As a DM, I'll cancel when other events conflict, generally. I'll try to avoid them doing so, but if it happens, it happens. But... we are a group of friends who plays to hang out, more than anything else. If a DM cancels, someone else might run a one-shot or some LFR, or people might get together for other gaming entirely. Usually we just make sure to give a decent heads-up if it will happen, and everyone is happy.
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Cancelling a session / not attending a session.
- Thread starter Aberzanzorax
- Start date
I have a rather unique group for gaming, so we may be the exception to the rule. The group has 10 people: Me as the DM and 9 players. We game every other week Starting in October and ending in May. The rest of the year is off due to people wanting to do things in the spring and summer, and the fact that August and September we are all performers at a local Renaissance Festival.
The general rule for gaming attendance is that we schedule things so far in advance so as to make sure the most people can attend. The other major rule is that family comes first. If I find out you blew off something with your family to attend the game I would be very cross. I also ask that you contact me in some way if you are not going to attend. I will ask that you make sure I have a copy of your character, and we will try not to kill you when you are gone.
That being said, we have a rule that if we do not have quorum (which in this case would be five players) we will not play our usual game and will either cancel or offer to play something else. If we play something else others can be invited as well.
This system works well. We have a Google Calender, along with the calender in our Yahoo Group, so there are several places to verify gaming dates. This weekend is a gaming weekend. I have already been informed that one player cannot attend. He has been asked to be a puppeteer for a show called Transylvania Television (The Retro Monster Comedy That's Really Not For Kids... check it out). He told me this yesterday and said he would arrange for his character sheet to be brought to the game. Another player will not be there because he is spending the weekend with his wife, because her birthday is this week. If he shows up I will send his butt home! We also have one player who cannot make it on a regular basis, but we bring his character along just in case he can make it.
For this gaming session we are at the balancing point. If one more player cancels we can still play, but everyone gets to play two characters. If two players cancel then I will call everyone and see if something else will be played, or if we cancel. It's no big deal to me. If we play, great! If we do not, oh well!
It is, after all, just a game.
The general rule for gaming attendance is that we schedule things so far in advance so as to make sure the most people can attend. The other major rule is that family comes first. If I find out you blew off something with your family to attend the game I would be very cross. I also ask that you contact me in some way if you are not going to attend. I will ask that you make sure I have a copy of your character, and we will try not to kill you when you are gone.
That being said, we have a rule that if we do not have quorum (which in this case would be five players) we will not play our usual game and will either cancel or offer to play something else. If we play something else others can be invited as well.
This system works well. We have a Google Calender, along with the calender in our Yahoo Group, so there are several places to verify gaming dates. This weekend is a gaming weekend. I have already been informed that one player cannot attend. He has been asked to be a puppeteer for a show called Transylvania Television (The Retro Monster Comedy That's Really Not For Kids... check it out). He told me this yesterday and said he would arrange for his character sheet to be brought to the game. Another player will not be there because he is spending the weekend with his wife, because her birthday is this week. If he shows up I will send his butt home! We also have one player who cannot make it on a regular basis, but we bring his character along just in case he can make it.
For this gaming session we are at the balancing point. If one more player cancels we can still play, but everyone gets to play two characters. If two players cancel then I will call everyone and see if something else will be played, or if we cancel. It's no big deal to me. If we play, great! If we do not, oh well!
It is, after all, just a game.
Merkuri
Explorer
I see it this way:
If your game has a regular schedule (like my group plays every Monday from 8-11 Eastern) then you should make some effort to be available during that time.
If you have the option of doing something any day of the week and you pick game day then that's not cool. Like others have said, playing D&D is like playing a sport where you need a certain number of people on a team, and if somebody doesn't show then the game is affected. You're being inconsiderate if you just decide to do something else that day.
However, if something happens or needs to happen on game day and you can't change it, or changing it would inconvenience other people, then that's understandable. It is a game, after all.
Excuses that I find okay are having to travel for work, significant other is sick, or an appointment where the best day happens to be game day.
Excuses that I don't find okay are playing video games, or scheduling an appointment that could have easily been done on a different day.
