Barendd Nobeard
Explorer
Today, I took my kids to see The Wizard of Oz at the movie theatre. As the movie started, a few thoughts hit me. First, was the movie greatly anticipated (like LotR two years ago)? It was a much loved fantasy book, made into a big budget movie. Second, what if the internet had been around when tWoO was released? What would a "purist" who loved the book had thought?
So, tonight, I present to you:
EN World Alternate History Theatre: The Wizard of Oz Discussed on the 1939 Internet
(You can read the original novel first, if you like.)
posted by Max Schreck on 30 June 1939 at 18:42:22 pm PDT
I saw a special advance screening of "The Wizard of Oz" last night. I love this book, and couldn't wait for the movie. It was memorable, all right, but for all the wrong reasons.
*spoilers*
The farmhouse – it's supposed to be a hovel. A one-room hovel. This place has rooms, and I wouldn't be surprised if the cleaning woman came by every Thursday.
Aunt Em and Uncle Henry – They're supposed to be bitter, old people. From the book: "She was thin and gaunt, and never smiled now" and "Uncle Henry never laughed." But not in the movie. Uncle Henry just yucks it up with the old chick on the bicycle.
Old chick on bicycle—where the hell did she come from? Never heard of her before. Aunt Em does get in a great line while telling her off. Yes, Aunt Em apparently likes to yell at people. Nice.
Dorothy—too old, not blond, and she sings. Yes, folks, it's a musical. Next stop, Broadway—NOT!
Glinda's Kiss—no, that's not a typo. The witch of the North is named Glinda. No "little old woman" here, as in the book. No, now she's some dippy beauty pageant reject. And she does kiss Dorothy on the forehead, but that provides no protection (or if it does, it's not explained—only those who read the book would know this).
Ruby Slippers – WTF??!?!?!?!! No, not another typo. They're not silver. Hello, did anyone working on this picture even read the book?!! It's like filming the Bible and deciding, well, Eve didn't really eat the apple!!!
Tin Man—well, he is a man made out of tin. That's right—he was made out of tin, from the beginning. No cursed axe, chopping off his body parts one at a time. And he's now the "Tin Man" because apparently "Tin Woodman" was too confusing for the studio execs. And now, he just wants a heart. No special reason. Un-freaking-believable. Uh, character motivation, anyone?
The Cowardly Lion—At first, I had high hopes. He starts out on all fours—just like a lion! My heart sank, as he jumped, landed on two legs, and proceeded to walk like a man for the rest of the movie. Oh, and the actor who played him? Some unknown Vaudevillian! I kid you not—not very lion-like at all. Great costume and make-up are wasted in this garbage dump of a movie.
Kalidahs—not in this Oz.
Which is really too bad, because it would have been a KICK-ASS scene on screen.
Poppy field—OK, this one I'll concede to the film-makers. The witch makes the poppies appear (which is a cool idea), and there's even a decent solution (which I won't spoil here). The fix nicely avoids the field mice, which could not have been done with today's special effects.
Emerald City—At least it's green. But no one wears glasses. That's right, you heard me. No glasses. Again, did anyone involved in this movie actually read the book? And understand it.
The Wizard—or should I say, the lack thereof! Where is the beautiful lady? Where is the ball of fire? The terrible beast? All gone! Just the big head (which is cool—a true marvel of modern special effects—but that doesn't make up for the loss of the "other" wizards). Oh, and they ALL meet Oz TOGETHER! Hello??!! Film-makers, did you mean to ruin the symbolism in the book, or are you just stupid?
Journey to the West—No wolves, no crows. No bees (at least on screen), but the witch does mention sending some "insects" ahead to take the fight out of them. Sigh.
The winged monkeys—Yes! They are there, and they are AWESOME. No Golden Cap, but you can't have everything.
Killing Dorothy—OK, the witch tells the monkeys to kill Dorothy. But they can't, because the kiss from the Witch of the North protects her. But wait! The kiss is nothing special in this version, so why don't the monkeys kill Dorothy? Because the witch WANTS HER ALIVE! Of course, ten minutes later she wants Dorothy dead.
I could go on, but why bother? I'm so upset, it's taken me hours to write this post. I've had to re-type most of it several times, since tremors of rage screw up my typing. It's all I can do to stop myself from screaming in agony from the TRAVESTY I just saw. I only hope that, one day, I can get those god-awful songs out of my head. "Ding dong the witch is dead"--who writes this drivel?
No one will ever remember this turkey!!!
