I'd suggest either a solo game (especially if you're friends with her) or else a game with one other player, a friend who she trusts completely and is completely comfortable with. A solo game can put a lot of pressure on a player, they're always 'on'. With two players they can be more relaxed.
D&D versus social anxiety disorder (updated 8/20/14)
I'd suggest either a solo game (especially if you're friends with her) or else a game with one other player, a friend who she trusts completely and is completely comfortable with. A solo game can put a lot of pressure on a player, they're always 'on'. With two players they can be more relaxed.
Charwoman Gene
Adventurer
Hey. Huge social anxiety sufferer here.
It's not "diagnosed" per se, but have been in therapy. It's a weird thing. It nearly prevented me from playing D&D in the first place.
In terms of how to deal with a player? I'd say the best advice is to let them warm up on their own. Anxiety disorders are almost always changeable by training. Drugs can help, but the person needs coping strategies. The "pulling in" idea is brilliant and a good idea for casual players too.
I'm not sure why I have tremendous anxiety in odd situations now. DMing face tio face? I'm fine. Heck, I've translated than into Emceeing and teaching without anxiety. I had to cancel a VOIP game cause I couldn't speak... I pretendted my mic was broken.
It's not "diagnosed" per se, but have been in therapy. It's a weird thing. It nearly prevented me from playing D&D in the first place.
In terms of how to deal with a player? I'd say the best advice is to let them warm up on their own. Anxiety disorders are almost always changeable by training. Drugs can help, but the person needs coping strategies. The "pulling in" idea is brilliant and a good idea for casual players too.
I'm not sure why I have tremendous anxiety in odd situations now. DMing face tio face? I'm fine. Heck, I've translated than into Emceeing and teaching without anxiety. I had to cancel a VOIP game cause I couldn't speak... I pretendted my mic was broken.
I think I have social anxiety disorder... or maybe aspergers. I was never officially diagnosed with anything due to my family's view of therapy/psychiatry. I won't go into it as religion is a no-no subject here, but I've found even as an adult I'm reluctant to see anyone about it. Nature of the beast I guess.
I've always thought it so odd that such a social hobby has become so hugely popular among a selection of social cliques which are prone to social disorders. I do credit gaming with helping me adjust some socially, as well as keeping me off of the streets and headed to an early grave or jail (like so many of the kids from my neighborhood).
To the OP. Don't push too hard. The fact that she sees it as potential therapy is on her, not you. She'll take the steps to move forward as she is comfortable to do so. You don't have to really do anything other than run games for her and give her the level of interaction she is indicating she is ready for. The key is to let her know she is in an environment without judgment. She needs to form friendships with some or all of the other players. The feeling of impending embarrassment is lessened around friends and family (in my experience.)
Note passing is a great idea, to start. Although she shouldn't let herself rely on them too much or she'll never get past them. Blue booking would also be cool. Let her, and other players if they like, journal some in character stuff. That's cool for you too as they'll give you direction as to what is and is not working in your campaign. Get her permission to read excerpts from the journals at the table. Let her know when her ideas are good. Your not really treating her different. Your just making sure you do the things a good DM should be doing, but often forget to do.
I wish both of you the best of luck.
I've always thought it so odd that such a social hobby has become so hugely popular among a selection of social cliques which are prone to social disorders. I do credit gaming with helping me adjust some socially, as well as keeping me off of the streets and headed to an early grave or jail (like so many of the kids from my neighborhood).
To the OP. Don't push too hard. The fact that she sees it as potential therapy is on her, not you. She'll take the steps to move forward as she is comfortable to do so. You don't have to really do anything other than run games for her and give her the level of interaction she is indicating she is ready for. The key is to let her know she is in an environment without judgment. She needs to form friendships with some or all of the other players. The feeling of impending embarrassment is lessened around friends and family (in my experience.)
Note passing is a great idea, to start. Although she shouldn't let herself rely on them too much or she'll never get past them. Blue booking would also be cool. Let her, and other players if they like, journal some in character stuff. That's cool for you too as they'll give you direction as to what is and is not working in your campaign. Get her permission to read excerpts from the journals at the table. Let her know when her ideas are good. Your not really treating her different. Your just making sure you do the things a good DM should be doing, but often forget to do.
I wish both of you the best of luck.
Fallen Seraph
First Post
I would consider myself a minor-case (never diagnosed or anything) but yeah, in general becoming more relaxed and feeling comfortable with the group will help a lot. Perhaps have the group do things outside of D&D as well, go to movies, play some video-games, etc. Take her out of the element in-which she wants to be more expressive but is having difficulty and let her naturally become more expressive by essentially not putting her on the spot.
When the time comes and she feels comfortable to be expressive in D&D, it will help, but there needs to be a foundation first.
When the time comes and she feels comfortable to be expressive in D&D, it will help, but there needs to be a foundation first.
knightofround
First Post
Yeah I would say that as long as she's enjoying herself and isn't negatively affecting the game, to simply let things take their course. From your discussion with her it doesn't seem like her problem is with the game, its just that she's not comfortable with the people yet. If you guys really want to play counselor, one thing you guys could try is getting to know each other outside of the D&D environment.
But yeah D&D/theatre can be a great form of therapy, as long as the push to perform isn't too heavy.
But yeah D&D/theatre can be a great form of therapy, as long as the push to perform isn't too heavy.
Epidiah Ravachol
First Post
You might want to try Breaking the Ice or Shooting the Moon, both of which can be played with two players and are specifically designed to help people get over some of these issues.
