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Confession...It's good for the soul.

Malvoisin

First Post
Eh, let's just do this thing AA style...

My name is Nate and I abandon PbP games.

I'm not a malicious person, nor really an irresponsible person. I think it's just that my interest and enthusiasm burn brightly for a short time, and then I burn out. But I always feel so bad about it (all the while hoping I'll get the fire back) that I inevitably just disappear without explanation. And then after a while, the desire to DM or play (usually DM) wells up again. But in the meantime, I've gone silent, the game has lost its momentum, and sometimes the interest of its players. So, rather than try to get a good thing rolling again, I usually just start over from scratch...often with a different screen identity.

How many of these ring a bell?

Malvoisin
Ye Olde Albatross
Krago o' the Mountain
Krauss von Espy (Heinz the Baron)
Cry Havoc!
Outrigger Jim
Sebastian O
Professor Parsnip
Watermark12
...probably some others, shorter lived, that I can't recall

Yep, they're all me. :heh:

So, why am I posting this here and now? I guess just because it's been my guilty little secret for so long, and I miss being able to interact with the excellent community on these boards. And, as the thread title says, confession is good for the soul.

Also, I wanted to just apologize to the many of you that I've abandoned. Some of you, many times over. But, we've had some good times, haven't we? I know I have. A few highlights come to mind...

I enjoyed running Voadam, Isida, Insight, and JimAde (now Ilium) through the very early part of Maure Castle. I still to this day can't believe how you guys took down that
iron golem
!

Age of Worms, abandoned by me, picked up again by Branding Opportunity (then again by someone else, and perhaps again a fourth time?) I thought that was funny.

Hollow's Last Hope...great party there. Nazhkandrias, Jebbo was priceless.

Some really interesting concepts for Vampires of Waterdeep. Voadam's aranea in particular. I noticed more recently he got placed in another VoW game...that also folded (that one wasn't me though!).

Ryan Nock was so supportive when I tried to start up War of the Burning Sky. That campaign deserves better than I could muster...it's really very cool.

I think I tried to run Shackled City more than any other...five times maybe in total? Dichotomy, I really did like how you played Konstantine. A great bard. And Jdvn1, Dowlee the Favored Soul got abandoned twice. I'm so sorry.

And, my magnum opus, that lasted longer than any other, but still ended far too soon...The Savage Tide. My hat's off to all of you guys, especially those who were there from the start. I lost my heart for it after GwydapLlew disappeared, I loved Chongo so. Even though I tried more recently to cast resurrect, I couldn't get the juices flowing like before. Especial apologies to James Heard for putting in all that time creating Hap, and never getting to post once.

All these games, and so many, many others. Sunless Citadel, assorted Dungeon Crawl Classics, Necromancer adventures, numerous Dungeon magazine adventures. In the end, I couldn't sustain any of them.

When all is said and done, I hope you all will forgive me, even if you don't understand me. I hardly do myself. But, hey, if anyone wants to talk about it (even to chew me out), I'm here.

Thanks for reading, all.
 
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Malvoisin

First Post
I know, Voadam...you deserve perhaps the biggest apology of all, just for that reason. :heh:

Perhaps on the brighter side, you can tell that I think highly of you as a player?
 

CanadienneBacon

First Post
I laughed......

Malvoisin, you rock! :) I have only two screen names here and one of 'em I really have only used for two or three posts, but I'd be lying if I said I haven't been tempted to re-boot different campaigns (City of the Spider Queen, I'm lookin' at you) under different "DM" names. Hats off to you for your honesty.

I always did like Ye Olde Albatross. ;)
 

Isida Kep'Tukari

Adventurer
Supporter
I recall Silence, the cleric in your Maure Castle game, the one who had, logically, taken the Vow of Silence, with great fondness. PbP was such a great medium to play that character, and I had a lot of fun in that game.
 

Malvoisin

First Post
CanadienneBacon said:
I laughed......

Malvoisin, you rock! :) I have only two screen names here and one of 'em I really have only used for two or three posts, but I'd be lying if I said I haven't been tempted to re-boot different campaigns (City of the Spider Queen, I'm lookin' at you) under different "DM" names. Hats off to you for your honesty.

I always did like Ye Olde Albatross. ;)
CB, thanks for your supportive words! I have a tremendous amount of respect for your terrific DMing skill as well.

I think one of my issues is that although I truly do enjoy playing and DMing on these boards, I hold myself to a very high standard in doing so. In order to commit to that high standard, I inevitably have to begin sacrificing some other part of my life in order to make time for PbP. Sooner or later, that always catches up to me, leaving me conflicted and often feeling guilty.

I say all this because I wonder, with your comings and goings, if you don't experience a similar thing.
 

Malvoisin

First Post
Isida Kep'Tukari said:
I recall Silence, the cleric in your Maure Castle game, the one who had, logically, taken the Vow of Silence, with great fondness. PbP was such a great medium to play that character, and I had a lot of fun in that game.
Thanks, Isida. I had a lot of fun DMing Maure as well. I think that may have been the first time I tried to use a scan of a published map as a play aide for the players. I think it worked fairly well, but it was difficult, because the map is so flippin' huge!

Part of the reason I had to bail on that one is that I was over my head in terms of power level. Not the last time that happened, mind you...but I seemed to always do better with lower level games.
 

