Crazy Quotes from my Group....

[Shemeska]

The following are a number of IC quotations from some of the players in my current Planescape game. Most are from one person actually and he does a damn fine job lightening up some moments in the game which has a tendancy to get dark at points. They've made me snarf coffee or diet mountain dew far too many times...

"That would be stupid! ... which is apparently why you're doing it."

"Nothings missing, nothing happened. Except the tiefling caught the clap."

What a jedi at the Gatehouse in Sigil would say: "This is not the apathy you're looking for."

"I speak infernal, so I proceed to mock her!"

"Hey, I've never fallen asleep while running this game!" - me
"That's because you're too busy laughing inside your head." -player

"Damnit! There's violence happening and I'm not part of it! Like a child on Christmas morning I can't go back to sleep!"

"It's not called us all getting killed, its called giving the kobold who's absent a very large financial gain."

"Ok, she's got a 1/3 chance of being affected, and he's got a 2/3 chance of being affected by the destruction spell she cast on him, as he's got some levels of spell turning left active..." - me
"If her player asks... YOU were shadowing her!" - player

"I know someone who needs a Tome of Wisdom +2... in real life!"

"You detect a strong aura of Bulls***!"

In reference to the stuffed, animated Yenoghu doll inside a gift wrapped box : "AHH! It's Schrodinger's fiend!"

"Can I have some skill points in 'wake the hell up!' ?"

"You have head dragons, go see the cleric."

While trying to open a portal keyed to a scream:
"I fake orgasm!" - player 1
"That doesn't open the portal, it doesn't swing that way!" - player2

"I'm kinda allergic to death at this point." - player 1
"Yep, stick around with us and you might catch a bad case of it." - player 2

"From somewhere out of nowhere, he's getting the finger!"

In reference to a Rakshasa attempting to kill the PC's by a few assassination attempts: "By God I'm putting him on a cereal box! Not so GRRREEEEAAAT now is it?!"

"I cast aid on, well, me!"

In reference to Shemeska the Marauder these last 3 gems:

"There's not enough nair EVER!"

"I don't speak crazy B****!"

"Shut up you! Crazy B**** in a razorvine headdress magazine says otherwise!"

 

[Gregor]

In reference to a Rakshasa attempting to kill the PC's by a few assassination attempts: "By God I'm putting him on a cereal box! Not so GRRREEEEAAAT now is it?!"

That was fantastic.....im sure the whole office heard me laughing

 

[Cybern]

In reference to a Rakshasa attempting to kill the PC's by a few assassination attempts: "By God I'm putting him on a cereal box! Not so GRRREEEEAAAT now is it?!"

Mwahahahahaha! If it were not for the fact that almost everyone in my office is out on vacation, they would have heard me too!

 

[Beelzebub]

While trying to open a portal keyed to a scream:
"I fake orgasm!" - player 1
"That doesn't open the portal, it doesn't swing that way!" - player2

good pun

 

[Shemeska]

I found some more....

"The dead kobold shall now go make spanish rice." - player leaving the room with box of rice after his Kobold was incinerated for about, oh, the 5th time.

"We like you! You're physically here! You're not the kobold!"

Speaking of A'kin the Friendly Fiend: "He's quite nice and friendly!... for a godless abomination!"

A'kin the friendly fiend to one of the celestial PC's : "Oh the irony! Be good!"

"Why don't me just rename our inn to Inn We're So Screwed!" - player 1
"How about The Mazed Inn at the rate we're going?" - player 2

"And a real bad case of dead kinda cuts down on the telepathy."

"You're not seriously considering going after Akin the friendly fiend as a romantic interest are you?"
"Well..."
"Yep, I can just see A'kin out at night in the middle of the street under a lamp post singing, "Tonight, tonight... I met my love tonight!..."

"From the Tower..."
"You'll have to do better than that, we've been to like 3 towers in the past month!"

"We're like the IHOP of Sigil!"

