Can you gauge RPG interest by out of game behavior (updated)

[DonTadow]

You're about to start a campaign and one of your players wants to bring their spouse. Their spouse has only Played Dungeons and Dragons once for three sessions but quit because of the power gamers in the group. The spouse seems interested in playing, but professes that they are too overwhelmed by the PHB and would rather your player create their character and explain as they go. Do you still offer the invite for the player's spouse?

How important are these factors in your decision?

- Experience of other players in the game
- If you use house rules or alternative rules supplements (I.E. Conan or Midnight)
- length of the friendship

Second question, would your decision change if this situation occurred.
You invite your player and their spouse over for a long game (say Arkham Horror, Risk, Doom, Die Macher etc). during a time you normal have your d and d game. The spouse often appears bored and has a hard time following the rules. The spouse also self proclaims she hates games that last longer than 2 hrs.

Does this even effect your decision or are there similiarties between board games and rpgs.

 

[DaveyJones]

hypothetical:

let the spouse join. let the player, spouse, and others in the group know. get feedback from teh group

 

[Herzog]

learning while you are playing is, in my opinion, the only way to really learn the game.

I have not seen anything in your descriptions that would make me refuse a spouse to join the game.

However, in each of the situations, I would want to talk to the person in question (the spouse, not the player bringing the spouse) and ask why she wants to join the game.

If it simply to spend more time with their man, even when that means having to play a game she doesn't like, I would advise her not to do it, but won't refuse her.

Only when a player of any kind is disrupting the game I am running will I ask players to leave the group.
It's supposed to be fun.

Herzog

 

[Peni Griffin]

Just make sure she gets a little extra DM attention. If she's not rules-challenged, she'll pick it up. If she's motivated to play in the game, even if she's rules-challenged, she'll work it out. "Um - I want to, let's see - yes, is it possible for me to get over to Honey Bear and heal him before he croaks? There's bad guys between me and him, right?" "You might get there, but three bad guys would have a chance to hurt you before you arrived. If you ran a big circle, they couldn't touch you, but you'd get there too late to do anything else till your next turn." "Honey Bear, how nearly dead are you?" "If they all hit me you could still save me next round." "Okay, I'll go the long way, then." It's a little time consuming, but it's a time consuming game. Unless you've got jerks at the table you'll be fine.

I figure we all get enough rejection in our lives without passing it on to people who haven't done anything wrong yet. I've played with lots of really marginal players and you need a critical mass for it to be a serious problem.

 

[Sir Elton]

Hmm. Sounds familiar.

 

[Piratecat]

In general, I love playing with spouses and teaching them how to game. I see a few warning signs, though. In this case, I'd invite the spouse to a 3-game mini-campaign that used core rules only, and I'd make it as fun as possible.

Think of it this way: at the very least, she loves her husband enough to take an interest in his hobby. How many people can say the same? Do you want to be the person who quashes that?

 

[KB9JMQ]

I agree with PC.
Also a mini-campaign will help you determine the type and style of game the spouse likes so you can tweak your game a bit to include the new player.

Also after the campaign just ask her if she had fun, does a longer campaign sound like a good idea, etc. I would never turn down a spouse without a huge reason to do so since you risk losing the original player also.

 

[ha-gieden]

In our gaming group we have a couple who are similiar to what you've described. The husband lives and breathes RPG's; it's hard to get him to talk about anything else. The wife, on the other hand, quickly becomes bored, and will occasionally insist that her husband take her home early.

We handle this fairly simply: we announce ahead of time what game will be played and for how long. If the husband tells his wife, "Hey, Honey, I'm going to go game for a while..." she's likely to come along and then discover that she doesn't like the game being played or get frustrated when we've planned an all-nighter. If he says, "We're planning on playing D&D 2E for about three hours" then she can make an informed decision about whether or not she wants to come along.

Then, if she gets bored and wants to go home an hour into the game, the husband can say, "But I thought we agreed that we'd be here three hours..."

This happened a couple of times, but after that, the wife either played the whole time, sat out but hung around the whole time (which was nice, she's a great person), brought her own car, or stayed home. All of these were acceptable to the group.

 

[Mercule]

A mini-campaign seems the way to go. Maybe just a one-off module from Dungeon.

The biggest warning flag I see is "hates games the run longer than 2 hours". This doesn't go at all with D&D.

As a general rule, though, I like teaching new players. I've found spouses and SOs to be great additions. My wife learned 15 years ago, when she decided she wanted to date me. Two other members of my group are spouses with limited or no gaming experience prior to dating/marrying another group member. Everyone is a pretty good player.

For the most part the "original gamers" are a bit more obsessed with the hobby, but everyone is an active and eager participant in the game.

 

[Lockridge]

I find as we get older it is more difficult to pick and choose players. In other words, spouses and even children are too much integrated into each player's life such that you cannot separate them.

My gaming group used to meet weekly Friday evenings to play. As people became involved in relationships they found that leaving their gf or wife on a Friday night just wasn't possible. Eventually, in order to keep the game going, the married male players invited their spouses to join and formed a new group. This was successful for years. The three wives learned the rules to different extents - one was very interested in the rules but the other two were less so. One always insisted on her husband making her character and leveling her up - but she was a great drink mixer.

But all of that was better than not playing at all. We still had fun but the group was less of a "tournament" style and more of a social get together like playing cards with bloody axes.