EN World Short Story Smackdown - FINAL: Berandor vs Piratecat - The Judgment Is In!

[Herremann the Wise]

Match Nine / Dlsharrock vs. Eeralai

ARWINK’S JUDGMENT

Sorry for the brevity of this folks: I’m still being hammered by work at present, and I wanted to make sure I got something to you rather than letting this drag on.

Dlsharrocks story starts strong and holds together well – I’m engaged, I enjoyed the picture use, and the voice worked nicely. It all started to unravel a little by the end though, and I find myself dissatisfied with the conclusion. It’s kind of a resolution-that-isn’t, because the conflict that’s been driving the story isn’t actually resolved.

Eerali gives us a solid beginning to the story, but the ending leaves me feeling a little flat. There’s a real reliance on backstory to drive the conflict – we only ever understand Cate’s actions through flashback - and I think this needs to start earlier or finish later as a result. The militia crashing through isn’t a satisfying conclusion to the story as it stands, but it could be if we’re given a greater lead-in to set-up the relationship between Cate and the Professor which sets-up the tension between her desire and his research. Alternately, this would work as a beginning as well.

Judgment

Both of these stories start strong, with great voice and interesting set-ups, and both seem to drift into their endings rather than really hammer the story home for maximum impact. It’s a tough choice, but I think Dlsharrock takes the round.


THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE

Being round two and still only four pictures (next round has 5 pictures while the final will have 6!); I deliberately upped the ante on the difficulty level of the images. This set was weighed down (please excuse the pun) by a couple of dominant images that put extra creative demands on our authors. Dlsharrock and Eeralai have come up with two good stories and in truth I found this a tough one to split.

Dlsharrock has done well in drawing his story together – although the title was a little trite. I enjoyed the longer ride and felt that the internal logic of the piece held together nicely. The twist at the end didn’t quite have me falling off of my chair but still, it was very neatly done. Picture use was of high quality with most images receiving a good work out. The glazed... “thing” was excellently used whilst the miniature helicopter was at the other end of the spectrum – but good enough in context. All in all, this story scored well from me, I really enjoyed it.

I loved the futuristic premise behind Eeralai’s story and the inevitability of technology it presented. By the end of the story, I had well and truly enjoyed myself but wondered what the real message behind the story was? I don’t think that the excellent foundation that was set up was taken advantage of by the finale. To my thinking, the choice that Cate took in the end was never a real choice. I think if there was a feeling that Cate could have reasonably refused the professor, it would have made the piece more fulfilling; the true theme of the piece being allowed to resonate. Aside from this quibble, there was so much of the piece to like. I thought the images were well used, the tone consistent and the pacing controlled. Congratulations on a fine effort with a difficult set of pictures.

Splitting the two is tough but on this occasion, I’ll go with Dlsharrock by a whisker. I think this tale was the more complete package winning over Eeralai’s story that had better potential but a potential that was not quite fully realised. This was a really tough one for me.

MALDUR’S JUDGMENT

When I saw the pictures I almost wished for a story where the fat lady ...
stayed the fat lady, but it seems cultural forces drove both writers towards the promise of skinny.

DLSHarrock, nice chtuloidish story, nice twist in the tradition of the short story.

Eeralai, cyberpunkish story nice technology, when do we get to read the rest of the book, as this story practicaly screams prologue.

Judgement: Eeralai, as that story had nicer flow, and I am just a sucker for cyberpunkish stories.

FINAL JUDGMENT

Dlsharrock wins but only just.

 

[Herremann the Wise]

Match Ten / Starman vs. Berandor

ARWINK’S JUDGMENT

Again, apologies for the brief comments, but I figured quick and done is better than detailed and not-done at this point.

Starman / The Great Illusion of a Dream

This one causes me some consternation; the voice is solid, the character is interesting, but the plot leaves me cold. It’s a story driven by whimsy more than anything, and I’ve never really been satisfied by this. I think it’s largely the ending that loses me – it’s an abrupt change and a happy ending that never really feels like it’s in doubt. Frank’s initial desire to become a knightly hero feels a little on-the-nose, and his transformation doesn’t feel like it’s earned.

Berandor / Samsara

That first line: great image, very exacting in its detail. That control carries through the rest of the piece, which is loaded with great one-liners and subtle ironies. The only real disappointment for me was the switch to Richard as POV character in order to get Amurayi free – for all that it has some of my favourite lines in the story, it’s a moment that’s purely narrative device.

Judgment

Starman pulls together a solid story and may have the better picture use by a small margin (Berandor fudges a little with the tree image, IMO, switching out the fantastic feel for a more convenient milieu), but Berandor’s tale does a great job of mixing folklore and the imagery into a cohesive whole. I’m going to give the round to Berandor.

THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE

I’d have to say that I got really excited when I posted the pictures. I thought them diverse, tough yet evocative – my favourite set of images thus far.

