Ever had a player get so bent out of shape over something small, then refused to play

[Ottergame]

I have a friend who keeps complaining about never having any games to play in. Every time someone pitches an idea, he shoots it down in flames, usually over some crazy little detail that he gets all bent out of shape over. The latest 2 examples were both for D&D. The first was going to be about the players as new hatchling dragons. He didn't like the way the game started, with the dragons all being alone in a cave with no other hatchlings or adults, and it was aborted. The second was when he refused to play in the game when one of the other players said they wanted to play a good gnoll PC. His rational was that gnolls are always man-eatting evil bastards. Period. He said that it was "allowing liberties with stuff just coz", and refused to play.

It's frustrating, but I keep trying never the less. It's annoying listening to him complain about not playing, then refusing to play over some technicality. Does any one else have any experience with this? Should I just give up? I really like the guy, he's a good friend and I want to get him invovled in something, but I keep hitting brick walls.

 

[Delemental]

If he is going to be so particular about these details, then perhaps you could suggest that he try running a game. Then he wouldn't have to worry about these 'minor details'. Or, ask him what he would consider an acceptable game. It's easy to shoot down other's ideas; it's harder to come up with ideas of your own.

Beyond that, just talk to him. Point out that not everyone's concept of what makes a good game will match his, and that without a little flexibility on everyone's part, no one has fun. After all, just because he refuses to play doesn't mean that there aren't 5-6 others who would... who's losing out in this situation? Him.

If he continues with this behavior, then there's no reason you or others should suffer. If someone has an idea, then they pitch it to the group. If your friend rejects it, then simply express your regrets that he doesn't think he will enjoy the game, and then play without him. He'll either figure out a way to fit in, or he'll leave the rest of you in peace to game.

 

[Sejs]

Stop accomodating the guy.

Tell him that this is what you're playing, either man up, nancy, or feel free not to participate this time around. Point out that his complaint that he never has a game to play in is of his own making.

If nothing else tell him that if he constantly has problems with the way you run, well then how about HE run a game - then he shouldn't have anything to bitch over.

 

[Pierson_Lowgal]

First off, I'm probably more like your friend than I am like you and the other people in your group. I wanted to say that because it informs my reply.

DnD is a cooperative game, and I think it works best when the group figures out what kind of game they are going to play before deciding what to do. The GM should explain his dragon idea with the players before he starts really writing adventures and committing his time to this dragon campaign. If everyone else thinks its a great idea, and this one guy hates it, the group has to decide if it wants to scrap the idea or do it anyway.

 

[Drowbane]

I have a friend who keeps complaining about never having any games to play in. Every time someone pitches an idea, he shoots it down in flames, usually over some crazy little detail that he gets all bent out of shape over. The latest 2 examples were both for D&D. The first was going to be about the players as new hatchling dragons. He didn't like the way the game started, with the dragons all being alone in a cave with no other hatchlings or adults, and it was aborted. The second was when he refused to play in the game when one of the other players said they wanted to play a good gnoll PC. His rational was that gnolls are always man-eatting evil bastards. Period. He said that it was "allowing liberties with stuff just coz", and refused to play.

It's frustrating, but I keep trying never the less. It's annoying listening to him complain about not playing, then refusing to play over some technicality. Does any one else have any experience with this? Should I just give up? I really like the guy, he's a good friend and I want to get him invovled in something, but I keep hitting brick walls.

1) Stop inviting him to games, then make sure every mentions how awesome the last session was in his presence... if he asks... "oh, you would not have liked it".

2) Talk to him alone. Point out as bluntly as you can that he is being an immature ass, and if he wants to play, then just fricking play.

My 2e group put up with just such a tool for a few years... then he stopped getting invites to game.

 

[Wolv0rine]

Man, talk about a series of pissy replies.

You realize that this is about the same thing as saying "My friend complains that he doesn't have a girlfriend. But when I tried to set him up with one girl, he said he found her physically repulsive and didn't want to go out with her, and I tried another girl and he said he didn't like her attitude and they didn't get along." and suddenly people are replying "If he wants a girlfriend so much he complains about it, he should take the girl you offer him regardless of whether he thinks she's a pig, or a raving bitch". So the guy has some standards he's looking for in a game, so that makes him a nancy?
Good lord, I think Planescape is the concept of someone who was too 'special' for the short bus, and psionics in fantasy is a sure sign someone's a little bit of a twit. What's that mean? That means I won't play Planecape-type games, and I won't play with psionics. I also haven't been in a game in ages, and lament about it from time to time. But just because I don't have a game to play in, and dislike that I don't, doesn't mean I feel like jumping into any game regardless of whether it'll be fun for me or not.