I do find "I'm just not feeling it today" to be an acceptable excuse. If you're so stressed or out of it that you're not going to enjoy the session then you might bring down everybody else and it would probably be best if you weren't there. If this appens a lot, though, then perhaps said player should think about why they like to play D&D in the first place.
A date, though... I think I'd have to deal with that one on a case-by-case basis. I'd like to know why it has to happen on game night. If there's a good reason, then okay. If that's just the first day that was suggested and the gamer said, "sure!" without suggesting a different day then I feel like not enough effort was made to make it to the game. All I ask is you take a moment to say, "That night's not great for me, how about <different day>?" and if the datetee says only the first day will work then at least you made the effort and I'm okay with you missing the game.
I'm in the same game as Hussar, and a lot of people seem to think online games do not demand the same sort of commitment as live games. Just because you've never met me in person doesn't mean you have the right to agree to play a game on Mondays and then only show up half of the time without warning. It's not an MMORPG. There are real people on the other side of that computer screen that may have their game messed up if you decide not to show.
If your game has a regular schedule (like my group plays every Monday from 8-11 Eastern) then you should make some effort to be available during that time.
If you have the option of doing something any day of the week and you pick game day then that's not cool. Like others have said, playing D&D is like playing a sport where you need a certain number of people on a team, and if somebody doesn't show then the game is affected. You're being inconsiderate if you just decide to do something else that day.
However, if something happens or needs to happen on game day and you can't change it, or changing it would inconvenience other people, then that's understandable. It is a game, after all.
Excuses that I find okay are having to travel for work, significant other is sick, or an appointment where the best day happens to be game day.
Excuses that I don't find okay are playing video games, or scheduling an appointment that could have easily been done on a different day.
I do find "I'm just not feeling it today" to be an acceptable excuse. If you're so stressed or out of it that you're not going to enjoy the session then you might bring down everybody else and it would probably be best if you weren't there. If this appens a lot, though, then perhaps said player should think about why they like to play D&D in the first place.
A date, though... I think I'd have to deal with that one on a case-by-case basis. I'd like to know why it has to happen on game night. If there's a good reason, then okay. If that's just the first day that was suggested and the gamer said, "sure!" without suggesting a different day then I feel like not enough effort was made to make it to the game. All I ask is you take a moment to say, "That night's not great for me, how about <different day>?" and if the datetee says only the first day will work then at least you made the effort and I'm okay with you missing the game.
I'm in the same game as Hussar, and a lot of people seem to think online games do not demand the same sort of commitment as live games. Just because you've never met me in person doesn't mean you have the right to agree to play a game on Mondays and then only show up half of the time without warning. It's not an MMORPG. There are real people on the other side of that computer screen that may have their game messed up if you decide not to show.
Ladies and gentlemen,
We have an ignore function for good reason, and we certainly think you should use it if you find someone regularly irks you. The point of the function is that you won't see things that antagonize you, so that you can keep your cool.
However, do note that waving the fact that you're using it in someone's face is extremely rude. If you feel a need to walk away from a conversation, or another poster, please do so. But do so quietly, with decorum. Not with a public declaration.
Thank you for your attention.
Desdichado
Hero
J'ACCUSE!
Oh, sorry, sorry! My bad. That was just my world of blame conditioning there.
Did you not see that this was addressed by a moderator? Give it a rest, please. This sort of passive aggressive "I'm trying to start a fight but I don't want it to look that way" sniping is tremendously annoying, and not particularly needed. ~ PCat
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Steel_Wind
Legend
I think the different perspectives that people bring to the table concerning this issue stems from two different underlying assumptions which are not necessarily shared by some who view the issue differently. While there are probably a few other "big differences", the two that have emerged so far are:
1 - Nature of the Gaming Group:
Is the game with a long-standing gaming group, or with a colleciton of people whose only real contact with each other is through gaming?
I've been gaming with 2 of the other people in my group since the 70s. The other four in the gaming circle, the "new" additions, we've been gaming with for nearly 20 years (1992).
The level of understanding and expectations in such a group dynamic is very different than in people who meet at a game store or other "gaming connection/meetup" situation.
What is fine in one situation is not necessarily fine in another. They can't be judged by the same standard at all times. This leads to a significant divergence of opinion on a matter which may well be seen by both sides very similarly if the underlying social contract of their gaming group was the same.