Starman has produced an OK story that draws the images together well but in truth, I don’t think Frank did enough for me as a central character. Frank either had to earn my sympathy or deserve my derision and instead he kind of fell in the middle. As such, the ending was fairly limp in terms of affecting me as a reader. Frank’s pining for an illusion was just too one-dimensional. There wasn’t enough meat in the story for me to believe that Frank’s dream girl was anything but an illusion, the story staying in the mundane rather than threatening the fantastic. Still, it was a good effort with a tough set of pictures.

Without beating around the bush, Berandor has given me something wonderful here. This was a story that despite its length had me re-reading it several times in rapture. It was exceptionally well crafted, used the pictures to full effect and did everything you could hope for from a story crafted in less than 72 hours. The twist was well done; the characters involved engaging and the pacing appropriate for the slightly extended tale that was presented. What can I say but it was a joy to read a story of this standard. Exceptionally well done!

My judgment goes to Berandor.

MALDUR’S JUDGMENT

Round two: Berandor vs. Starman

Starman: nice story, especially the way you put in the suprised midget was priceless (great pic as well )

berandor: great beginning, and even as the end was slightly less....epic, I loved the twist. Supernatural creatures better be carefull around indian midgets

Judgement: Berandor

FINAL JUDGMENT

Congratulations to Starman for another stellar effort but Berandor gets the clean sweep.

 

[Herremann the Wise]

Match Eleven / Piratecat vs. Ycore Rixle

ARWINK’S JUDGMENT

Piratecat / Fast Learner

Good comic fantasy is hard to write, and I’m usually one to groan when I see a comedy-fantasy set-up. Despite my reservations and a rocky opening where I was left struggling to find my feet, you’d really sold me on the genre by the end. In fact I think my favourite thing about this story is the fact that I know I’m being set up for a joke, but I’m still pleasantly surprised and amused by the punchline. The “Does your Verminox have brown eyes” actually had me giggling at my computer. I think it works because there’s a sensitivity to the humour – it exists outside of the joke, and I feel like our nameless protagonist is going on a journey (albeit one that doesn’t really feel resolved in the ending)

Ycore Rixle / Untitled

The world-building here is excellent, bringing the city of Sarnise to life in a series of deft brush-strokes and details. The voice of the piece echoes the lush decadence of the city, and while you brush up against the absurd there’s a certain surety that carries things through. The build of the narrative is great, but I felt somewhat let down by the all-too-convenient return of Tara to save the day. The irony is that Rhys has certainly grown into a character that feels like he deserves to be with Tara as a reward for his character arc, but that climactic moment actually makes it feel like he’s getting out of jail free.

Judgment

I think the round goes to Piratecat, but man, I flip-flopped on this one. I started Ycore’s story thinking Piratecat had the edge; by the middle of Ycore’s story, as the voice grew more confident and the wry absurdity more controlled, I thought the character arc and growth of Rhys was going to bring this one home; With both writers doing a great job with the words and images, the final decision finally came down to which story satisfied the most (or left me unsatisfied in the right way), and Piratecat’s ambiguity just pipped the flawed-but-effective ending of Ycore’s story at the post.

THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE

These images were again somewhere in the realm of science fiction and fantasy – a test for our two competitors to come up with something extraordinary.

Piratecat has a way of presenting things that you can’t help liking. The perspective of our aberrant “hero” is fantastic and bizarre to read but completely and utterly fascinating. On the one hand I loved it, on the other, I wished there were more and on the other tentacle, I’m glad the piece was kept short and tight. An excellent interpretation of the images.

Ycore Rixle has perhaps gone a step further in presenting an other-world both broad and tangible. The scope of the world was majestically presented. Unfortunately, the actual story for me was a little too languid and in parts almost too slight. Perhaps this is the danger of this set of pictures. To treat them with seriousness and depth you need to have room for the world (which you did and did excellently) but also the drama of the story (which could have been better). I love what you tried to do here and on one level I think you succeeded. However, the story as a whole did not have as much punch as I think it deserved.

As such, Piratecat gets the vote for me but boy was I impressed with what Ycore Rixle was doing.

MALDUR’S JUDGMENT

Piratecat: For some reason the monster in your story reminds me of the thing under the umbrella in the order of the stick. Cute but deadly.

Ycore Rixle: dreams and nightmares, interesting ideas.

Judgement: Due to the slight haphazard feel of Ycores story it goes to Piratecat. As that story was "more polished".

FINAL JUDGMENT

Piratecat in a 3-0 but again, that score does not seem to reflect the closeness of the contest.

 

[Herremann the Wise]

Match Twelve / Rodrigo Istalandir vs. Mythago

ARWINK’S JUDGMENT

Mythago / Chosen

The aggrieved tone of the opening is great, and the story does a great deal with a very short wordcount. A thousand words is a damn hard length to keep a story at and this manages it with aplomb. My only concern, and this is a potentially minor quibble, is that the short length leaves the pictures feeling like they’re flashing by.

