D&D versus social anxiety disorder (updated 8/20/14)

[Halivar]

Necro'd and updated 8/20/14: http://www.enworld.org/forum/showth...ety-disorder&p=6365082&viewfull=1#post6365082

I'm not big for serious topics, but I really feel like I need help/advice here.

I've got a campaign going with several D&D veterans and a brand new player. We've been playing for about 7-8 sessions now, and I run a roleplay-heavy game. I had the players make up backstories together, but the newbie didn't want to write one. I took her aside and coached her through the backstory creation process. By herself, she had no problem coming up with a cool and creative character. The character was so cool I ended up tying her backstory into the campaign narrative.

At the table, she does not talk, except in combat ("I go here, I hit this guy, I rolled a 17"). She is not bored, however; she gives whoever is speaking rapt attention. Another DM friend suggested I try "putting her on the spot" by placing her in a situation where she, on her own, has to make a decision and roleplay it out. The results were awkward. She didn't want to do it. Eventually, she told me just to move on to another character and forget it. To me, this is the sure sign that the player simply doesn't want to roleplay. I'm acutally kind of used to that; I adjust my expectations accordingly.

Later, when I had her alone, I asked her what her favorite part of the game was. I expected her to say combat, because that's the only time she interacts with the other players. So, I was pretty astonished when she said it was the roleplay and the story that she liked the most. She talked about her character, and the suspense over her character's mysterious ties to the campaign story. I didn't understand, so I asked her why she never roleplays, or ever tries to contribute to the narrative.

She told me she struggles with social anxiety disorder, and one of the side effects is that she cannot bring herself to roleplay out of fear of embarrassment. Mind you, in our group we go all-out, goofy, thespian, with cheesey accents and everything. On occasions where I force her to make decisions, she shuts down simply to prevent a panic attack.

Now, I would be content to let her play her way, and not force her into uncomfortable situations, but for this: she tells me the actively wants to roleplay. She has the overwhelming urge to participate, act in character, and do wild and crazy in-character stuff like the other players. She simply can't. The fear of judgement and humiliation is a complete brick wall. Period. It doesn't matter how "understanding" people are, because the phobia is completely internalized. Furthermore, it is her hope (expressed to me) that participating in D&D will help her overcome her social anxiety disorder (NO PRESSURE!!!). I'm skeptical that any RPG could do that.

I want to run a good game, have everyone have fun, and have everyone participate to the level that they desire. Unfortunately, I don't know that I can achieve all (or any) of these goals.

Does anyone have experience gaming with folks (or are you, yourself, a gamer) with social anxiety disorder? What can I do to help her come out of her shell and enjoy the game to the fullest extent she wants to?

 

[TerraDave]

This may be an issue for a trained profesional that probably goes well beyond your group.

I am so not an expert on this, its crazy, but I will ask: when you talk one on one, does she seem normal? Have you seen her speak in other groups outside the game. If yes to both, then, maybe it is game specific, and the problem is her putting to much pressure on herself. Then, you just have to somehow get her to take it less seriously, and try less hard.

If that is all it is.

 

[racoffin]

I'd suggest trying a few solo sessions with just the two of you, to see if you can get her used to opening up and participating more. It will likely take a great deal of patience on both your parts.

Other than that, she seems to be enjoying herself and is as involved as she can be. I wish all of you the best of luck.

 

[RabidBob]

I want to run a good game, have everyone have fun, and have everyone participate to the level that they desire. Unfortunately, I don't know that I can achieve all (or any) of these goals.

Does anyone have experience gaming with folks (or are you, yourself, a gamer) with social anxiety disorder? What can I do to help her come out of her shell and enjoy the game to the fullest extent she wants to?

Well speaking for myself D&D/RPGing in general helped me overcome some pretty bad stuff as I was growing up. I credit RPGs in general with giving me enough social ability to be able to deal with the world at large; most people think I'm pretty well adjusted these days ... except maybe my girlfriend.

All that said - you are a DM, not a counselor, and it's not fair for you to have a responsibility like that thrust upon you especially as you are there as much for your own entertainment as your players. The best advice I can offer is to just roll with things and not get too heavy about anything and don't put her in the spotlight unless she wants it; the opportunity is there for her to take it if she wants to and is able to. In my experience most people eventually reach out for something they desire in the long run. Leave the psychotherapy to the psychotherapists and just make sure that the game is fun.

 

[Mustrum_Ridcully]

Very difficult, I suppose, and a professional therapist might be able to help you more.

One thing might be:
Even if she is not actively role-playing, you can make her character feel interesting. Let the other players find out stuff about her mysteries. This way, she doesn't need to interact with the others strongly, but she sees how her character changes things.

A solo game might also be an attempt to feel her a little less insecure - though on the other hand, talking 1:1 with the DM and no one to "relieve her from her duties" might be pretty intimidating.