2- The Wife Thing™
I game every other weekend. When the game is here, my wife plays with us. When it isn't - she does not. While she's not a hardcore gamer, she's a very willing "casual gamer." She understands.
I'm very lucky. You see, this is Wife 2.0 for me. With Wife 1.0, matters were very, very different, I assure you.
I've also got four kids. (2 with 1.0, 2 more with 2.0.) So I do understand the friction caused by kids and the whole Wife Thing™. I also readily understand that when a game gets cancelled, The Wife Thing™ can render that cancellation into being a bigger deal than it otherwise would be.
That said, at a certain point, there is a line in the sand. Where, precisely, that line in the sand is to be drawn is extremely fuzzy and unclear -- but that doesn't mean the line's not there. And that line, once crossed, CHANGES the problem from one where "The game is unreasonably cancelled" so that it instead exposes the REAL problem: "My wife is a controlling bitch".
To state the obvious point which appears to nevertheless need stating: When that line in the sand is crossed, the problem actually isn't the cancellation of the game. The problem is a wife that MAKES the cancellation of that game seem like such a big deal (when it really isn't).
Don't blame others for a problem which is, in the end, one that is entirely one of your own manufacture.
1 - Nature of the Gaming Group:
Is the game with a long-standing gaming group, or with a colleciton of people whose only real contact with each other is through gaming?
I've been gaming with 2 of the other people in my group since the 70s. The other four in the gaming circle, the "new" additions, we've been gaming with for nearly 20 years (1992).
The level of understanding and expectations in such a group dynamic is very different than in people who meet at a game store or other "gaming connection/meetup" situation.
What is fine in one situation is not necessarily fine in another. They can't be judged by the same standard at all times. This leads to a significant divergence of opinion on a matter which may well be seen by both sides very similarly if the underlying social contract of their gaming group was the same.
2- The Wife Thing™
I game every other weekend. When the game is here, my wife plays with us. When it isn't - she does not. While she's not a hardcore gamer, she's a very willing "casual gamer." She understands.
I'm very lucky. You see, this is Wife 2.0 for me. With Wife 1.0, matters were very, very different, I assure you.
I've also got four kids. (2 with 1.0, 2 more with 2.0.) So I do understand the friction caused by kids and the whole Wife Thing™. I also readily understand that when a game gets cancelled, The Wife Thing™ can render that cancellation into being a bigger deal than it otherwise would be.
That said, at a certain point, there is a line in the sand. Where, precisely, that line in the sand is to be drawn is extremely fuzzy and unclear -- but that doesn't mean the line's not there. And that line, once crossed, CHANGES the problem from one where "The game is unreasonably cancelled" so that it instead exposes the REAL problem: "My wife is a controlling bitch".
To state the obvious point which appears to nevertheless need stating: When that line in the sand is crossed, the problem actually isn't the cancellation of the game. The problem is a wife that MAKES the cancellation of that game seem like such a big deal (when it really isn't).
Don't blame others for a problem which is, in the end, one that is entirely one of your own manufacture.
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Barastrondo
First Post
It's funny how so many of the people saying "It's just a game" are published RPG authors, going by their sigs.
It's a bit of an advantage, arguably. You have to take things seriously enough to understand your core audience, obviously. But at the same time, you can't take a game so seriously that you blow off a deadline because it'd interfere with game night. Depending on what you publish, you also might not want to devote all your time to one particular ongoing campaign; game writing is improved by exposing yourself to new systems, new ways of doing things.
Merkuri
Explorer
It's funny how so many of the people saying "It's just a game" are published RPG authors, going by their sigs.
I suspect that people who are in multiple groups playing multiple games probably feel less upset when a game is canceled because they play so frequently. The less frequently you play the bigger a deal it is when a game is canceled.
So the "it's just a game" comments coming from published RPG authors may also have something to do with the fact that these authors probably play more games than the average EN World poster. Just a guess on my part.
Full disclosure: I play once a week... when the game isn't canceled.
I play in an OD&D game most Tuesdays (work, illnesses and other things get in the way) and I play a D&D 3.0 game every other week from October through May. Gaslight will be intermixed with D&D 3.0 in the coming weeks, and other games are played when the whim strikes.
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