Creamsteak

First Post
I have no doubt that other people have pulled off a similar "changing of identities" around here, though yours may well be the most extreme.
 

Rhun

First Post
You only abandoned two games that I was in, and you are forgiven...though I am definitely missing Savage Tide. Anar was a favorite PC of mine.

Still, props for having the stones to come on here and admit to the changing screen names! It shows rare character.
 

James Heard

Explorer
One point: Other people might change their names, but I'll never be a "Jim" Heard. ;) For some reason the idea of me as a Jim just sort of summons images of me looking in the mirror with a Burt Reynolds moustache and mutton chops, wearing a big cowboy hat and snarling with a cigarette dangling from my lip. I'm not that guy. :D
 

Scotley

Adventurer
I've been in two of your games as well. It is frustrating. We put a lot of working into characters and it is more than a little annoying to have the game just vanish. I'm glad you've come forward to confess. For future reference, I would prefer to know what happened and why rather than just be waiting for the next post. We all get busy with RL at times. I've very nearly shut down a game I was running on occation when 'the fire died'. I was forturnate enough to get back on track before the players got frustrated and abandoned the game. Anyway, I'm glad you decided to come forward. All is forgiven.
 

Malvoisin

First Post
James Heard said:
One point: Other people might change their names, but I'll never be a "Jim" Heard. ;) For some reason the idea of me as a Jim just sort of summons images of me looking in the mirror with a Burt Reynolds moustache and mutton chops, wearing a big cowboy hat and snarling with a cigarette dangling from my lip. I'm not that guy. :D
Whoops, sorry James, I'm not sure how that happened. I corrected the mistake in the post above.
 

Malvoisin

First Post
Creamsteak said:
I have no doubt that other people have pulled off a similar "changing of identities" around here, though yours may well be the most extreme.
Who knows, perhaps my admission might inspire others to do the same?
 

Malvoisin

First Post
Scotley said:
I've been in two of your games as well. It is frustrating. We put a lot of working into characters and it is more than a little annoying to have the game just vanish. I'm glad you've come forward to confess. For future reference, I would prefer to know what happened and why rather than just be waiting for the next post. We all get busy with RL at times. I've very nearly shut down a game I was running on occation when 'the fire died'. I was forturnate enough to get back on track before the players got frustrated and abandoned the game. Anyway, I'm glad you decided to come forward. All is forgiven.
Scotley, I understand and sympathize with the frustration. I think that part of my motivation for posting this now, is to try and make sure I will never 'disappear' again. If I should ever try to run a game here again (a big IF!...I'm not sure how many of you would even take the chance now), I'll do my best to be more forthright and up-front with the players.

Nonetheless, thank you saying that all is forgiven. That means a lot to me.
 

Scotley

Adventurer
Many of the folks here are addicted. If you build it they will come. Maybe you should try to limit the scope of the next game you attempt? A small adventure with a definite beginning and end. If all goes well, you can let any who are interested carry characters over to the next one you decide to run.
 

James Heard

Explorer
*shrug* I always kind of assume that a few games I sign up for are going to end up being a wash for one reason or another. That includes real life games. Stuff happens, and since it's the internet I don't think anyone owes anyone any explanations either. If the worst disappointment I have in any given day is a game failing to deliver then it's probably a pretty good day.

On the other hand, I don't consider PbP gaming as gaming as much as writing. I'd be doing about the same amount of it anyways, so why not do it with other people?
 

Malvoisin

First Post
Scotley said:
Many of the folks here are addicted. If you build it they will come. Maybe you should try to limit the scope of the next game you attempt? A small adventure with a definite beginning and end. If all goes well, you can let any who are interested carry characters over to the next one you decide to run.
Definitely good advice, sir. I'll take it into consideration if I do ever decide to try and run a game here again. Which I might. :)
 

Malvoisin

First Post
James Heard said:
*shrug* I always kind of assume that a few games I sign up for are going to end up being a wash for one reason or another. That includes real life games. Stuff happens, and since it's the internet I don't think anyone owes anyone any explanations either. If the worst disappointment I have in any given day is a game failing to deliver then it's probably a pretty good day.

On the other hand, I don't consider PbP gaming as gaming as much as writing. I'd be doing about the same amount of it anyways, so why not do it with other people?
Very understanding, very Zen. Good stuff, James (definitely not Jim).

I always liked the social aspects of the experience myself.
 

stonegod

Spawn of Khyber/LEB Judge
Damn you Mal! Damn you to Hell!

:)

I'm a three-fer, but all under the same username. Voadam's got me beat!

I do get frustrated at disappearances as you know; mostly, I just appreciate some warning. But its good to come clean.

See you around.
 

Malvoisin

First Post
stonegod said:
Damn you Mal! Damn you to Hell!

:)

I'm a three-fer, but all under the same username. Voadam's got me beat!

I do get frustrated at disappearances as you know; mostly, I just appreciate some warning. But its good to come clean.

See you around.
Thanks, brah. :)

Mad Col is, was, and always will be one of my faves. And, I have a tremendous respect for your Expedition to Ravenloft campaign. Lots of PC comings and goings, and you've kept right on trucking.

It's good to come clean, indeed.
 

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