then you are more likely to take to heart the sneers and criticisms and even magnify how often it happens.

In my case I see people who sneer as nothing more than s not worth my time so I tend to forget about them. The people I remember are the ones who were nice. But even with that I have had more positive reactions than negative reactions.

I am not just talking about gaming but my other hobbies as well the SCA, Trek., costuming. I have many times run into a grocery store in my SCA garb on the way to an event. Yes people stare I would stare too. When people ask why I am dressed that way I tell them I am on my way to a medieval reenactment. And the most common comment I get is something along the lines of that is cool.

 

[Elf Witch]

With respect, in the current economic climate, not everyone can afford to take that attitude, at least with respect to their place of work. Obliging them means seeking a new job in a tough market.

Given a choice between "be outspoken" and "keep up with my mortgage payments", being quiet probably seems to be a pretty solid option.

I don't think anyone is saying to just tell your boss to eff off if he doesn't like your hobby.

I think we all understand the need to sometimes hide part of our self if is going to effect the job.

I had a job where I had to hide the fact I was Wiccan because if the boss found out I would be fired. Sure I could have fought based on religious discrimination but that would have been hard to prove since Florida is a right to work state.

As much as it made me really angry and I would have loved to do something about it the reality of the situation was I needed the job to take care of my son.

But I think that is very different then hiding it from your spouse, friends, and family. I also think that is a more concrete fear than worrying what society at large thinks about your hobby.

 

[Water Bob]

I think it also depends on how secure a person is in their own identity. If you are self conscious or need approval from other people then you are more likely to take to heart the sneers and criticisms and even magnify how often it happens.

Maybe, with some, that might be true. You're waaaayyy off-base with me. With me, it's less To-hell-with-you-this-is-who-I-am and more Sun Tzu: Why position myself that way when it may tarnish perception of me?

The to-hell-with-you bit I reserve for battles I choose to fight.