D&D 5E DMs, what are the most baffling and/or pointless questions your players ask?

[Wednesday Boy]

"What are we doing here (in the dungeon, in town, in the woods, on a ship, etc)?"

I actually want to run "To Slay a Dragon" from ENPublishing just to point to the title every time that question is asked.

"Don't make me tap the cover."

 

[TwoSix]

"Was last night just a one time thing, or is this really going somewhere?"

It's like, come on, I'm trying to DM here...can you see I'm a little busy with important stuff?

 

[Gardens & Goblins]

It's less the question and more the assumptions.

''What do you mean attempting to temporary blind the cyclops before it wakes might impair our attempts at winning its friendship? It won't know who blinded it and it can't attack us if it can't see.''

There is 'a' logic there.

 

[machineelf]

Here's one:

The party encounters a door.
Player: "What sort of door-handle is it?"

I have been asked this question at least 10 times in the past year, and I have no idea why. It never seems to make the slightest difference in what they do.

Next time, I think I'll say, "an octopus," and see what happens.

Usually when I get asked this question it is because they want to peer through the keyhole to see what's on the other side. I explain that that's not how keyholes really work in the real world, at least not in my world, and they usually get the idea and don't ask again.

 

[Creamsteak]

The one that immediately comes to mind is a player who "brought his fetishes to the table." I only played with him once. He was the boyfriend of someone else playing. He had played D&D before, but in what I generally think are not my kind of group. We were actually playing Dread, an adventure I set in the Roanoke colony. He kept asking, "can I tie them up" or various sorts of other things that came across as straight up bdsm fantasy fiction ideas. Now, my general policy for this kind of game and with a group I'm not too familiar with is to take that sort of hand-wave "yes - and" approach. So in reality, none of his topics didn't do anything to the game. He'd ask, I'd say... "um... okay" and just immediately move on to the next thing. So it was both baffling, and in terms of what it meant for the game pointless. And he at the time said it was the best game ever, which I found hilarious. So lost in his own head, and he never looked at how the rest of the table thought about his particular line of inquiries.

 

[SheWantstheD&D]

I still remember him saying that to “truly understand him” I had to understand the Dark Souls gaming series… I wish I was joking about this guy, I truly, truly do.

Well now I hate him and I've never even met him. I bet he's seen every top 10 of top 10 of top 10 list videos Vaati's ever made.

 

[SheWantstheD&D]

It's less the question and more the assumptions.

''What do you mean attempting to temporary blind the cyclops before it wakes might impair our attempts at winning its friendship? It won't know who blinded it and it can't attack us if it can't see.''

There is 'a' logic there.

Hey it sort of worked for Odysseus, right?

 

[thethain]

Hey it sort of worked for Odysseus, right?

Surely if the DM wont let us relive the classics we need a new dm.

 

[On Puget Sound]

It's less the question and more the assumptions.

''What do you mean attempting to temporary blind the cyclops before it wakes might impair our attempts at winning its friendship? It won't know who blinded it and it can't attack us if it can't see.''

There is 'a' logic there.

This is more or less how Odysseus did it.

 

[nswanson27]

I wasn't the DM, but I was at a con where the assassin asked if he had surprise at the beginning of every single fight - never stealthed once.