EN World Short Story Smackdown - FINAL: Berandor vs Piratecat - The Judgment Is In!

[Starman]

Starman - The first time I read this one, it didn't really draw me in. But I went back over it, and I was able to pick up on it. I like the Ouroboros theme, and I felt for the characters stuck in their cycle.

I think that since all the judgments are in, you can probably forgo the sblocks for round one, now.

Thanks for the feedback. Rereading it, I can definitely see where it could use some improvement especially since the last half was really written in the last hour before the deadline. Talk about pressure.

 

[maxfieldjadenfox]

Deep and meaningful is over-rated. All other things being equal, I'd happily read the story of a writer whose having fun with their work over anything else

If you can have fun AND be deep and meaningful, so much the better...

 

[Herremann the Wise]

Okay, it looks like we are going to have internet access at our hotels all along the way. So getting the pictures should be easy. If Dlsharrock even wants to start now, that would be fine. Post at will and I will be checking in at least once a day. We are hitting the road in about 16 hours from this post and will be gone for over two weeks. Who knows what I may find for inspiration outside of the pictures

That's excellent that you'll have internet access, I was a little concerned you might be left stranded. If you need any further assistance on the road with the competition, send me an email and I'll do my best to help.

Anyway, have a safe trip, enjoy yourselves and best of luck with all manner of inspiration, your match could be up very soon depending upon Dlsharrock.

Best Regards
Herremann the Wise

 

[Herremann the Wise]

A Monday afternoon start time is ok (the earlier in the day, the better for me).

I'll be starting your match with PC at 9:00am Tuesday Sydney time which is about 5:00pm Monday afternoon/early evening your time - I think.

Thank you to the judges for your comments. I will keep them in mind in the second round. As a first time competitor, I found a couple of things (notably the relative importance of the pictures in the judging) a bit murky at first, but I think I'm getting a handle on it.

I suppose all the judges have their own perspective on the pictures and there's an awful lot of precedent passed down from previous competitions. I've written before on this and will copy and paste it here:

Picture as a Picture
This is the classic no-no. For example, when you have a painting, and one of the characters steps into the room and "sees a painting of several fairies", then you have not really dealt with the topic of the picture. In short you've lost a whole stack of opportunities to take your story in some fantastic direction. Don't be nervous about taking a risk.

Picture as a Waypoint
This is normally considered suitable use but personally, it is one of the uses that I find annoying. This is where the interaction with the picture lasts little more than a sentence before the action moves on to something more interesting. Almost like the picture was included and referred to because you "had to include it". Sometimes, you'll get a picture that is impossible to deal with any other way and that's cool, just as long as the other pictures are doing something.

Picture Element Interpreted as a Theme
This is where you focus on a particular aspect of the picture (for example if you had two creatures enslaved in a jar being tormented by a kid). You might take the dominion theme and have it mean something important in your story - perhaps never referring to the exact picture. This use is a very difficult one to pull off but it is accepted. Sometimes, for a picture to fit, it cannot be interpreted literally. You have been warned though, when somebody tries this and it fails, it looks REALLY bad (as if you had not used the picture at all).

Picture an Intrinsic Part of the Story
This is what we hope you will do with all the images in some fantastic way that nobody would have thought of. This generally happens when you take certain elements of a picture and lead up to them, way before the picture is actually used; or when a character in one of these images is the dominant character and the image is the pivotal moment in the story. Or perhaps, somebody sees something in the picture and extends upon it in the most dramatic way, giving added meaning to both the image and the story. To me, this is the holy grail of picture use.

I commented on Eeralai and Berandor's stories up above. But I have a few more comments on other stories. I'll put them in an sblock because I'm still not sure of the protocol.

The sblock is so that the judges don't stumble upon something that could influence their decision on a particular match. It's a lot of fun as a judge to go back over these and see what others have said. Now that all first round matches have been decided, you can write and comment as you will.

RangerWickett - I liked the consistent use of symbolism, and your theme of artifice (music) vs. nature (evil, the storm) resonated with me. The poem was excellent as both an example of language even more artificial than prose and as language that is most like music; it scored on one of your major themes. "The Saints Go Marching In," played by the cell phone (a perfect example of techonology married to music), was another pitch-perfect choice. I love literary writing. Your story reminded me of Robert Frost when he was asked by someone about whether or not he thought of such mundane things as meter and metonymy when he wrote his beautiful poems ("Think of 'em? I RELISH 'em!"). You clearly relish literature, and it was a feast for the reader as well.

Excellent commentary! As I said in my judgment, I wish I could have flagged both of you through. I suppose it shows the strength of the competition when an entry like RangerWickett's misses out.