Another avenue, which may turn out to be disastrous, would be to try a slightly more competitive storytelling game, such as Once Upon a Time. I had a player who exhibited a bit of social anxiety in a normal RPG setting, but blossomed in the competitive atmosphere of Once Upon a Time. But his situation does not seem as extreme as the one you describe.
Halivar
First Post
Update 8/20/14
Wow, has it really been 6 years since I posted this?
I'd like to thank EnWorld, and especially the posters in the thread, only a handful of whom do I still see posting on a frequent basis. The advice I got from this thread not only helped me avoid some serious pitfalls, but set me on a track to help and heal someone who has become very important to me.
First off, let me say that D&D is an amazing game, and it can do amazing things. In 6 years of gaming with her (the subject of the OP) and following this thread's advice, she has gone from the shy, anxious, quiet newbie to a confident, enthusiastic, take-charge gamer, and nominal captain of the group. And her transformation goes beyond gaming; she hosts dinner parties, and has become the beating heart of our social circle. Last month she was a bridesmaid in front of 100 people and she did great (even if she was having a silent panic attack!).
Two years ago, she took up DM'ing, and let me tell you; she is an amazing DM. Her stories are engaging and creative, and she is fantastic at roleplaying, and she loves it. Now, I would say she still has a problem with wanting to please the players, but she disagrees!
I posted this to say that this situation has taught me that while we can't always bear the burdens of others, we can always share them. Patience and understanding and can overcome just about anything, I think. I decided those six years ago after reading the advice in this thread that I was going do whatever it takes, and I spent a lot of my free hours counseling and listening, and most of all being sensitive to her needs and planning around them.
Anyway, I am super proud of this girl who has become one of the best friends I ever had and what she's accomplished in the face of her fears, and I am super confident that when we exchange marriage vows in a few short weeks, she will be brave in front of that crowd of people!
Thanks, D&D! And thank you, EnWorld!
Wow, has it really been 6 years since I posted this?
I'd like to thank EnWorld, and especially the posters in the thread, only a handful of whom do I still see posting on a frequent basis. The advice I got from this thread not only helped me avoid some serious pitfalls, but set me on a track to help and heal someone who has become very important to me.
First off, let me say that D&D is an amazing game, and it can do amazing things. In 6 years of gaming with her (the subject of the OP) and following this thread's advice, she has gone from the shy, anxious, quiet newbie to a confident, enthusiastic, take-charge gamer, and nominal captain of the group. And her transformation goes beyond gaming; she hosts dinner parties, and has become the beating heart of our social circle. Last month she was a bridesmaid in front of 100 people and she did great (even if she was having a silent panic attack!).
Two years ago, she took up DM'ing, and let me tell you; she is an amazing DM. Her stories are engaging and creative, and she is fantastic at roleplaying, and she loves it. Now, I would say she still has a problem with wanting to please the players, but she disagrees!
I posted this to say that this situation has taught me that while we can't always bear the burdens of others, we can always share them. Patience and understanding and can overcome just about anything, I think. I decided those six years ago after reading the advice in this thread that I was going do whatever it takes, and I spent a lot of my free hours counseling and listening, and most of all being sensitive to her needs and planning around them.
Anyway, I am super proud of this girl who has become one of the best friends I ever had and what she's accomplished in the face of her fears, and I am super confident that when we exchange marriage vows in a few short weeks, she will be brave in front of that crowd of people!
Thanks, D&D! And thank you, EnWorld!
Wow, has it really been 6 years since I posted this?
I'd like to thank EnWorld, and especially the posters in the thread, only a handful of whom do I still see posting on a frequent basis. The advice I got from this thread not only helped me avoid some serious pitfalls, but set me on a track to help and heal someone who has become very important to me.
First off, let me say that D&D is an amazing game, and it can do amazing things. In 6 years of gaming with her (the subject of the OP) and following this thread's advice, she has gone from the shy, anxious, quiet newbie to a confident, enthusiastic, take-charge gamer, and nominal captain of the group. And her transformation goes beyond gaming; she hosts dinner parties, and has become the beating heart of our social circle. Last month she was a bridesmaid in front of 100 people and she did great (even if she was having a silent panic attack!).
Two years ago, she took up DM'ing, and let me tell you; she is an amazing DM. Her stories are engaging and creative, and she is fantastic at roleplaying, and she loves it. Now, I would say she still has a problem with wanting to please the players, but she disagrees!
I posted this to say that this situation has taught me that while we can't always bear the burdens of others, we can always share them. Patience and understanding and can overcome just about anything, I think. I decided those six years ago after reading the advice in this thread that I was going do whatever it takes, and I spent a lot of my free hours counseling and listening, and most of all being sensitive to her needs and planning around them.
Anyway, I am super proud of this girl who has become one of the best friends I ever had and what she's accomplished in the face of her fears, and I am super confident that when we exchange marriage vows in a few short weeks, she will be brave in front of that crowd of people!
Thanks, D&D! And thank you, EnWorld!
An excellent outcome to this situation. Congrats.
Skanderbeg
First Post
Geez I got something in my eye. It's dust or something I swear.
Seriously though I did get misty. That's a really amazing story and I am glad roleplaying was able to help her and congratulations on getting married!
Now if you will excuse me I need to find a tissue…for the dust in my eye…or maybe it's a feather...
Seriously though I did get misty. That's a really amazing story and I am glad roleplaying was able to help her and congratulations on getting married!
Now if you will excuse me I need to find a tissue…for the dust in my eye…or maybe it's a feather...