Thus concludes the world premier of EN World Alternate History Theatre. I hope you've enjoyed The Wizard of Oz Discussed on the 1939 Internet. Please feel free to create a 1939 internet persona and continue the debate.
So, tonight, I present to you:
EN World Alternate History Theatre: The Wizard of Oz Discussed on the 1939 Internet
(You can read the original novel first, if you like.)
posted by Max Schreck on 30 June 1939 at 18:42:22 pm PDT
I saw a special advance screening of "The Wizard of Oz" last night. I love this book, and couldn't wait for the movie. It was memorable, all right, but for all the wrong reasons.
*spoilers*
The farmhouse – it's supposed to be a hovel. A one-room hovel. This place has rooms, and I wouldn't be surprised if the cleaning woman came by every Thursday.
Aunt Em and Uncle Henry – They're supposed to be bitter, old people. From the book: "She was thin and gaunt, and never smiled now" and "Uncle Henry never laughed." But not in the movie. Uncle Henry just yucks it up with the old chick on the bicycle.
Old chick on bicycle—where the hell did she come from? Never heard of her before. Aunt Em does get in a great line while telling her off. Yes, Aunt Em apparently likes to yell at people. Nice.
Dorothy—too old, not blond, and she sings. Yes, folks, it's a musical. Next stop, Broadway—NOT!
Glinda's Kiss—no, that's not a typo. The witch of the North is named Glinda. No "little old woman" here, as in the book. No, now she's some dippy beauty pageant reject. And she does kiss Dorothy on the forehead, but that provides no protection (or if it does, it's not explained—only those who read the book would know this).
Ruby Slippers – WTF??!?!?!?!! No, not another typo. They're not silver. Hello, did anyone working on this picture even read the book?!! It's like filming the Bible and deciding, well, Eve didn't really eat the apple!!!
Tin Man—well, he is a man made out of tin. That's right—he was made out of tin, from the beginning. No cursed axe, chopping off his body parts one at a time. And he's now the "Tin Man" because apparently "Tin Woodman" was too confusing for the studio execs. And now, he just wants a heart. No special reason. Un-freaking-believable. Uh, character motivation, anyone?
The Cowardly Lion—At first, I had high hopes. He starts out on all fours—just like a lion! My heart sank, as he jumped, landed on two legs, and proceeded to walk like a man for the rest of the movie. Oh, and the actor who played him? Some unknown Vaudevillian! I kid you not—not very lion-like at all. Great costume and make-up are wasted in this garbage dump of a movie.
Kalidahs—not in this Oz.
Which is really too bad, because it would have been a KICK-ASS scene on screen.Poppy field—OK, this one I'll concede to the film-makers. The witch makes the poppies appear (which is a cool idea), and there's even a decent solution (which I won't spoil here). The fix nicely avoids the field mice, which could not have been done with today's special effects.
Emerald City—At least it's green. But no one wears glasses. That's right, you heard me. No glasses. Again, did anyone involved in this movie actually read the book? And understand it.
The Wizard—or should I say, the lack thereof! Where is the beautiful lady? Where is the ball of fire? The terrible beast? All gone! Just the big head (which is cool—a true marvel of modern special effects—but that doesn't make up for the loss of the "other" wizards). Oh, and they ALL meet Oz TOGETHER! Hello??!! Film-makers, did you mean to ruin the symbolism in the book, or are you just stupid?
Journey to the West—No wolves, no crows. No bees (at least on screen), but the witch does mention sending some "insects" ahead to take the fight out of them. Sigh.
The winged monkeys—Yes! They are there, and they are AWESOME. No Golden Cap, but you can't have everything.
Killing Dorothy—OK, the witch tells the monkeys to kill Dorothy. But they can't, because the kiss from the Witch of the North protects her. But wait! The kiss is nothing special in this version, so why don't the monkeys kill Dorothy? Because the witch WANTS HER ALIVE! Of course, ten minutes later she wants Dorothy dead.
I could go on, but why bother? I'm so upset, it's taken me hours to write this post. I've had to re-type most of it several times, since tremors of rage screw up my typing. It's all I can do to stop myself from screaming in agony from the TRAVESTY I just saw. I only hope that, one day, I can get those god-awful songs out of my head. "Ding dong the witch is dead"--who writes this drivel?
No one will ever remember this turkey!!!
Thus concludes the world premier of EN World Alternate History Theatre. I hope you've enjoyed The Wizard of Oz Discussed on the 1939 Internet. Please feel free to create a 1939 internet persona and continue the debate.
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