Completely off topic: considering a divorce and need any advice out there
- Thread starter krunchyfrogg
- Start date
Ghostwind
First Post
Glad to hear that things may be salvageable. As suggested, choose a good therapist and try to always go into counseling with an open mind. Hopefully you and your wife can meet in the middle and fix the things that threaten to separate you.
krunchyfrogg
Explorer
Well guys, I really want to thank you for all the kind words and advice.
She's refused to see a therapist with me, everything is my fault, and she's done absolutely nothing wrong.
I'll spare all the details, but I don't think it'll work. I've been staying and sleeping at my job for the past three days, and I don't plan on going back. Every night, she'll text me, which seems to be a starting point to reaching out, but it quickly diminishes into a fight, whether it's on the phone or through texting.
I'm unwelcome in my own home.
I miss my baby like crazy (she's 15 months now).
I actually look forward to an official divorce. I'll be able to spend time with my little girl without the wife being there to ruin it. I'll be able to spend time getting to know myself better, as I've never had the opportunity to actually live on my own for more than a month (my parents moved shortly after I finished college, and I kept the apartment I grew up in... within a month, somehow, the woman I eventually married had moved into the apartment... I still don't know how that happened).
All that being said, if she reached out an wanted to try to reconcile, I'd be back in an instant. I don't want my daughter growing up without two parents. I have reached out every day, via phone calls to my wife and attempted to work things out. I just haven't backed down like I usually do and take the blame for everything. I refuse to be taken advantage of. I just need her to try to fix her end of things, and not think I'm to blame for it all.
She's refused to see a therapist with me, everything is my fault, and she's done absolutely nothing wrong.
I'll spare all the details, but I don't think it'll work. I've been staying and sleeping at my job for the past three days, and I don't plan on going back. Every night, she'll text me, which seems to be a starting point to reaching out, but it quickly diminishes into a fight, whether it's on the phone or through texting.
I'm unwelcome in my own home.
I miss my baby like crazy (she's 15 months now).
I actually look forward to an official divorce. I'll be able to spend time with my little girl without the wife being there to ruin it. I'll be able to spend time getting to know myself better, as I've never had the opportunity to actually live on my own for more than a month (my parents moved shortly after I finished college, and I kept the apartment I grew up in... within a month, somehow, the woman I eventually married had moved into the apartment... I still don't know how that happened).
All that being said, if she reached out an wanted to try to reconcile, I'd be back in an instant. I don't want my daughter growing up without two parents. I have reached out every day, via phone calls to my wife and attempted to work things out. I just haven't backed down like I usually do and take the blame for everything. I refuse to be taken advantage of. I just need her to try to fix her end of things, and not think I'm to blame for it all.
DumbPaladin
First Post
I'm sorry to hear that your marriage failed, Mr. Frogg. But as the pretty well-rounded product of a single-parent household caused by a divorce, I can say with certainty certain things:
1) Kids, when older, get smart enough to realize when their married parents do nothing but make each other miserable, and in no way does it benefit the kid to know this, nor improve their upbringing.
2) No parent in a divorce is automatically "absent" -- it is their actions that cause this. If you want to stay involved in your child's life, choose to do so. If you're being prevented from doing so, you hire a lawyer ASAP and file as many lawsuits as you have to -- up to and including filing for full or physical custody -- and you make sure that you're there. If you find someone else to settle down with later on, you make sure that doesn't distract from your agenda of spending time with your child.
3) A child with two homes can still be a happy and successful child. A child who hears bad things about Dad from Mom, and doesn't hear bad things about Mom from Dad, eventually comes to resent the badmouther, so make sure you don't ever do this.
My point: Your daughter won't grow up "without two parents" unless either you or your wife decide to pull out and give up entirely.
1) Kids, when older, get smart enough to realize when their married parents do nothing but make each other miserable, and in no way does it benefit the kid to know this, nor improve their upbringing.
2) No parent in a divorce is automatically "absent" -- it is their actions that cause this. If you want to stay involved in your child's life, choose to do so. If you're being prevented from doing so, you hire a lawyer ASAP and file as many lawsuits as you have to -- up to and including filing for full or physical custody -- and you make sure that you're there. If you find someone else to settle down with later on, you make sure that doesn't distract from your agenda of spending time with your child.
3) A child with two homes can still be a happy and successful child. A child who hears bad things about Dad from Mom, and doesn't hear bad things about Mom from Dad, eventually comes to resent the badmouther, so make sure you don't ever do this.
My point: Your daughter won't grow up "without two parents" unless either you or your wife decide to pull out and give up entirely.
I'm so sorry to hear that things aren't working out.
A note for you - in trying to reconcile, text messages and IM are a horrible way to communicate. All nuance of tone and expression is lost. Phone calls are better, but not great. Meeting in a public place (like a busy coffee shop) is better - you get all the nuances, but there's social pressure to keep things from getting to shouting.
As for your child - if patching up isn't an option, that's a matter for a court to decide, I'm afraid. I wish you all the luck available for that.
A note for you - in trying to reconcile, text messages and IM are a horrible way to communicate. All nuance of tone and expression is lost. Phone calls are better, but not great. Meeting in a public place (like a busy coffee shop) is better - you get all the nuances, but there's social pressure to keep things from getting to shouting.
As for your child - if patching up isn't an option, that's a matter for a court to decide, I'm afraid. I wish you all the luck available for that.
krunchyfrogg
Explorer
Thanks
I know you're right here. The problem is that she won't agree to meeting with me, and often won't even pick up the phone. If I ever did get to convince her to meet me, she has no problem escalating a situation and shouting in public, which is just too embarassing for me to handle (read back a few pages to where I left a restaurant and just started walking home). Plus, she has nobody to leave the baby with, so my little girl would be there too.
Well, I'm not abusive to my Wife, so I'm sure it would eventually turn into a weekend or every other weekend thing with me and her, as that's what seems to happen 99% of the time (at least, from what I can tell).
Fast Learner
First Post
It varies by state, but yeah, you'll have automatic visitation rights. In my case it was one weeknight a week and every other weekend, and alternating holidays.
Dire Bare
Legend
Don't assume. Get a lawyer. Now. Even if your wife doesn't become vindictive, an aggressive attorney on her side can screw you quickly and hard. And if she does decide to get vindictive . . .
Get a lawyer. Now. Please!
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