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[CoC] A Comedy of Cthulhu

this happens every time we play

this happens in every game, john always tries to kill everyone, then someone slaps him up side the head (the coc book usualy) and then we skip a few of turns. and for those of you who wonder why we play with such a waist of life, have to remeber that there are just some people who dont get that they are hated, but he is always a good laugh, like the time he wanted to be a tarask, that worked oh so well
john:i trie and wake up
dm: you fale
john: are you sure
dm: yes im sure, terasks sleep for 100reds of years at a time
john: are you sure, i dont think so i think i sould be able to wake up
group: shut up, its not even your turn!

i do very much a agree with marta, it looks a lot worse when its writen down
 

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Marta said:
Yeah, generally speaking our party is pretty idiotic, but I'm happy to report I have not done anything chaotic stupid like Ms. Love Bunny... (etc.)

And I draw your attention to the incident where she attack a man armed with a shotgun with a hatchet, and then charged him with that hatchet after she missed and he ran for cover.

Nothing Chaotic Stupid. Yeah, right.
 

Our group is probably the most absent minded DnD group ever assembled. As you have already heard I play the "chaotic stupid" alignment charcters as given the name by our DM. He is actually a great DM and I thank him for providing us with these great and hilarious campaigns. I am trying to be less "chaotic stupid" however everything I do ends up in me being: A)Killed B)Put in Jail C)Being forced to play a new character or D)The entire party revolting against my actions. I cant figure out why they try to bring me down and I dont know if I ever will. What I can say is their actions against me always lead to the funniest moments we've had. I am trying to get better and seem to play the best character for the first 20-50 turns. Then my mind seems to go into a state of paranoia and I need to do something completely irrational. I have thought about DMing a campaign but I dont have the time to actually create one so I will play as a PC. DnD has lead to the funniest moments in school and the game sessions always end in histerics. Here is an example of one of our club sessions proctored by the coolest teacher in school: One of the players plays as a Japenese man with a pet Tenuki. A Tenuki is a mystical creature that can turn into anything it is asked to by the player that controls it.

DM: You walk through the gate and end up on the top of a soaring building. A man comes up to you and says "Welcome to the Empire State Building"
Player: I take out my sword and stab him in the stomach, kick him off my sword and off the building.
DM: You successfully stab, and kick the man off the building. You hear the sound of "Splat" lightly from the ground below.
Player: I have my Tenuki change into a Japenese tourist with a large camera and have him take a picture. (All the people in the room burst out in laughter)
DM: You receive 100 X.P. for successfully playing your character.

This is a sample of one of our gaming sessions and I will post more funny situations as they come up. To post again...

Teedoff101
 

Hey! Yes, I know what I did seemed chaotic stupid, but it wasn't! I can completely justify it! How would you feel if you were in a tent, with all girls, in the woods, in the middle of the night and you wake up to see a crazy man standing in your tent holding a gun barrel to your head? I think I acted pretty rationally considering the circumstances....
 

Note on the above.

This was in a campiagn I had designed to be Chaotic Stupid (the party burnt down a town before the incident described) and the character in question was a 16th level rogue/yakuza.

16th level characters can do just about anything the hell they want to, not 1st level investigators.
 

Marta said:
Yeah, generally speaking our party is pretty idiotic, but I'm happy to report I have not done anything chaotic stupid or anything like "Ms. Love-Bunny"....although a new saying among our party is now "at least we didn't roleplay it" in response to the interesting events with the librarian....well, at least there's only 2 ways this will end: 1) we all die or 2) at least one of us succeeds...right now #1 is looking more likely...

You forget number three :
3) You all finish completly and mad taking electroshock treatment at the local Arkam Asylum :)
 

Yeah that 3rd option is bound to come into play sooner or later. The group has fun although we arent the best DnD players and therefore we keep playing. Soon to post more...

Teedoff101
 

After completing the investigation on how to fool a lie detector. David went to his room and threw a bunch of stuff in a box, then he carried the box up to the 3rd floor, opened up room 325, saw the bodies on the floor and dropped the stuff, spilling clothing and books across the bloodstained carpet. Then he started to panic, ran down to his room, and called 911.
“Hello, Arkham Emergency Assistance.”
“Oh my God!” David sobbed into the phone, “There’s been a double murder at the Kensingwood Dorm at Miskatonic University. I walked in on them and they were dead! Dead!”
“It’s all right sir, a police squad will be there right away. But first, what room was it?”
“Room 325.”
‘Thank you, and where are you?”
“I’m in me room, but I’ll go out to the plaza. Goodbye.” David sighed, a rumpled his clothing a little before he walked out to the plaza.
A few minutes later, two patrol cars pulled up, sirens wailing. Four cops jumped out, three of them rushed up the stairs, and the last one walked over to David and sat down beside him. “What did you see.” He said, taking out a tape recorder.
“I was going to deliver a box of stuff to them, but when I opened the door they were dead.”
“Who was dead?” The cop asked.
“Terry and Hugh, those were the guys I was giving the stuff to, they said to give it to them in that room.” David said, remembering the names from their driver’s licenses he had gotten from their wallets.
“Did you touch anything in the room?” The cop continued
“No. I did drop the box I was carrying on the floor.” David answered. The cop clicked off his tape recorder and stood up. “Hey, could you, uh take me too my room.” David asked. “My legs are sorta not working right now. I think I’m going to bed.”

