Booting a player from your group

[candidus_cogitens]

Is there any etiquette on this matter? Should you be polite? Should you make up some sort of pretext for dismissal? Should you lie to them about the reasons? Should you avoid confrontation by just dissolving the group and then re-forming it without the problematic person?

What say you, wise ones of gaming?

 

[Sanackranib]

booting . . .

Depends on if you value the friendship outside the game. I recomend just taking them aside and telling them that it's not working out. not all players/DM's are compatible. I would be both honest and direct. next time it could be you.

 

[Sunglar]

Well candidus_cogitens that is a tough question... I’ve only been on this position twice in a long time gaming (15 years), and I must admit to not being proud of how I handled both of them.

One time the players was disruptive, loud, obnoxious and was creating friction and tension in the group and we all decided he had to go. We told him we were going to take a break form gaming and we’d call him when we got back together. WE started playing again in two weeks, but never called him.

This guy was an acquaintance, and while I felt a little guilty, this was not somebody I cherished as a friend.

The second time was different. This person I had known a long time and we had been close on and off, and I sincerely appreciate him and think very highly of him. Still his gaming style was confrontational, very combat oriented in my more role-play oriented campaign, and his outburst had gotten the better of me.

I think I am a fair DM and had done my best to accommodate him and his ideas to the ongoing campaign. When he opted to bow out of my AD&D 2nd Ed campaign I was finishing, until I switched to 3rd Ed he wanted to play, I accepted his decision, but never called him back when we did start playing 3rd Ed.

I still feel bad because I miss this guy, but he could not separate the game from the real life friendship I thought we had. That makes me very sad still, and it has been over two years.

My recommendation… Be forthcoming, clear, and firm. If this is something you are not willing to negotiate about, simply speak your mind calmly and politely. I think sincerity is always the best policy, even if I did not do it… I hope you can learn from my mistakes!

Best of luck…

 

[Quickbeam]

I generally prefer being honest and direct with just about everything I say and do...which is a great policy IMO, but creates its own set of problems. Nonetheless, I'd try to be polite and forthright about your decision.

-- Don't lie. It's unnecessary and speaks poorly of you as a person.
-- Don't dissolve the group and then attempt to covertly reassemble everyone sans the outcast/problem. The individual in question will likely find out (they always do), and you'll all look scared, petty and childish.
-- Don't concoct some crafty document of dismissal to justify your decision.

Just tell it like it is, using tact and sound reasoning. Just make sure its the right decision and that the group supports you, lest they abandon the game because you've treated someone in an overly harsh or unfair manner. It may be your prerogative as DM to exclude whomever you wish, but that doesn't mean others will accept your decision, and I'm sure your goal isn't to lose everyone.

Just my two coppers.

 

[Crothian]

Here's how I do it: I polite explain why things are not working out and tell them they are not welcome anymore. I am always honest, as I feel people always deserve the truth. Once you decide someone should be booted, do it as soon as you can.

 

[Negative Zero]

first of all, you need to decide if you still want to remain friends. if that's not an issue, then be honest, but not too honest. yes it is possible to be too honest. say it isn't working out, but not why. be apologetic, but firm. grateful for their time, but final.

inevitably the person WILL feel slighted, there's no getting around that. but often, being too honest will lead to the person feeling the need to defend themselves. if you've made up your mind about letting them go, this stage will be the least fun for all concerned. best to just skip it.

but above all, if you've made up your mind, don't put it off. at all. get it out in the open and done. the sooner the better. this ends the "what i learned from booting a player" section of our talk. hope that helps. so in closing, honest, but not too honest.

~NegZ

 

[Sanackranib]

booting players

I have had to boot a DM before . . .. .
Since the game was hosted at my house I just told our group (who all had issues with the way he was running anyway) that I wasn't gonna keep playing with him, and if they wanted to then they were welcome o but that they would have to find a differn't place to game. the result was that we got rid of a bad DM and didn't loose a single player. Though I'm sure it created some tension.

 

[Drawmack]

I only ever had to boot one player and when I brought the issue up to him he was like yeah I was thinking that I'm not getting it and should bow out anyway.

I will say that I have voluntarily left groups. Generally the person knows that they don't fit. If it is a group decision then the person should arleady be aware that they aren't fitting in that well with the group.

 

[Moe Ronalds]

Well this one guy criticized my DMing (I've played in his games- he's granted first level characters immortality.), threatened for me to change his stats, acted extremely childish and immature, and could not be trusted to remember when and where a game was unless you told him the morning of. He was occaissionally violent as well. We simply stopped reminding him about games, and he didn't even notice.

 

[KnowTheToe]

I would have all of my players prepare a "roast" for the player. You know, jokes attacking the person in as sensative ways as you can. Maybe you can make the player run crying from the game. That would make a good story and a lifetime memory