Round One / Disharrock vs. Fickle DM
ARWINK’S JUDGMENT
Disharrock / Untitled
As usual, I’ve got a lot of respect for people who try and write a story using a non-standard format, even if the attempt doesn’t quite come together. This largely barrels forward on the strength of the voice and the layering of image-after-image and it mostly gets away with it. Had it not been for the sudden introduction of a narrative hook (Take me, for example. I thought I had a pretty good life.) in the middle of the story I probably would have just surfed the wave of imagery and enjoyed myself. Unfortunately, once Disharrock gave me that hook and a story to latch onto, the story just felt unbalanced. The first half is a layering of images, the second half is a story, and both halves needed a more even distribution.
In terms of the picture use, I found the first image to be something of a disappointment since it was a relatively easy use of a fantastic picture in a piece that was willing to throw itself on the sword of surreal after-life imagery to fit the last two images in.
And cause I’m a stickler for such things, I really wanted this to have a title
FickleDM / The LARP that Wasn’t
This story had a couple of laughs, but I think the complexity of maintaining two narratives (Johnson in the present, Bob in the past) means that both get short shrift in the end. Johnson feels too much of a device for me; he’s skeptical at the beginning, passively reading the dairy, then switches to a man of action who believes in what’s happening the moment we’ve had the background set-up complete. The real interesting character of the story is Bob, and not just because he’s a gamer , since he’s the one who actually acts and changes as the story progresses. Even the eventual victory is his, since Johnson proves to be pretty ineffectual when the goddess has actually broken free.
Judgment: This is something of an awkward round to judge; both the stories had strengths and weaknesses, and neither really leapt out at me in terms of their picture use. Both tried something interesting with their structure, though neither really succeeded on pulling it off in my eyes. I think I’m going to give the round to Disharrock, but it’s a close thing in my eyes.
THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE
This match was a tough one for me to judge as the entries were at opposite ends of the expected spectrum. FickleGM has done well, piecing the images together into an amusing tale of Gencon gone bizarrely wrong. Dlsharrock has produced a spectacular rant from the grave/afterlife that unfortunately only pays a cursory glance to the images provided. How to split the two?
FickleGM’s stuttered use of the journal worked well for me in propelling the mystery forward. While I enjoyed the story well enough, it was not at what I would call the premium end of “Wow”. It was however well rounded enough in that it concluded with enough space to keep the pacing even throughout. However, I could not help feeling that there should have been a little more to it, be it in more consistent characterisation, or ramping up the tension. Johnson really was flatly presented and so his demise was little more than a speed bump rather than the dramatic loss of a major character. Bob’s sacrifice was over before it really began – although if you are going to die and take the bad guy with you, "FALL IN LAVA AND DIE. NO SAVE, B1TCH!" has to be considered the ultimate in style! This was a fine effort but there are most probably a few things for you to work on.
Dlsharrock has produced a truly engaging piece of writing that really hit the mark for me. It was an impassioned and enthralling piece, well composed and delivered and great to read. However Dlsharrock has played thin with the images with only the sand-face and Nintendo boy carrying any metaphorical weight. It is a real shame to say it but in terms of picture-use, I felt as if the images provided little to no inspiration for the direction of the piece. The “Austrian Villa” and the “magic sparking from our fingertips” pictures could have been of almost anything and just as casually folded into the mix. It is one thing to have the story or theme dominate the images provided, it is another to have it trample over the top of them.
Judgment: Whilst Dlsharrock has provided the superior writing performance for this match, I am going to have to award my judgment to FickleGM for giving the pictures suitable recognition with a good story. It is a very fine line but most unfortunately on this occasion, I think Dlsharrock’s brilliant submission has tiptoed over it with a bulldozer.
MALDUR’S JUDGMENT
Funny fickle, Funny. Lava no save, almost had me spewing my coffee out of my nose. But Dlsharrock pulled a rabbit out of his hat, that was pretty impressive.
Judgement: Dlsharrock
FINAL JUDGMENT
Dlsharrock wins this match with a 2-1 advantage over FickleGM and advances into a round two matchup with Eeralai. Well done though to both of our competitors.