Sounds to me like, while your friend may be a little anal about his preferences, he's just not willing to commit to a game that doesn't fit what he's looking for. Yeah, maybe talking to him about what he IS looking for in a game would be helpful if you're going to try to continue to work him into a game, it's better than the hit-and-miss method. But I honestly can't understand the lynch-mob that's building over it.

 

[Numion]

Man, talk about a series of pissy replies.

You realize that this is about the same thing as saying "My friend complains that he doesn't have a girlfriend. But when I tried to set him up with one girl, he said he found her physically repulsive and didn't want to go out with her, and I tried another girl and he said he didn't like her attitude and they didn't get along." and suddenly people are replying "If he wants a girlfriend so much he complains about it, he should take the girl you offer him regardless of whether he thinks she's a pig, or a raving bitch". So the guy has some standards he's looking for in a game, so that makes him a nancy?

D&D is not like a girlfriend, so your analogy doesn't work at all.

D&D is more of an orgy

 

[AuraSeer]

Should I just give up?

Yep. You're not his mom, and it's not your job to find him a game. If he throws a conniption about your campaign and refuses to play in it, your response should be: "I'm sorry to hear that, but this is what we're playing. Let me know if you change your mind. Bye now."

Next time he complains that he can't find a game, let him know he's annoying and needs to stop. Refuse to listen to the whining. If he persists, leave the room. Optionally, you may also point out that he can find games yet is too picky to accept any of them, but remember that you are under no obligation to fix his social problems.

 

[Drowbane]

D&D is not like a girlfriend, so your analogy doesn't work at all.

D&D is more of an orgy

lol

 

[Sejs]

Man, talk about a series of pissy replies.

You realize that this is about the same thing as saying "My friend complains that he doesn't have a girlfriend. But when I tried to set him up with one girl, he said he found her physically repulsive and didn't want to go out with her, and I tried another girl and he said he didn't like her attitude and they didn't get along." and suddenly people are replying "If he wants a girlfriend so much he complains about it, he should take the girl you offer him regardless of whether he thinks she's a pig, or a raving bitch". So the guy has some standards he's looking for in a game, so that makes him a nancy?

Him A) whining about how he can't get his game on, and B) nitpicking games appart that don't suit his taste such that the game gets scrapped as a result (then leading to recursion of A) are what makes him a nancy, Wolvorine.

As for your girlfriend analogy, you're about 30 degrees off starboard there. Closer analogy would be: Guy complains he doesn't have a girlfriend. Set him up with Girl A - he finds Girl A physically replulsive, doesn't work out between them. Set him up with Girl B - he and Girl B have personality conflicts galore, doesn't work out between them. Suddenly, you say "You know what? I'm done trying to set you up with girls. Either find one on your own, cope with the ones we've got, or suffer in silence because I'm through playing matchmaker."

If you really want to get down to the nitty gritty, the issue sounds like a big ol' entitlement problem on the part of Mr. Bent Player. But we can explore that in another post, I reckon.

Good lord, I think Planescape is the concept of someone who was too 'special' for the short bus, and psionics in fantasy is a sure sign someone's a little bit of a twit. What's that mean? That means I won't play Planecape-type games, and I won't play with psionics. I also haven't been in a game in ages, and lament about it from time to time. But just because I don't have a game to play in, and dislike that I don't, doesn't mean I feel like jumping into any game regardless of whether it'll be fun for me or not.

You're stretching the issue and you know it. There's a difference between "What? A non-evil gnoll? Pfeh, I don't -think- so." and a game that's made up expressly of things you can't deal with on a fundamental level, like it being a Planescape game. We're talking micro versus macro here, c'mon.

Sounds to me like, while your friend may be a little anal about his preferences, he's just not willing to commit to a game that doesn't fit what he's looking for. Yeah, maybe talking to him about what he IS looking for in a game would be helpful if you're going to try to continue to work him into a game, it's better than the hit-and-miss method. But I honestly can't understand the lynch-mob that's building over it.

Be fair - we're not a lynch mob.


We're more the torches and pitchforks kind.