David saw Kensingwood from the air, a green fog was billowing out of the windows and spreading across the campus, across New England, America, the Northern Hemisphere, the world, his view zooming outwards until he was in space. Suddenly Earth, now a light green marble, disappeared, leaving a just a slightly thinner bit of vacuum. He realized that he was breathing nothing, his blood began to boil, his lungs to freeze-dry, his eyes started to expand, he could feel the pressure building up from the inside. In seconds his eyes would explode and he would die. The cornea broke and he woke up in bed, in a freezing sweat. By the clock he had been asleep ten minutes, yet it felt more like 10 years. He put on some clothing, and went upstairs.

The doorway to the 3rd level was being guarded by a man in a brown suit with sunglasses and an earbug. He looked at David walking up the stairs in a T-shirt and pajama bottoms.
“Hey, dude, could I like get my stuff.” David asked, playing the teenager angle for all it was worth.
“Sir, your stuff is now part of a federal crime scene. It will be returned to you at the end of the investigation, and you will be reimbursed for your time.” The agent said.
“But like, dude, I need my stuff.” David pleaded
“Tough, now leave before I am forced to remove you.” The agent threatened.
David backed off, went downstairs and took a shower. He changed into a suit and tie, combed his hair back, and grabbed a notebook and camera, then he went back upstairs.
“David Chaise.” He said, flashing his driver’s license. “I’m a parapyschologist. I got a call from a couple of students that there was some sort of portal effect in the stairwell. I’m here to check it out.”
“Mr. Chaise, this is a federal crime scene, I am afraid that you are authorized to be here. Now leave. These murders supersede any call a student might have made.” Suddenly something exploded on the top floor, the agent turned, and dashed up the stairs and down the corridor.

Marta joined Saquina at the checkout desk. “What happened?”
“Little bastard set me up.” Saquina growled. “I have to talk to him. We need that access to the restricted section.”

They found him standing on a balcony about 20 feet above them, carrying an armload of books. “Stay away!” He warned. “I’ll throw these!”
“Elan, we need to talk.” Saquina called up.
“I don’t want to talk about our relationship! You’re too clingy! I think we should see other people!” He panicked, and tossed the books down missing them by a dozen feet before he ran off.”
One of the books fell open on a picture of a Roman Frieze, and for a moment Saquina though she saw the strange sign she had seen on the letter in the pattern of slaves doing labor on a Roman farm. “Whoa, strange.”
 

David snuck into the hallway behind the agent. A group of technicians were working with a large device that looked a lot like a library copier. One of the side panels had blown out, exposing a mass of smoking cables and circuit boards. One of the technicians said, “The power levels are insane.” David pulled his digital infrared camera from his parapyschologist bag and scanned the room. The machine was intensely hot, over 500 degrees, as were the smoldering bits embedded in the carpet and walls. There was a faint cold rim around the doorway where the portal had been. The biggest surprise was the agent, according to the infrared camera; his body temperature was little more than 40 degrees. At that moment, another pair of agents came out of room 325. They saw David and walked over. “Hey, you aren’t authorized to be here.”
David flashed his driver’s license again. “I was let in earlier by the police.”
“They aren’t in charge of this investigation anymore, now get out!” Faced with this onslaught, David retreated downstairs, to room 225, right below 325. Whoever the occupant of this room had been, they had left the door unlocked. David let himself in, and drilled a hole in the ceiling. He inserted a miniature spy camera into the room above.

Two agents were talking in the doorway; David added a microphone to the camera.
“The rogues are becoming incredibly daring. They know a Philadelphia effect of this power would draw our attention almost instantaneously.”
“They must think they are near completion.”
“We should alert our allies, and possible Delta.”
“Delta?”
“If we disguise our source, they might go after it. They have access to area we do not.” The agents left as David franatically scribbled down notes.

Because the frieze where the weird symbol had been seen was Roman, Marta and Saquina decided to show up at Crazy Professor Leopold’s 3:00 lecture on Roman art, then possibly go on a roadtrip to Boston or the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York to see the real thing, despite the fact that the frieze in question was in a Roman ruin in Italy.

Nikki, trying to find the powers of the dreamlands, went to sleep, attempting to dream of flying squirrels. Her dream concerned herself as a flying squirrel on a dream date with the Josh Hartnett flying squirrel.

Everybody else went about their normal everyday routines, with no apparent Mythos activity whatsoever. These were all intensely boring, so they will not be covered.
 

Thanks for the update I wasnt there today. Ummm... where did David get the spy cam? I like how u used Leopold in the quest. MY question is: Will this ever end? And if so how will they have to do it? Since I cannot play anymore tell me tomorrow. See ya. To post more...

Teedoff101
 

Into the Woods

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