RPG Evolution: Game Cancelled, Now What?

Picture courtesy of Pixabay.​

The cancellation of your regular tabletop gaming session can have a surprisingly significant psychological impact on players, and it certainly affects me as game master. There's no single word to summarize the disappointment in missing a game, which is why I turned to other languages for help.

Meet Fernweh​

One possible candidate is Fernweh, a German word that describes a longing for distant places or experiences. In the context of a cancelled game, Fernweh seems apt: a longing for the imagined adventures, shared stories, and camaraderie that's part of the tabletop gaming experience.

Longing to game most often manifests as disappointment and frustration when you can't play, ranging from a mild sense of letdown to a more intense feeling of frustration, especially if the cancellation was unexpected, poorly communicated, or due to circumstances beyond your control. If you invested significant time and effort in preparing for the game (creating characters, planning strategies, clearing schedules, etc.), the disappointment can be even more pronounced.

Cancelling is bad enough, but for long-term campaigns, the cancellation can feel like a genuine missed visit to a vacation destination. Long-term gamers can developed strong emotional connections to their characters and the shared narrative. For these games, it's not just disappointment; the cancellation can be depressing too, particularly if the campaign is a way to blow off steam during a particular tough week. If the cancellation is permanent, the Fernweh can turn into grief.

Emotional Damage​

Missing a game is rough, and because tabletop play typically lasts several hours, you might find yourself with more time on your hands than you anticipated. I know I expeirence restlessness and struggle doing something else after I planned for the game; as a game master, I prepare myself mentally to role-play, organize my time, and get ready to "get into character." So it's perhaps unavoidable that I end up feeling a general sense of malaise. Even if I do switch gears, I don't necessarily enjoy other activities as much.

Beyond the disruption, RPGs provide a vital social outlet, potentially the only one for busy adults. The cancellation can disrupt these social connections, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness, especially if the game is the only time you get to see your friends.

How to Cope​

It's taken me a while to acknowledge this even happens. "It's only a game" does a disservice to the emotional investment in time commitments we all pour into our games. It’s okay to feel disappointed, frustrated, or even sad when a game is cancelled.

Open communication with the gaming group is also crucial. Discussing the cancellation and understanding the reasons behind it can help to alleviate some of the frustration, particularly if the cancellation was due to miscommunication.

Finding alternative outlets for engagement with the hobby can help too. This could involve playing other games (there is an entire genre of beer-and-pretzels games that have sprung up when there are too few players to play a tabletop role-playing game, but enough to still play a game together), reading gaming-related books or articles, watching streams or podcasts, or engaging in online discussions with other gamers. And of course, game masters can work ahead so they have more content for future games.

Finally, you can always just do something else: pursuing other hobbies, spending time with friends and family (outside of the gaming group), exercising, or simply engaging in relaxing activities like reading or listening to music. Prioritizing self-care, such as getting enough sleep, eating well, and practicing relaxation techniques, can also help too so the game isn't the only therapeutic outlet.

It's tough when a game is cancelled, and I'm still working through how to deal with how disruptive it is both to my schedule and my emotions. But odds are high it will happen more than once, so having mitigation strategies before a game is cancelled can go a long way to help you cope.

Still sucks though.

Your Turn: What do you do when your game is cancelled (besides not play)?

 

[Lanefan]

Game sunk for the week? No problem, just look forward to next week's game instead.

 

[CellarHeroes]

I can apply this to a total loss of gaming. I've basically given up and called it quits in the last few years, and tried to find other adjacent hobbies to fill that void, like painting minis, playing more video games, and listening to more music. Sadly, that longing never really goes away, but the anxiety, frustration and disappointment are far more manageable now. Seems like a fair trade.

I can relate, for the most part...
During COVID, I was one of those essential healthcare workers working double-shifts 6-7 days a week. But I did have enough time to read, see, and hear about other people having so much time on their hands to game. As things began to settle down and I was getting closer to a normal schedule I escaped into the realm of solo board games. Which then had me gravitating to campaign-style games.

Then I began to really miss RPGs with other people, but I felt so far behind. Role-playing seemed to have changed so much over the couples of years I was absent. Some games, or at least how they were being played, were almost unrecognizable. But I was ready to play, and jumped into the first game I could find. Participated in Session 0, created a character, absorbed the house rules, and anxiously waited for the first session. Three of the other players weren't able to make it to the first session. The GM explained that these players usually miss sessions, but rarely at the same time. the disappointment and frustration hit me, and I thanked the GM for his time and told him his world seemed really great, but this wouldn't be the group for me.

Now when I play or GM, I am very picky about who I play with and can be pretty persnickety when it comes to attendance.

 

[talien]

Now when I play or GM, I am very picky about who I play with and can be pretty persnickety when it comes to attendance.

Good friends are an open-door policy.

