"Can my spouse play for an evening?"

[jbear]

This has happened during our current campaign no less than 4 times. Of those 4 times 2 of the wives became permanent players, and passionate ones at that.

By the 4th time it happened (as the group was already at the limits sizewise) I tucked the curious person (on the 4th occaision it was the basement gimp) under my wing and had her run monsters with me. Everyone enjoyed seeing monsters being played less clinically and ultra tactically, trying crazy moves like leaping up building walls (only to roll a natural 1 to fall 10 feet to their death... minions....). That way it was really easy just to explain the game as we went.

It also avoided the need to contrive the appearance of an npc bound under a bundle of rugs in the corner of your next encounter (or that box in the basement). I know for a fact she had a great time (until one of her ogres brought down the groups sorceror and an argument broke out amongst the players as to the legitamacy of taking back an action; it was a tense moment but all was forgiven and forgotten). I'm sure she would want to play as well if her schedule allowed it.

So 3 out of 4 and the 4th would play I'm sure if her husband hadn't been ostricised from our social group for antisocial behavior.

It's an option anyway. Give her a taste. That is more than likely all she'll need. Plus a little friendly competition at the table other than all ganging up on the DM is a breath of fresh air!

 

[Dausuul]

Some good thoughts here, thanks, although there are also some things I don't agree with or just wouldn't work for my situation, but I won't do a blow-by-blow.

One thing that quickly became clear from reading this thread is that the details do make a difference. I mean, as a general rule I would always be open to having someone new try the game out, especially if I was looking for more players. But let me add some details into the mix:

1) She has no interest in joining as a regular (afaik) and probably couldn't because they have a baby and we rotate where we play, so unless they brought their baby (which would not be ideal) they couldn't both play.

2) Not including myself, there are already five regular players and two who are on the verge of joining--and that doesn't include this spouse (or other Curious Spouses who want to give it a try, and there are one or two others!). In other words, we're already bursting at the seems for how many I feel comfortable DMing.

3) One of the above mentioned new players may be starting during this session. So I am going to have two new players in this session, neither of whom I know well.

I did end up inviting her because it seemed like the Right Thing to Do (I don't know her well, it is the first time I'll be at her house, etc), but if I'm honest, given the above circumstances I'd actually prefer if she didn't play. But when I make a choice like this I will welcome her with open arms and hope she has a good time.

Ahhh, now your reluctance makes more sense. As a DM, I never want more than 6 players at my table and I'm happier with 4-5.

Still, if one's hostess wants to join in for a session, one should certainly accommodate her if at all possible--as you seem to have concluded. I'm still wondering why she wants to play in the first place, though.

 

[Diamond Cross]

I lean strongly towards no.

Most of the time the spouse can't understand a gamer unless he or she is a gamer and only wants them to quit gaming.

 

[ExploderWizard]

A player in a game I was involved in asked our DM if his girlfriend could sit in on a game. The DM agreed, the girlfriend sat in on the game, really enjoyed it, joined the game properly and became an enthusiastic and well-liked player.

Her boyfriend, however, was actually quite a prat and his behaviour was getting more and more annoying to the DM and the original members of the party.

In the end, the DM approached the player's girlfriend and said "I like you and have no problem with you. Would you still consider playing if I killed off your boyfriend's character and kicked him out of the game?"

The girlfriend said she would be happy to continue playing and she was sick of his behaviour - both in and out of game - herself.

So the player's character got crunched, player was told he wasn't welcome, he stormed off, girlfriend continued playing.

She also dumped him within a couple of days as well.

So, these situations can go all sorts of ways.

Ah yes. Killing off PC's and taking their girlfriends.

 

[Vyvyan Basterd]

I lean strongly towards no.

Most of the time the spouse can't understand a gamer unless he or she is a gamer and only wants them to quit gaming.

This isn't my experience. Most of my gaming friends have spouses that are not gamers. Their spouses view their hobby as nothing different than any other guy hobby and have no desire to stop them from enjoying their hobby. There may be times when they believe too much time is spent on the hobby and not with them or with family, but the same can occur with any hobby (for example "football widows).

Only an immature, self-centered spouse would want their significant other to give up a hobby they enjoy.

 

[fba827]

Ah yes. Killing off PC's and taking their girlfriends.

But isn't that what gamers do --

Kill things and take their stuff?

 

[nedjer]

I'm OK with that, too, if there's enough to share.






What?

Dude! Too much information

 

[pawsplay]

I think the question in the OP can be usefully rephrased as, "Do I want to tell the SO of one of the players that we are competing for their time and attention in an activity in which they are completely unwelcome?"

 

[Uder]

My house rule is no spectators, so it's not, "can she?" it's, "She has to if she wants to be here."

 

[Mephistopheles]

While I agree with spreading the game to new players, I don't agree that any opportunity to introduce a new player to a group should be taken.

I say that because the social mix at the table is, for me at least, one of the biggest factors in determining whether the game as a whole is fun. I recall a line in the DMG from some edition of the game that made the point that you probably shouldn't game with people you wouldn't choose to spend time with outside of the game - in my experience that little piece of advice has proven very true. It's because of this that I prefer to arrange to meet a new player at a pub, preferably with a few of the current players along, for a few drinks before deciding whether to invite them to join the group.

Adding a spouse or partner to the game brings its own set of potential issues. Does the player really want his wife to join or did she pressure him to ask? Are they having problems in their relationship that may intrude into the game either overtly or in the form of subtle jabs or simmering but palpable tension between them? I'm not trying to be all doom and gloom, but relationships can be complicated and can bring a new dimension to the social interaction at the table.

I wouldn't rule it out as an absolute, but it's worth giving it careful consideration before going ahead - on behalf of both you and the other players. In my own games I tend to avoid it unless I'm confident that it won't damage the group.