Tell her that she should signal you when she feels too intimidated to continue, and try from time to time to get her back into the talk. Just ensure that such scenes are short and provide an easy way out. (You want to make sure it doesn't break the flow of the game too much, and she might feel safer if she knows that a single word or action of her PC can end the scene - even if not entirely beneficial to the party, it won't become a game-breaker).
Maybe a little harmless role-playing stuff? Like talking to a merchant. I she follows the talk long enough, there might be some benefit - a helpful information from the merchant, she gets a cheaper item, or something like that. Nothing game-breaking, but a small reward.

 

[Shroomy]

What RabidBob said...I have social anxiety disorder (and some other stuff) and see a therapist, and I have to say it would probably be the best solution for her, but unless you are really close to your player, you're probably not the one to suggest she see one (if she isn't doing so already).

That said, for a lot of people with various anxiety disorders, the more exposure to a particular source of anxiety, the more their body acclimates to the stress. If she keeps enjoying herself, over time, she may find herself becoming more comfortable and may want to participate more often (admitting that she has an anxiety disorder is generally a big step for someone who is suffering from one, given their fear of embarrassment). It will definitely take her more time than what you would normally expect from even a shy person, so don't push her. Keep her invested in the game (which is what you seem to be doing), but don't put her on the spot until she's comfortable doing so. Even though it doesn't quite mesh with your group's preferred style, maybe a more third person approach to roleplaying would work better for her in the long run (its what I do).

I hope it works out well for you and her, she seems like a good player.

 

[Kid Charlemagne]

I think that over time, as she gets more comfortable with the people in the group, she'll open up to the point where she can do more roleplaying. It sounds like she knows what's going on in her head, and she's got a plan to fix it, so it should work.

In your position, I'd try to give her very short, reactive bits of roleplaying opportunities - not ones where she has to stop and think about, but things where she can react almost before she remembers to be nervous. An enemy makes quip during combat, and leaves himself open for some witty repartee - which she can provide, or just jump right to the dice-rolling.

As long as her reticence isn't adversely affecting the game, I don't see a problem, and I don't see a need to make more of it than that - she's probably (hopefully) getting some professional help, and this is just one component of her attempts to resolve the issue.

 

[Merkuri]

You know, I had similar problems to your new player when I was growing up. Not as severe as her, but I know the feeling when you want to say something but you don't say it for fear of looking stupid.

The more comfortable I got with a group of people, the less fear of "looking stupid" I had. It's possible she just needs more time to warm up to your group. It's also possible that you're the wrong group for her. She might need a more serious, quiet group to start with if she really wants D&D to help her. Personally, I found that the louder the people were that I was with the more I'd withdraw, being almost intimidated by their personalities. I'm not saying you should get your group to change for her, just that maybe she picked the wrong group.

That being said, like others have stated you're not a psychiatrist. I would just continue on as you are and accept that she enjoys the game even though she doesn't give much input to it. Try not to put her on the spot, but give her opportunities when you can so that if she wants to jump in she can. Maybe ask her "yes" or "no" questions every once and a while to encourage her to participate without much effort on her part. When she's ready you'll know, but until then just keep going on with your game as you've been doing.

 

[Spatula]

Another DM friend suggested I try "putting her on the spot"

I don't know why this is always the first response to a quiet, unassertive player. I do know that I've never seen it work. It's like dumping a 400 lb barbell on an out-of-shape person and expecting them to work out with it.

I doubt that D&D will "solve" her anxiety issues. She will probably be able to open up when she becomes comfortable enough around the other group members to not fear their reactions. So, if you want to integrate her into the game more, encourage the group to spend more time together outside of the game. That won't fix anything in her outside life, but that's not your job.

 

[Umbran]

Does anyone have experience gaming with folks (or are you, yourself, a gamer) with social anxiety disorder? What can I do to help her come out of her shell and enjoy the game to the fullest extent she wants to?

I have some experience with such players.

How much you can do depends very much on the source of her problem. If it is physiological, there may be little you can do. If it is a learned behavior, there can be a lot you can do to help.

First point - as you've probably already guessed, forcing the issue too much doesn't help. It tends to drive an anxious person more deeply into their anxiety.

Second point - the rest of the group kind of has to be on board and understanding. Many folk who don't understand social anxiety can interpret it as "being a drama queen" or "just looking for attention", and that's exactly the sort of thing she's going to fear. If the group can be understanding, you've got a chance to make a go of it. If people are going to trivialize it, or dismiss it, then there's gong to be rough spots.

If your group is the sort that jokes around by insulting each other, it must be made clear that this is probably inappropriate with her. I only know a couple of people who can make it abundantly clear that they mock because they like you, most folks come off as mean to someone with anxiety.

In general, the better she knows the rest of the players, the less impact anxiety will have. If you can afford the time, having smaller side sessions with her and one or two other players can help, as it is often easier to face an individual than a group.

Idea - the use of notes. Allow her to occasionally pass you some of her actions as notes, rather than speaking them in front of the group. A bit slow, but she can probably jot notes while others are describing her own actions.