Even before you begin play proper, you have fundamentally violated the principle that the ONLY experiences one may have are those that map to real life.
Here's the problem: HAD vs. HAVE. The backstory, building your PC before you play, etc. is the HAD. You as a player get to decide most, if not all, of that. There are certainly games out there with random PC generation in more aspects (race, background, ability scores, even class) but since people generally want to play some concept they have in mind, these aren't as popular and usually just for a lark or something.
Obviously were are talking fantasy here, so I expect many experiences in the game that aren't mapped to real life, but by keeping all those that
can be mapped to real life as close as possible, it allows me to feel more like I am in the game.
When you begin play, it is the HAVE, your HAD time is over for the most part. Now your choices have consequences you have no control over. And shouldn't IMO. This is where the dice come in...
As long as the dice (combat rolls) indicate you continue to live, you get to make choices on what your PC does in their life. You don't get to decide if you get hit or not, what damage you take, if you make or fail a saving throw, etc. all the time. PCs can use features to hedge their bets, of course, but when it comes to death saves you are entirely in the hands of Fate.
I don't understand the relevance of this statement to what I was saying, so I cannot meaningfully respond to it.
The relevance is in the HAVE. You make many choices in the game (just like IRL), and those choices have consequences dictated by the whims of chance--i.e. the dice rolls:
When do you act in combat? Initiative roll.
Do you get hit? Attack roll.
How bad is the hit? Damage roll.
Are you poisoned? Saving throw.
Do you successfully climb the cliff? Ability check.
IRL if I go to climb a cliff, I don't just "get to decide" that I climb the cliff. I have to actually try it. My skill, the conditions, etc. are all factors that will go into whether or not I climb it in the end. I might get to tired, I might get injured, etc. and have to climb back down. I might even fall!!!
In RPGs, this is where the dice come in. The dice determine the outcome most of the time--and easily could be
ALL of the time. Certainly factors such as skill, features in the game, etc. can
impact the results and we have the choice in those to a point, but that is as far as it goes.
When it comes to death saves, your PC is unconscious. No skill, very few features (if any???), etc. can help you. You are entirely subjected to the whims of Fate. This is how it should be IMO. It is the one certainty IRL we have no control over (despite how much we like to think we do) and so should be the one certainty in an RPG that has the same impact. There is no "will to live" involved that
the player gets to decide nor should there be IMO.
It is the risk you take every time you enter combat or expose yourself to harm or danger. Allow it to become "player's choice" and frankly speaking you just removed all the fun from the game. No real risk, no real chance of ultimate failure because you know what--you cannot die. That would NEVER work for me.
I...don't see how. People don't want to file taxes. People don't want, as I noted, meaningless deaths that dead-end all of the things the deceased cared about. They don't want to deal with reams of bureaucracy and hours and hours spent doing menial tasks while Nothing Much Happens, even though every single one of these things is and has been part of human life for more than two thousand years, and most of them have been part of human life for as long as there have been settled humans.
The vast majority of things that actually look like "real life" aren't on the table. So...what exactly do you think is left of real life, once we've replaced all the depressing and pointless and grating parts with fantastic elements? Because I'm pretty sure the only things that are left are, as I said, the ones compatible with drama.
It depends greatly on the group. Some players
love tracking every oz. their PC is carrying. What supplies to they have left, what ammo? Paying taxes on treasure gained when you return to the king? What? You DON'T think the king will want his share? LOL!!!
AD&D had regular checks just to see if your PC became ill or caught a disease. Some groups used these rules (like mine) while others don't.
The same is true in 5E. Some groups like the "survival" aspect of the game, tracking food, water, and ammo. Others handwave it away and don't worry about it.
And the game gives me basically no tools for achieving that. All the guidelines are so absurdly undertuned, that following them gets us just pointless boring slog with no challenge.
As I posted, I use the guidelines to great success and have done so for the near six years I've been playing 5E. The issue is more the guideliens don't fit
your style of play, which makes them useless to you, and maybe in the new DMG they will address the more 4E style of play option and present guidelines for that.
Of course, deciding that your PC doesn't die might well be seen as a move in the realm of PC building . . .
And outside the use of dice, sure. During downtime, the game doesn't have dice to determine if your PC was hit by a cart and run over and died, etc.
But once dice are involved--all bets are off. Your "choice" ended when you decided to bring the dice into the picture (for the most part anyway... you can often choose to remove yourself from that situtation, but you often can't).
Because there are several people in this very thread who do want that and who do see it as GMs vs players.
GM vs. players? Really? Who? Even the most "aggresive DM" on these boards has never stated anything like that IME.