Rodrigo Istalandir /All in a Day’s Work

I’m almost disappointed that I’d seen the images prior to reading the story, since it meant that I could piece together the importance of seemingly throw-away lines about how long it’s been since our narrator had a snow day and the evils of the blackberry. You do a great job of building the mood here, giving subtle clues and setting-up the rules of the world. Very easy to read, lots of fun.

Judgment

This is one of those rounds that kind of sucks to judge, because realistically I’d be happy to send both writers through. Good work all-round, and but I think Rodrigo just manages to pull ahead in this one thanks to his twisting of the devil image/theme that half-step further.

THE JUDGMENT OF HERREMANN THE WISE

I thought the images for this fairly diverse but the dominance of certain themes shone through both our entries.

Mythago has produced a short tale that very neatly pulls the images together. While the length did not provide a great level of depth to the images, there was a really nice concision to how they fitted together to produce the eventual story. I adored the way how the different influences were blended together – a real lesson to everyone how to produce a very short but complete and satisfying story.

Rodrigo has produced a true Ceramic DM classic. I’ll even go out on a limb to say that this is the best story of the competition thus far – and that’s really saying something given the fantastic standard. What can I say but beautifully constructed with some of the best lines I’ve read in any Ceramic DM competition! To any reading this judgment who have not read this story, can you please chase it down and read it as a matter of urgency. Excellent, excellent, excellent!

My judgment goes to Rodrigo for a classic effort but props too for Mythago’s excellently short contribution.

MALDUR’S JUDGMENT

Rodrigo: that was funny .... "When hell freezes over" ... * grins*

Mythago: the end of the world is nigh! *rings bell* nice story, but a little short.

Judgement: Rodrigo, great little story, well done.

FINAL JUDGMENT

Congratulations to Rodrigo for the clean sweep. Kudos to Mythago for a fine story.

 

[Herremann the Wise]

Just a quick congratulations to all our round two competitors! I can't remember reading a round of such quality. Whilst I thought Berandor and Rodrigo's were standouts, every story here was premium grade with so many tough decisions for the judges.

And so we progress to round three. Can the competitors post an email with a day that suits over the coming week (I can post pictures as early as tomorrow morning Sydney time if you all wish). I'll leave it up to you guys to sort out. I will post any pictures at the regular time of 9:00am.

Best Regards
Herremann the Wise

PS: Apologies that I did not post these judgments earlier today, I only just got into work.

 

[Berandor]

In spoilers, so I won't give the judgement away:
[sblock]First off, thanks to the judges for their time and effort, and to Starman for not only a tough round, but a fun one as well, with every new smacktalking post here driving me to better writing

The only real disappointment for me was the switch to Richard as POV character in order to get Amurayi free – for all that it has some of my favourite lines in the story, it’s a moment that’s purely narrative device.

I thought about that and I would have kicked this in a minute – if that wouldn't have been one of the gorram pictures Maybe with a little time (ha!) I would have come up with some other way.

Other than that, I find more and more that I'm not very good at judging my own story right out of the gate. I'm probably too immersed in my own writing process. I'm glad you liked it. In fact, I'm glad you can't see me blush in front of the screen. Well, actually, you can – see attached file.

Finally, Herreman: It would be dreamy if my next round began on Sunday morning (for you) or later, but I'm afraid that this would be a little long in waiting, yes? Since my week is shot to hell anyway, if that isn't possible, just hit me whenever and we'll see how far I get with the pics.[/sblock]

 

[Rodrigo Istalindir]

I'm ready to go now, or whenever is least convenient for my opponent.

 

[Eeralai]

Thank you judges! I took a lot of short cuts here which was making me sad all week because I had so much more I wanted to write. Good job Dlsharrock and good luck in the next round.

Btw Maldur, when I was pregnant, there were times where I felt I couldn't get out of bed, and when I saw that picture all I kept thinking about was that feeling and how I would want a new body so I could move again. Your, right though, it would've been interesting to write a story where the woman remained large. Thanks for the vote! Does that mean you'll read my cyberpunk novel when I get done with it

Ycorerixel, thanks for the comments! I haven't been able to read any matches but my own this round because I am still on the road. If you like the idea of sentient jumping, I highly recommend the Ghost in the Shell movies and TV series. The manga is supposed to be good too, I just haven't read it.

Pkitty, we had a great time meeting you and thanks for taking us to a place that was so fun for the kids!

Cheers for those going on, and condolences to those of us who didn't make the cut

 

[Ycore Rixle]

Congrats, Kevin! And thanks for the comments, judges.

 

[Starman]

Congrats to Berandor for his well deserved victory this round. And thank you to the judges for reading my stuff and giving me some feedback. I'll definitely take it into consideration for the next competition.

There will be a next time, right?