Can anyone explain the logic behind the silent treatment?

[The Thayan Menace]

No Worries ....

Anybody else experience this?

Yes, but it's always a very short experience. I don't suffer fools ... I just move on.

-Samir

 

[Nyaricus]

I don't think it's "geek ineptness" so much as people just lack manners nowadays.

That pretty much hits the nail on the head, IMO. I work at a gas station; you'd almost be amazed with what I've had to deal with, if it weren't so widespread :\

cheers (and good luck!),
--N

 

[Tsillanabor]

Had a guy quit our game after the Zombie Apocalypse adventure. He kept saying he would come, but come day wasn't there. So after a few sessions I just stopped calling him.

 

[Aeric]

This frustrates me too, and not just in gaming. Some people can't handle confrontation, and would rather just disappear off your radar than explain themselves. These people aren't worth the time you're giving them. Give him a call, leave a message, and forget about him. The ball's in his court now, and if he doesn't want to play, it's no skin off your nose. Don't waste time chasing after someone for the benefit of the doubt.

 

[mythusmage]

Day before the game call people at let them know it's coming up, where it's happening, and when people are expected to be there.

The time of the game call those people who aren't there, and haven't called to tell you they can't make it, and tell them, "I'm sorry to hear you're really not interested in my game, and that you lack enough courtesy to let me know before hand. Do not waste my time again."

Add his name to your list of unreliable people on The Web.

When I was growing up we were taught to let people know we couldn't make it. Didn't matter how long we knew them; we said we'd meet them and we couldn't, we told them so and why. It's time to stop tolerating the rude.

 

[EyeontheMountain]

I do about 90% of my gaming on the Internet, and most of that is as the DM.

Every time I start a game I get a good collection of people who will never post again, who will waste my tiem making a character and then not post, or who will quit (often without warning) at the beginning of the game.

It is very frustrating, and it really never ceases to amaze me how many people cannot spend ten seconds to drop a line. Or less, if you type better than the one finger hunt and punch.

The Internet has really gotten low (or it started off that way) with poor social habits. The worst thing is when someone (like me) criticizes someone for lack of typing, proofreading or basic posting ability, they get called a Grammar Nazi, and the poor benighted poster is told it is all right to post in that manner.

I'd like to see more politeness in general, and on the Internet in particular.

 

[Frostmarrow]

Basically you can't rely on technology. There is too much that can go wrong with it; the service might be out of order, the cell can be misplaced, the phone number can be rerouted, or just about something else. Moreover, since you can check if the problem is real, people tend to blame their shortcomings on the tech.

(I'm not too fond of people blaming the tech since I'm one of the guys who's running it, and that makes me look bad. Especially if it's just lack of manners to begin with and that tech is working fine.)

Indeed tech is the perfect scapegoat. Maybe the guy just haven't made up his mind. Technology might be faster but people aren't.

 

[Hussar]

What if the player forgets? Too bad, try again next time or do you allow a little leeway?

Olaf the Stout

Like I said, you get two strikes. Forget once, fair enough. Forget twice? Then a third time? Sorry, if a person is that clueless that a weekly scheduled event is forgotten three times, then, well, BOOT. I've had far too many idiots come through the door to waste any more time with people like that.

I now have six absolutely golden players. In 60 sessions, they have never failed to tell me if they are going to miss. Not once. After going through some 50 players in the past three ish years, I absolutely HEART my current players.

Basically, sometimes, you have to break out the:

 

[Vocenoctum]

When I was growing up we were taught to let people know we couldn't make it. Didn't matter how long we knew them; we said we'd meet them and we couldn't, we told them so and why. It's time to stop tolerating the rude.

This is what gets me, it's not that "gaming" is an obligation, but in life if you tell someone you'll be there, you should. Stuff happens of course, but I've seen plenty of players that just fade away. Avoiding confrontation is fine and all, but I've never had a confrontation break out over leaving a game except for one player who combusted, but that was not from any apparent desire to avoid confrontation.


One good thing with chat-room or internet based games, when they email you, you can at least judge somewhat based on the initial contacts. If someone (as mentioned above) can't be bothered to spell semi-correctly or use something resembling grammar IN the first impression, then it's easier to simply say no and move on.

The occasional "teh" or mis-punctuation is fine, but all caps, or all lowercase or any number of other things can really get irritating after a while.

 

[Lhorgrim]

"Can anyone explain the logic behind the silent treatment?"

I can't tell you the logic behind it, but I can supply a possibility.

Many people today are just not capable of dealing with any type of conflict. For some reason the player may have developed some personal reason for not wanting to play with you or your group, and he(she) didn't have the courage to tell you about it. The "easy" way for this player to avoid direct conflict with you is to avoid talking to you about it, and hope you "get the message" or just lose the motivation to keep trying to contact them. The same type of conflict fearing folks are the people who break-up with a date by using the same avoidance tactic.

If you run into the player that has been dodging you, say at a game store, they will likely blame technology for not getting your messages, or say that their work schedule just overwhelmed them and they haven't been able to get back to you. If you pressure them face to face to attend a game session, they will probably use a work excuse to not be forced to tell you there is something about you or your game that they don't like.

To be clear, I don't condone this type of behavior. I have been a victim of the "conflict-phobe" myself, and it is incredibly frustrating. I have seen close friends of mine behave towards others in this way before, and when I asked them about it, they told me that they "didn't want to hurt the other persons feelings" by being frank with them.

I don't know how people become so afraid of conflict that they would prefer to actively avoid all communication with someone, but I believe it is the cause af many of these snubs.