Bedrockgames
I post in the voice of Christopher Walken
I really think you are painting with a pretty broad brush here. I play with some powergamers and they are not into winning, they are into role playing, they don't suck the fun out of the table at all. They just like to have characters that excel at what they are supposed to do. I have found that they are the ones to ask when you need help with a build to make it playable.
It sounds to me that you are not playing with powergamers but munchkins.
To be honest I would rather play with powergamers than lame ducks any day of the weak. I am so over playing with people who make a "role playing" decision to put their lowest stat in their prime attribute. Save me from bards with charisma of 8 , wizards with intelligence of 10 , fighters with an 8 in constitution.
Lame ducks force the rest of the party to pick up their slack and can do as much damage to the fun at the table as a munchkin.
I think you hit something key here. It isn't so much the style as the gamer. I think rules lawyers, powergamers, role players, tacticians, can all get along fine together. The issue is when you have an a (excuse my language) A Hole powergamer or an A hole role player or an A hole rules lawyer. People who not only take their style to the extreme, but don't care how their playing effects other people and who don't make much room for other styles of play.
I've had fun with all different types of gamers. And my earliest experiences with D&D were with pretty mixed groups of people. Rather than the min/maxer, the rules lawyer and the role player getting in each others way, they were complimentary.