Gregor's Judgement
Round 2 – Match 2
Rodrigo Instalindir’s ‘Revenge is a Dish Best Served Sticky’ vs. Daeja’s ‘Unnamed’ vs. SteelDraco’s ‘Shards out of Bond’
Alright, I know I've commented on how tight the competition is but this one seriously gave me pause. I felt like I was being beaten up by three literary heavyweights. When I finished reading, battered and bruised but smiling, I was not sure who was going to get my vote. Everyone can write, use the pictures and produce something incredibly engaging. In all seriousness, I lay in bed last night trying to sort out my feelings on the matter. Well, lets see what my insomnia produced...
Writing Skill & Style
Rodrigo delivers a very sharp, tightly written piece of prose. Absolutely great flow, good sense of mood and a solid mix of styles with the addition of poetry/song lyrics. Also, the vocabulary and language use is just fantastic in this story.
Daeja likewise provides a well written piece with some really fantastic story progression and character dialogue. There are a couple of typos towards the end of the story, but they are very minor and do not detract from the work.
SteelDraco completes the triad of quality by also producing a very well written tale. There are really great characters, totally solid dialogue, a good melding of styles (e.g. different dialects - Goblins). There is a lot of fluffy flavour (that is a term I just made up right now) here and many scenes are filled the texture.
As an aside, you all have some wicked world-building skills but I'll probably discuss those below in personal enjoyment.
Use of the Photo Elements
Rodrigo, in all honestly, I think this might be the most creative use of photos I've seen in this competition (second place going to PirateCat in Round 1). I honestly believe that you looked at what was presented to you and were inspired to write a dark story centered on the works of Roald Dahl. If it was the other way around, then you surely convinced this judge otherwise. Lets start with the knids as the white ball image. These are spot on in terms of the theme you'r going for. You also creatively use the multi-doored temple/ruins as a hive for your Oompa-Loompas and from what we know about their homeland (e.g. Africa) then it fits so nicely. The skeletal Wonka is a wicked distillation from the image. I also thought that your use of the stone/gems as evil lich Wonka’s phylactery made me feel happy inside. Seriously, right outta the park on this one.
Daeja, I really, really like the idea that the skeleton is your Gentleman Jack and that he formed a main character. It worked fantastically (especially tying in the money aspect of the image and then working it into the story) and it was the perfect illustration if I read this in a book. As I've said in previous judgements, I really appreciate when someone gives me a tease before the image is shown. Well, you do some great foreshadowing of the red crystal at the beginning of the tale and it is a solid story tool as an item Jack needs / what a necromancer used to control the undead in your world. The jungle tower complex thing works well as a burial tower and it ties nicely as a set piece into your story (the search for something a necromancer might have / as a sight where the walking dead might come from). I thought the white ball-creatures were also used creatively as scouts for Beth and believable as a sort of spell or magical creature. Bravo.
SteelDraco, the white ball creatures work nicely as bound souls and I like that you don’t reveal the illustration until later in the piece. I also like that you use them as characters, with personalities and voices (Bound goblin souls? Awesome). You give us additional foreshadowing with the red shard/stone picture ... we don’t know what it is, but we know its valuable in your tale. The temple complex is used in much the same way as everyone else and I would have liked to have seen where you went with it. Judging by your story (which I elaborate on below), I have a feeling you would have fleshed it out in detail. Its also a shame you didn’t get around to using the skeletal gentleman, but I presume he would have been your lich lord.
Personal Enjoyment
Rodrigo, you produced a really fantastic short piece. The introduction is fabulous and it sets a great pace and mood. Quick and dark. Ultimately, this story is an extremely clever spin-off of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory / Glass Elevator that I really, really dug. I’m really impressed at your ability to write a really neat short story based in the world of Charlie but inspired by a totally random set of images. It actually took me a fair amount of time to find all your little details and I admit that I rocked back and forth between wikipedia and your story JUST so I could see how many little details you added. Lets pause here and discuss the best part of your story: Evil Oopma Loompas at the service of a Willy Wonka Lich Lord? Ya ... Awesome. You even throw in vermicious knid, but as a white toothed species. Again, just awesome. You have a really great way with words (e.g. undead industrialist; tangerine-tinted abattoir) and the tale was an absolute pleasure to read. It deftly uses the images, is inspired and held my attention. My only critique would be that it was almost too quick and the final confrontation felt a touch rushed. In fact, I would have killed for a scene with Charlie, even if it happened in the past. I would have loved to have seen what you would do with him and I think it would have strengthened the piece. That being said, you really delivered here.
Daeja, there are things in your story that simply blow me away. Is it entertaining? Absolutely. Did it hold my attention? Definitely. But what it does best is produce amazingly fantastic characters with believable emotions. I love Jack. I love Beth. I believe they are real. I believe that they would speak like the way you write their dialogue. They have texture, detail and take on a real form in my mind. Honestly Daeja, you rule here. I also really like the world you’ve created. This could easily be a chapter in a longer story and your hints of background and history in your fictional world are pretty great: a potential love history between Jack and Beth; Jack received a curse from some witch in his past and we have questions about the witch's coven that Jack slew. I really could go on here, but in short: you wrote a wicked story that would have held my attention while at sea during a monsoon.
SteelDraco, when I went to read your story and saw that you did not finish I was a bit disappointed. However, that feeling was set alight, reduced to ashes and blown away in the wind within 5 minutes of reading. You unleash a salvo of fantasy goodness here. The clockwork messenger has a wicked original Clash of the Titans feel which sets the dark steampunk meets sword/sorcery feel of your story. You then immediately layer on an Eberron / Kingkiller Chronicles vibe and then pepper it with some names found in Golarion. Serious fantasy cocktail happening in this piece. Honestly, the first 3 paragraphs hooked me big time. Will you write a campaign setting please? You produced great characters, good dialogue, and solid background to your very magical world which gives it texture (e.g. that binding souls is a crime). I also liked the little details such as needing the elemental spirit to ‘rest’ being the equivalent of refueling for machines. However, things start to pick up the pace a little too quickly though, like the story was in a rush. I got the feeling that the measured quality pace and style that I was becoming accustomed to was rapidly giving way to a need to submit something. Its an absolute shame that you didn’t finish as I think you had something great going on here, but unfortunately its rushed paced ends up stopping short and that harms the piece in the end.
Final Verdict
My vote ended up coming down to Daeja and Rodrigo Istalindir who I think were neck and neck by the time I was setting down my final thoughts. Both produced fantastic stories that I enjoyed equally for different reasons. Both were written amazingly and used the pictures cleverly. However, in order to break the tie I went back to the spirit of the competition and had to assess based on who edged the other out in terms of using the random images the best. Based on that, I still mulled and bit at my nails but I think one was ultimately better than the other.
My vote therefore goes to Rodrigo Instalindir by a freaking hair.