But steady gamers who I play with online are definitely expected to attend often, and if they can't, when we start a new arc, we shift gears. It's tougher than the sometimes fuzzy in-person games: playing online means being part of an online chat tool, Facebook group, archive of content, etc. Leaving the game means I have to remove that person from each of those, so it feels a lot harsher when a player "self-exits" and thus can feel a lot more severe (to me anyway) than "John didn't show up today at the game but I'll probably seem him at the next barbecue."

 

[MGibster]

It's weird that the only time one might see their friends is when gaming. Friends usually have each others numbers and addresses and do more together than game. At least, that's how friendship works for me.

Aristotle classified three different types of friendship.

1. Friendship of Utility: We both derive some benefit from the friendship.
2. Friendship of Pleasure: Friendships based on common pursuits or interest.
3. Friendship of the Good: This friendship is based on virtue, the good you see in one another.

We're human beings, so of course a friend could be in more than one category. I have several gaming friends who I don't really hang out too much with outside of gaming. I care about them, but without gaming I probably wouldn't see them very often.

 

[Thomas Shey]

Its pretty rare with us because we have a policy of a single player missing just having their character played by someone else. There's also a big difference between "We're skipping the next one because half the group is going to be out of town" and "We find out two days before that it won't happen." The latter is much more jarring.

 

[Thomas Shey]

Aristotle classified three different types of friendship.

1. Friendship of Utility: We both derive some benefit from the friendship.
2. Friendship of Pleasure: Friendships based on common pursuits or interest.
3. Friendship of the Good: This friendship is based on virtue, the good you see in one another.

We're human beings, so of course a friend could be in more than one category. I have several gaming friends who I don't really hang out too much with outside of gaming. I care about them, but without gaming I probably wouldn't see them very often.

That probably describes most of my friends, honestly. Including some I've known for a very long time.

 

[Umbran]

It's weird that the only time one might see their friends is when gaming. Friends usually have each others numbers and addresses and do more together than game. At least, that's how friendship works for me.

Adults have lives. They have family, other friends, work and commitments. Structuring time around an activity (be it an RPG, a movie night, a regular "guys/girls night out", etc) is a solid way to keep having a diverse group of people remain in your life.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Back in the 1990s, I was in a group in Austin that had to deal with multiple cancellations. Our solution was:

1) Every member of the group had to design at least one campaign to run, in a system of their choice.

2) Every member of the group had to have a character for each campaign.

3) Every week, we scheduled a primary and backup campaign. We expected to play in the primary campaign; the backup would be run in case the primary campaign fell through. That meant every week, each player had to bring their PCs for 2 different campaigns.

4) In the rare event that both RPG campaigns fell through, we’d play board games or M:tG.

That system translated into us almost always playing an RPG on game night unless we decided to play board games, play M:tG, or watch some geeky movie on SciFi or some such.

That also slowed us a lot of space for experimentation. In that group, we actually got involved in 2 playrests. We also had one guy who kept starting and ending campaigns in different RPGs, almost all centered around mecha or other anime/manga type themes.

 

[Jacob Lewis]

I can relate, for the most part...
During COVID, I was one of those essential healthcare workers working double-shifts 6-7 days a week. But I did have enough time to read, see, and hear about other people having so much time on their hands to game. As things began to settle down and I was getting closer to a normal schedule I escaped into the realm of solo board games. Which then had me gravitating to campaign-style games.

Then I began to really miss RPGs with other people, but I felt so far behind. Role-playing seemed to have changed so much over the couples of years I was absent. Some games, or at least how they were being played, were almost unrecognizable. But I was ready to play, and jumped into the first game I could find. Participated in Session 0, created a character, absorbed the house rules, and anxiously waited for the first session. Three of the other players weren't able to make it to the first session. The GM explained that these players usually miss sessions, but rarely at the same time. the disappointment and frustration hit me, and I thanked the GM for his time and told him his world seemed really great, but this wouldn't be the group for me.

Now when I play or GM, I am very picky about who I play with and can be pretty persnickety when it comes to attendance.

I can appreciate what you went through, and about holding people to standards. Some of us make great efforts to ensure we get the most out of our time when it is available to do the things we love. I've no time for people who place less value on those activities, or the time invested to indulge in those activities, or the time and value that others put into those things. Finding a game isn't just about the right system, the right setting, or the right GM. It's a shared experience that relies on everyone willing to commit to themselves, as well as each other. I've always been picky in that regard, and probably why I didn't run as many games as I would've liked. Cheers!

 

[MGibster]

When I'm running a campaign, I expect players to show up on a regular basis. Life happens, people get sick, and things come up, so I don't mind when players do have to miss a session. It's only a problem when someone can't attend on a regular basis. Since COVID, I've been a little more careful about attending games when I have the sniffles. If I have something I think might be contagious, I cancel the game. When a player has something they think is contagious, I expect them to stay away.

Normally, if I just have one player missing a game, we just play as normal. If the session is important, like it's the last game of the campaign, I'll usually cancel if everyone can't attend. When games are cancelled, we'll sometimes just play boardgames instead.