Teflon Billy said:
Seriosuly, when I finished my last post with "Dress as you will" I meant it.
That's cool. It's this very "I may prefer that you do X, but be yourself, man" kind of atmosphere that makes the EN community great.
Teflon Billy said:
But please, don't bother with rationalizations like "the way I present myself is no reflection on the way I feel". The image one projects is the message one sends non-verbally.
This is what is being referred to when someone gives a "show of respect".
In my case it's not a rationalization at all. I honestly do not value people more if they wear a suit or tuxedo. In fact, I mark them down a few points because I automatically assume they're trying to cover up for something or otherwise hide some deficiency in personality by drawing attention away from themselves and toward their clothing. My view is no more right than yours, but it should illustrate that the world is not of one mind on the issue. In such a case I personally feel it would be hypocritical of me to simply defer to the popular view when I feel my own is just as valid. To me, the "show of respect" is about how you treat the event by your behaviour, not by your clothing.
Teflon Billy said:
People don't have to guess as to whether you hold the event in some esteem...you have dressed up for it.
Again, I don't judge how people are treating an even based on their clothing, I judge it based on their demeanor and their behavior. Sitting in the back of the room giggling while sneaking sips off of a mickey shows a definite lack of respect, for instance, even if you're dressed in a tux with long tails. Sitting quietly and really listening to people's speeches on the other hand shows respect even if you show up naked.
Teflon Billy said:
If some hobo wandered into the event, I would assume that he had no respect for it based on how he was dressed.
If some lost businessman in a two piece suit wandered into the event, I would assume he had some respect for it, likewise based on his manner of dress.
"But aha!" you say "Billy, neither of them have any respect for the event!" And you would be correct.
Chalk one up to personal preference, I suppose. I'd figure neither one cared based on the likely behaviours I'd see from each of them. The hobo would be panhandling or looking for cigarette butts, and the business geek would be staring around slack-jawed wondering where the free snacks and conference tchotchkies are.
Teflon Billy said:
I think if you have respect for the some event you might want to take a crack at looing like you do. Otherwise, there is no way to tell (Short of bringing a bullhorn...but that could disrupt things)
I agree with you here - I would personally dress at least in clean presentable clothing, and would myself lean towards something in the "business casual" range, but that's just personal preference, and I wouldn't judge people for choosing differently.
Anyway, nice talking this through. After months of misunderstandings, tears and fits from the women about the issue of my wedding attire it's nice to be able to have a rational discussion on the matter. Again for the record, for that occasion I'm ending up in a linen mandarin-collar shirt and a brocade high-collar vest and dress pants. It is dressy without being *dressed up*, and both I and the women are very happy with it - it just took a few months to convince them of that fact.