This seems like a regional thing to me. I spent five years in southern California as a kid and ethnic ancestry didn't seem to come up as much…
I take your word on your experience as a child. I grew up near San Francisco, and fellow children occasionally asked me, in a friendly tone, if I had mixed ancestry. The only one with an explicitly expressed negative reaction was an adult. (I have genes from Asia, but via the Trans-Bering Migration, and they first mixed with European genes in the New England colonies in the 1700s. More phenotypically prominent in my face as a child, than as an adult.)
That said, in California during the 1941 Internment, “is your ancestry Chinese or Japanese” determined which native-born USA citizens were detained in camps, and often lost their homes and farms to white take-overs. Which leads me to another of your points…
…across racial lines it would be a lot more touchy.
I’m glad to hear you recognize that factor. I’m white, so if I’m the one pressing the question, then that echoes the history of white people, in authority roles, with badges and guns, demanding answers from people with Asian features, and imposing consequences.
Anyways, yes, you get to disagree, you get to see the world as round when everyone else sees it as flat, or vice versa. That said… if you ever find yourself reading “Lord of the Rings” to a group of children at a library… and you reach the passage about the sallow-skinned, slant-eyed guy looking like a half-breed with goblin ancestry… and if any of the children are sallow-skinned and slant-eyed, or any of their parents might be, or any of their friends might be… then please, please handle that passage with more care than JRRT did.
It doesn’t have to be a reference to a specific race, to do harm. Even if the child got the slanted eyes from a Finnish grandmother, hearing “hey, you look like a goblin!” from the other kids on the playground afterwards is STILL gonna hurt. And no, that’s not particularly YOUR fault; but you can prevent it, so please do.
Is that a reasonable request? Well, it’s a set-up: now I’m gonna ask you to practice the same level of caution, the same recognition that something that isn’t YOUR fault, could still be something you can handle in a way which does more harm or less harm. If someone who looks like DannyAlcatraz sits at your table, and chooses to play a half-orc, please don’t push him (or her or them) to play up the savage, hot-tempered, and intensely physical aspects of half-orcs. Because, *not your fault*, he’s been stereotyped that way, since he was a child, *not by you*, and maybe he’s using D&D to play against stereotype. (Maybe without even realizing that consciously. Respect it anyways.)
This is a request. Insofar as I’m setting a standard, you’re free to disregard that standard. I’m not the Gaming Police showing up at your door with a warrant. (Nor will Gary Gygax show up to enforce his rulings about dwarven women and facial hair, no matter how strongly he expressed opinions on that one, back in the 1980s.) If you attend a TRPG convention, then yeah, the convention might have expectations - that’s up to whoever plans the convention. The convention planners might even be influenced by this very conversation on En World. But your table is yours; I have no power there. Not even if I expressed the request in more academic language. (Which I could, but that seems less likely to go over well with you.)