Hussar
Legend
And, again, we're back to I'm just a bad DM and I play with bad DM 's. If we were just better DM's, then everything would be fine.You don't even need fail forward principles to avoid the problem of the jig being up with one failure. I think it's more of an example of clashing expectations and styles - the DM's being way to focused on the consequences of one failure or adversarial DMing rather than sticking to good storytelling or genre conventions. I won't deny that BitD has much better and more explicit guidance for GMs playing along with the players toward their goals - but the whole idea that you can't do that with D&D (or shouldn't try or whatever unhelpful advice comes along) is ridiculous.
Show me in the rules where it says that a failed stealth check should result in the players being able to leverage player side mechanics to stop the guard from raising the alarm. There isn't. Instead, it's 100% DM fiat. Raising the alarm is no different than the DM deciding not to raise the alarm - it's 100% in the DM's lap to decide.
And that's apparently great rules support.