When encountering a Dergholoth:
"It's the Linda Blairgholoth!"
"The what?!"
"The spinny head!"
"I run around it to see if the head falls off!"
"I hold up a crucifix to see if it spits pea soup at us!"
"The power of Christ compels you!"

"Those random headwounds... I'll tell you."
"That was meant to be subdual!"

"The arcanaloth seems distinctly disinterested with his job." - me
"Well we can make his life MUCH more interesting!" *cackle* - player

"Don't you love gnomish inventions?" - player 1
"Yep! Until they have a horrible mechanical failure!" *wiggles eyebrows and holds up a d100 and a d10 - me
"Oh CR*P!" - player 1

"He's master of the fine art of getting the f*** out!"

Speaking of Shemeska the Marauder again:
"She's on the morality short bus."

The next three said while describing the Gatetown of Hopeless:

"I take it Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat didn't go over well here?"

"You see two members of the guard of Thingol the Mocking beating a resident of the town for some slight. A beholder watches on..."
"Since when did we go to LA?"

"The houses are uniformly grey, ill tended, and the victims of apathy on the part of their owners, slowly crumbling and in need to repairs in most every aspect. Depression seems to stagnate in the air around you.
"Sounds like NY!"

 

[guedo79]

One from my group, I'm paraphrasing:

"You see the Lady of Pain floating above the crowd. Her shadow seems to cut into there skin as they offer her flowers and trinkets of love." - DM
"I Run." - PC 1
"I'm Hiding on the rooftops." -PC 2
"Does she want to have tea and chat." - PC 3
*Death stare from the DM*

 

[Uller]

Okay...here are the two big ones in my game that keep getting repeated at every opportunity:

"It's only a basement. How bad could it be?" (this was about the last thing the character who uttered it ever said as he was killed in the basement...so now they say it everytime they are trying to decide to go into a subterrainean locale).

"I cast 'Ragna's Sleep' on him." - this can be translated to "I try to knock him out with a solid blow to the head. This came from a couple of PCs who were trying to disable a Commoner2 who was standing guard at a house they wanted to sneak into. The wizard cast sleep and the NPC made his save. So the Ranger, named Ragna, punched him in the face (scored a crit) and knocked him cold.

 

[Shemeska]

I added a couple more gems up above.

 

[Clueless]

Yet more from our group. We have at least one or two of these a session....

"He's mysterious looking and socially defective. GET HIM!" - Torus

"Such pleasant and *generous* people." -Shemeshka the M.
"That'll be 5 jink for the drink." - Tristol

"Moo." - Clueless, to minotaur on his turn

"I'm about to laugh, and I need to use the bathroom. Not a good combination." - kobold player

"Ah! The smell of death!" - Seamuszantazenus (sp?)

"Don't make me stick you in the hat!" - Torus
"I don't fit. I've tried." - Seamus

"... and you take two points of subdual damage as you are successfully crited by a *kidney*." - GM
"And I have another one where that came from!" - Seamus

"For the love of the Foe Hammer, man! ... mephit! whatever!" - Florian
"... you cannot have a shrink wrapped mephit." - GM

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times! Stay dead!" - Seamus

"We could go to the elemental plane of shadow..." - player1
"No. I don't have a light." - Tristol

"*snap* B***h, please!" - Torus, to enemy. Recall, Torus's player is a 6'2", linebacker built, white man.

 

[Toras]

Toras is the 6'11", built like a pro wrestler type. Being the magical spawn of a cleric and Quasar, he looks like what the Elric as a weightlifter rather than a heroin addict. He is also at least partially insane, but in a good way.

And add a few more that I remember.

Look up at the beholder floating over his head in Hopeless. Look up, wave, and say "Hey Mr. Ashcroft."

"Wow, that is one raging case of a**hole. I prescribe one involuntary skeletal adjustment."

"Well if this doesn't work we can play wack-a-loth until she stops comming back."