Anyway, if you have any other questions regarding the competition post away and I'll do my best to help (as will others). And best of luck in your upcoming match versus Piratecat, he's a tough competitor but you're from the New Mexico cabal so I'm sure he's shaking in his Piratepussy boots as we type. A little sabre rattling and smacktalk over the weekend should have him at your mercy by the time the pictures are posted.

Best Regards
Herremann the Wise

 

[arwink]

I've got to ditto Herremann's notes on the picture use. For me the basic default test for effective image use in Ceramic DM is this:

1) Would the story be changed if you removed the scene/character/etc the picture inspired from the narrative? Commentary: I'm going to pick on Rangerwickett on this one, because the example is the freshest in my mind. Three of his four images are vital to his story, but I found his use of the flooded camp-grounds to be a little weak. This is probably the point where I differ from Herremann's notes above, because from one perspective that image is everywhere in Rangerwickett's story of a city slowly being flooded and drowned by the torrential rain. From another perspective, that image is basically a throw-away line at the end - a way-point more than anything else.

2) Is the picture being used in a way that I wouldn't expect? Commentary: I think 2 is one of the reasons that I see the fantasy-themed image round as tough, because those pictures scream fantasy and finding a way to tiwst them while staying true to the image is difficult. By contrast, people who get the stranger pictures are forced to find a way to fit them, and short of falling back on surrealism or dream-imagery there's no default or easy way to slide them in.

Every Judge tends to approach the task in their own way, though, and I'm probably more inclined to be forgiving of less-than-stellar picture use if the rest of the elements involved in your story are outstanding. Similarly, no matter how innovative your twist of the pictures, I'm not going to care if your story doesn't give me an engaging character whose problems I care about.

 

[Berandor]

First of all, thanks to awayfarer for making this a nailbiter. Also, this may be the first time maldur gave a judgement to my story, so huzzah!

Saturday evening would be best for me. Sunday afternoon would be my next choice.

Is that American time?

Sunday afternoon Sidney time would be sunday morning German time... I guess that would be sort of alright with me (though Sunday afternoon American time would be better )

So either way, Sunday afternoon and I'll make do.

 

[Dlsharrock]

Looks like everyone woke up when I went to bed! And I thought Enworld was slow yesterday.

Thankyou, esteemed judges. Commiserations Fickle, I think actually your story was stronger in terms of picture use. I think I kinda missed the point a bit in that quarter.

Yes H T Wise, I am available for Go whenever you want. I have no work this week and it's a long weekend. Moreover, my partner is going away for the weekend, which means I get to spend Saturday, Sunday and Monday with my brain. [(Hi!) Shut-up, you know nobody wants to hear from you, why do you always interrupt!]

Feedback has been very enlightening, thanks to everyone who gave me critique.

I think I made one major faux pas in CDM terms and didn't give the pictures due consideration. In fact, I don't just think it, I know it, and hang my big stupid red faced head in shame for so doing. In my defence I am feeling around in the dark a bit, being both new to CDM and Enworld, but that's not really the best excuse as I could have researched better and checked the archives for last years/previous years competitions. I guess I didn't take it seriously enough and for that I won't mind if someone comes round my house, rips my arm off and beats me with the soggy end.

However, having run roughshod over the entire basic premise, and felt the bitter sting of a slapped wrist for my wayward way-point methods, I feel very lucky to have scraped through to round 2 so now intend to give the pictures the respect they deserve, bless 'em.

I think I get it now, is what I'm trying to say in 1000 words or less. Thanks arwink and HT Wise for the clarity also. I've saved those words of wisdom and will use them as sort of churchy gospel when I compose my next story

 

[Herremann the Wise]

Yes H T Wise, I am available for Go whenever you want. I have no work this week and it's a long weekend. Moreover, my partner is going away for the weekend, which means I get to spend Saturday, Sunday and Monday with my brain.

Done.

Images shall be up 9:00am Friday morning, Sydney time which is whatever time it is in the Old Dart and the East Coast of the U.S. via New Mexico.

Thanks arwink and HT Wise for the clarity also. I've saved those words of wisdom and will use them as sort of churchy gospel when I compose my next story

Like with all rules, take them with a grain of salt. If you have some bizarre sort of idea that you think is cool, go for it! I suppose what I'm saying, is that you are more than welcome to jump off a cliff... just do it with a parachute if possible. Congratulations on getting through and best of luck, you are up against a fierce and successful competitor in Eeralai. I look forward to seeing what you cook up.

Best Regards
Herremann the Wise

 

[Dlsharrock]

Images shall be up 9:00am Friday morning, Sydney time which is whatever time it is in the Old Dart and the East Coast of the U.S. via New Mexico.

Or if you have them now, that's fine with me, if it's fine with Eeralai. Get things moving along and all that.

 

[awayfarer]

Congrats to Berandor on the win. Now where's my copy of the home game and 12 month supply of Hamburger Helper?