Burned!

[The_Universe]

For the second time in a few months, my gaming group imploded. Though the last was a bang - this was a whimper. Those who departed did so with smiles on their faces, as if both words and deeds (selfish and hurtful) would have no effect on me. I've been GMing most of the group for very nearly two years, and until lat night, I counted some of them among my closest friends. I haven't lost all of them (about half the current group remains intact), but the way in which the departure was handled was extraordinarily rude - in the poorest taste I could imagine, short of a collective screaming temper tantrum. It happened quietly, after informing me collectively that the game session had been a "test." Of what, I'm not sure - I wasn't informed that myself and the rest of the group was taking one until after we had (apparently) failed.

In the end, this will all probably be better - I've been treated extraordinarily poorly in the past by the people who have left: a doormat who happens to run a game, basically.

The worst part is that it *feels* like I've (we've, really) been broken up with. Which is silly. That's undoubtedly taking the events far too seriously, but in the past I gamed with people who really *were* my friends. People with personal loyalty, people with consideration for the feelings of others. I am sure that the errant gamers who left the proverbial table do have those qualities - I just falsely imagined that they applied to me. I can't imagine, after been treated thus, that these people ever really imagined themselves a friend to me and me to them.

I feel stupid; my trust has been betrayed by a number of these people before. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I *am* a fool.

I'm not going to mention names, or even events any more specific than those I've already given. Some of the reason(s) I'm feeling burned post frequently to this messageboard, and I'd like to treat them better than I have been treated. I'd ask, if they read this, not to post on this thread. I've preserved your anonymity - in return, the last thing I'd ask is that you allow me this.

That's my story - what's yours? Who among you have been burned by people you thought were friends? Revelation can only help. I think.

 

[GlassJaw]

Hmm, I'm a little confused. I know you don't want to divulge any specifics but was it something they didn't like about your game or something? Did they just have enough? Was there some kind of argument or falling out?

Did you ask them if there was something about your GM'ing style that they didn't like? I know that can feel like a punch to the gut but some GM's just aren't right for some groups. Would someone else be willing to GM for a while instead?

It sounds like they just got up and left and the end of the session after 2 years. Am I reading this correctly?

 

[The_Universe]

Hmm, I'm a little confused. I know you don't want to divulge any specifics but was it something they didn't like about your game or something? Did they just have enough? Was there some kind of argument or falling out?

Did you ask them if there was something about your GM'ing style that they didn't like? I know that can feel like a punch to the gut but some GM's just aren't right for some groups. Would someone else be willing to GM for a while instead?

It sounds like they just got up and left and the end of the session after 2 years. Am I reading this correctly?

It was in the middle of a session, and I don't have any details other than "you're a great dm and you tell great stories, but..." (nothing was revealed after the "but"). We broke to go have supper together, and before we left I was informed that they wouldn't be returning.

EDIT: based on past experience with this group, I suspect it was a combination of unwillingness to compromise and personal issues with other *players* than anything that had to do with me in particular. Though I *suspect* I was not the particular target of their ire, the way in which the entire situation was handled was so utterly crass that I took it (and continue to take it) very personally. I am not at all interested in trying to "win them back" or anything of the sort - the group in its previous form is dead, and to use an apt D&D analogy, I won't be attempting to cast resurrection.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

It was in the middle of a session, and I don't have any details other than "you're a great dm and you tell great stories, but..." (nothing was revealed after the "but"). We broke to go have supper together, and before we left I was informed that they wouldn't be returning.

It was really totally unexpected (for at least two of the players, anyway). We had been very close friends, but they didn't even give us a sign that they were thinking about leaving. After playing together for that long and being friends for that long it seems that it would have been fair to at least give us a heads up (or - if not us - the DM).

*sighs* It's too bad. They were fun players.

 

[Wulf Ratbane]

You have to at least account for the possibility that something in your game was lacking.

Which sucks, but perhaps you can find ways to improve your game.

At any rate, it beats thinking that it's something about you personally that turned them off. I'd have an easier time changing my game than changing myself.

 

[The_Universe]

You have to at least account for the possibility that something in your game was lacking.

Which sucks, but perhaps you can find ways to improve your game.

At any rate, it beats thinking that it's something about you personally that turned them off. I'd have an easier time changing my game than changing myself.

Thanks Wulf - I appreciate the possibility that it may have been something in my game that I was doing that made this situation happen - but I'm not looking for advice on how to fix any problems. I'm pretty much just venting, and trying to offer others the opportunity to vent in a similar vein.

 

[Crothian]

6 years ago I was running a game for 4 friends. Two of them were my roomm mates and we'd been gaming with each other for about 6 years. They did the "test" session with me as well without telling me. They felt I was railroading them and the test involved having their characters act completely out of character. So, I didn't let them act out of character, I didn't let the good ranger who was a defender of life and people to abondon the hunt for his kidnapped sister. It didn't make sense to me what they were doing. After that they confronted me in the middle of the week and had a talk about what was going on. The funny thing was I stopped DMing, one oof them DMed and it was even more railroaded then anything I was doing. But becasue the players enjoyed it it was okay.

The real end to that campaign came a month and a half before they confronted me. I placed a demon in an adventure that they were not able to defeat and many of the characters died. They had a chance to run, they actually talked it out and knew they had no healing and no one had more then 10 hit points (they were all 9th level and this was second edition). They choose to fight the demon and because they lost it was my fault.

I was pissed and bitter at the time but now looking back on it I'm glad it happened. Becasue of that I am not room mates with either of them anymore and I'm not gaming with any of them. I have new groups, better groups, and I hope they also have moved on to better gaming.

 

[Angel Tarragon]

They choose to fight the demon and because they lost it was my fault.

Thats just dumb. They knew good and well that if they wanted they're characters to live al they had to do was turn around and run for their lives. Blaming the DM for their woes, oy.

 

[reveal]

Thats just dumb. They knew good and well that if they wanted they're characters to live al they had to do was turn around and run for their lives. Blaming the DM for their woes, oy.

In D&D, as in life, there are those who expect others to hand them success rather than trying to achieve it themselves. Those people are stupid.

 

[The_Universe]

In D&D, as in life, there are those who expect others to hand them success rather than trying to achieve it themselves. Those people are stupid.

Heh - I've also had issues with the "everything must be defeatable" syndrome with the above mentioned implodo-group. Put up a brick wall, some of them would ask why there wasn't a weak spot in the wall. If they had to go around or turn back, I was "railroading!" Obviously, that's just an illustration of the type of obstacle some of the departing players had trouble dealing with.

While I don't think there was any of that kind of stuff in the last session I ran (the one they bugged out half-way through during), a couple of them had a pretty expansive definition of what they had to be able to do in order for it *not* to be railroading. I'll miss them as people, but there are a number of their gaming idiosyncracies that I will be glad to be rid of.