Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy

[The Shaman]

Is there any better job in the world than sportwriter, other than rock star, of course?

Unlike 'hard news' reporters who must be concerned with 'balance' and 'objectivity,' sportswriters get to indulge in buckets of wry humor and penetrating sarcasm that even most columnists don't get to touch with the proverbial 11' pole.

Guys like Ring Lardner, Roger Kahn, and Jim Murray are not simply among my favorite sportswriters, they're among my favorite writers, period.

One of the pleasures of my week are the columns on ESPN's Page 2 by Bill Simmons, the "Sports Guy." He speaks in a voice that cuts through the static - I imagine this must be what it's like for ol' Blue to hear a dog whistle in a crowded city park - and can leave me in tears, from laughing and from smiling.

Are there any other Sports Guy fans out there?

Oh, and here's a short excerpt from today's column - this isn't meant to be representative of his best stuff, but it made me laugh and I like to share laughter...

Top-five signs you're getting crushed at a blackjack table ...

1. The dealer keeps saying, "I'm sorry, guys, I'm sorry," like she just rear-ended you in her car.

2. You're getting more 13s and 14s than R. Kelly.

(I know, I know -- I've used that joke 20 times. But nobody has replaced R. Kelly as the "Formidable celebrity who allegedly has sex with underaged girls du jour." Until it happens, we're stuck with R. Sorry.)

3. Not only are you NOT tipping the dealer anymore, you're mad that you were tipping her in the first place, and only because she is clearly the devil.

4. Not only do you have the sarcastic guy at the table who's hissing stuff like, "Oh, great, it's another five!" and "Cool, I can't wait to split these aces and get reamed again!", you're actually the one saying these things.

5. When the pit boss wanders over, you have an inexplicable urge to stand up in his face and scream "(BLEEP) YOU!!!!!!!" just to see what would happen.

 

[GlassJaw]

Yeah, his column rocks. It's also cool that he's a huge Boston sports fan.

 

[nakia]

LOVE The Sports Guy! It's like he's the ultimate "20 something" man -- copious knowledge of pop culture, watches the same sort of movies I do, gets addicted to bad television, goes to Vegas all the time, and loves sports. Even though I don't really care about the NBA, I read all his NBA stuff, just because it is funny.

The only down side of The Sports Guy is that every columnist in every student newspaper now writes like Bill Simmons.