Ever had a player get so bent out of shape over something small, then refused to play

[Merkuri]

Ask him what he wants. Be point-blank about it if you need to, but get the idea across to him that you want him to have fun and you're not trying to screw him over by giving him games he doesn't like. You may also want to explain to him that in a group of six people (or however many you have) he's the only one who wants to play a game of type X. Make it clear that you'll try to find a game he can have fun with, but that you have five other people to please as well, and you're not going to make a game just for him.

Be aware that each time you abort a game just for him, you're encouraging him to keep complaining. Positive reinforcement and all that. He gets what he wants (a new game) when he complains, so he'll keep complaining. If you really want him to stop complaining, stop giving in to his complaints. Of course, this could lead to an unhappy player playing a game he doesn't like, or a gamer who quits your group, but he'd stop complaining.

And this is off topic, but as a female gamer I'm offended by the term "nancy" used as an insult. What does being feminine have to do with not liking certain games?

 

[diaglo]

It's frustrating, but I keep trying never the less. It's annoying listening to him complain about not playing, then refusing to play over some technicality. Does any one else have any experience with this? Should I just give up? I really like the guy, he's a good friend and I want to get him invovled in something, but I keep hitting brick walls.

i complain about d02 all the time. my group knows when they pitch ideas about using a d02 system that i am going to bitch.

i still play d02. but that doesn't mean i ain't gonna gripe.

 

[Ashrum the Black]

And we on Enworld, would expect nothing less from you diaglo.



-Ashurm

 

[BlueBlackRed]

Is it me or have these forums been getting angrier recently?

But anyway

I have a friend who keeps complaining about never having any games to play in. Every time someone pitches an idea, he shoots it down in flames, usually over some crazy little detail that he gets all bent out of shape over. The latest 2 examples were both for D&D. The first was going to be about the players as new hatchling dragons. He didn't like the way the game started, with the dragons all being alone in a cave with no other hatchlings or adults, and it was aborted. The second was when he refused to play in the game when one of the other players said they wanted to play a good gnoll PC. His rational was that gnolls are always man-eatting evil bastards. Period. He said that it was "allowing liberties with stuff just coz", and refused to play.

It's frustrating, but I keep trying never the less. It's annoying listening to him complain about not playing, then refusing to play over some technicality. Does any one else have any experience with this? Should I just give up? I really like the guy, he's a good friend and I want to get him invovled in something, but I keep hitting brick walls.

I would complain about these games as well, but rather than throw a fit, I'd explain why and it would either get resolved or I would move on to another group. Problem solved.

Maybe he just wants a standard D&D swords and sorcery game, and you're having non-traditional games.

Or maybe he's just bored of D&D and hasn't realized it yet.

There are a lot of potential reasons, you'll need more information from him.

 

[Vraille Darkfang]

He didn't like the way the game started, with the dragons all being alone in a cave with no other hatchlings or adults, and it was aborted. The second was when he refused to play in the game when one of the other players said they wanted to play a good gnoll PC. His rational was that gnolls are always man-eatting evil bastards. Period. He said that it was "allowing liberties with stuff just coz", and refused to play.

1. If you agree to play a "We're all Baby Dragons" and are surprised when you (I'm guessing you all played different colors) all 'hatch' and have no Adult Dragons around, you don't really get it. Having a 'parent' of sufficent age category (Young Adult at the youngest) means it's almost impossible to have a game. Unless you like 'Sitting in the corner becasue we tried to have an adventure and mommy caught us' as the primary award at the end of every session. He should have at least sat through a session or two before storming out.

2. Gnolls are USUALLY Chaotic Evil. That means there are a lot of non-Chaotic Evil ones running around. In fact, there are more (aggregate) non-Chaotic Evil Gnolls than Chaotic Evil Ones. Sure a Lawful Good is pretty rare, but a CN or N would be fairly common. A NG or CG would happen along more often than you would think. As far as 3.X is concerned Gnolls are NOT always man-eating bastards.

3. I hate the old "You start out as slaves" bit, but one of the best games I ever played in began that way.

If we are going to compare gaming to relationships....

This is more like:

"Hey I know this girl, Becky"

"Becky, can't stand her. She's a bookish nerd"

"Umm, have you met her?"

"Yep, talked to her for 30 seconds once. That's all I needed to know"

"Fine, I guess I'll go tell her she should go ahead and take her shift at the Strip Club after all."

This seems to be more about not wanting to even give anything new a chance, rather than being whinny or anything.

He likes it one way (like how some people always play Elven Bards or Human Paladins).

That's OK. If he doesn't want to play anything different, let it be. IF you are going to be playing a 'Classic' (however he defines that) game then invite him. If not let him be.

You might talk to him about non-standard games and try to get him to come to 3-4 sessions before changing his mind.

He might really end up loving it.

Or he might not.

 

[Shemeska]

He's being incredibly pissy over minor things. A player certainly has a right to complain about the setup of a game, but he's crossed over a line when his lone opposition causes games to meet an abortive end and mess up the fun of everyone else in the group. Now he's just being an insufferable twit by my standards.

Dump him from the group. You can find a more socially agreeable player who cooperates with others and he can find another game. Though if he's going to attempt to micromanage a game as a player rather than DM, he's in for a shock when he can't find a gaming group that doesn't turn their nose up at him. It's called compromise, and he doesn't seem to have any of it, not even for tiny little things.

It's not your problem, not at this stage. Either tell him to try his own hand behind the DM screen or as a group dump him and let him find something tailored to his wants and style if he can.

 

[loki44]

A good gnoll? Sacrilege! Dragon PC's? The horror...

Having said that, the DM just needs to let him know it's a like it or leave it situation. Pretty simple to resolve I'd say.

 

[merelycompetent]

I have a friend who keeps complaining about never having any games to play in. Every time someone pitches an idea, he shoots it down in flames, usually over some crazy little detail that he gets all bent out of shape over.

Please note that my response is based solely on the posted information. I have not been witness to any of the activities described. You may have additional information that totally invalidates any part or the whole of my response. This is my best advice. The long disclaimer is also because I'm posting advice about handling a friendship - and that is decidedly more delicate and important than a game.

Okay, you've got a friend who contsantly 180's when the rest of you are going forward. Simple solution: Stop inviting him. Then have a sit-down with him, in private, and tell him what's going on, and try to work it out -- IF you want to keep the friendship.

Do not invite him to any more games until his behavior changes and *stays* changed. A one-week "miracle cure" isn't enough. He's refused to play the game that the DM is offering. Worse, it looks like he convinced a DM to trash a game just for him. That's being a problem player.

It's frustrating, but I keep trying never the less. It's annoying listening to him complain about not playing, then refusing to play over some technicality. Does any one else have any experience with this? Should I just give up? I really like the guy, he's a good friend and I want to get him invovled in something, but I keep hitting brick walls.

IMO, you're being used.

This game is supposed to be fun. Your friend obviously isn't having fun in these games, but won't quit on his own. So help him quit: Talk to him, encourage him, and finally boot him if he doesn't enjoy the game.

This game is supposed to be fun. If you're the DM and one player is consistently destroying your fun, it's time for that player to either shape up or go: Talk to him, encourage him, and finally boot him if he doesn't stop being a problem.

Your friend keeps trashing these "fun" games, and ruining the enjoyment of the DM and other players. Maybe that's how your friend has his fun. But that's not fun for the other people involved. It's just a game. It's not a cross that you have to carry, with your friend and all his baggage strapped on as extra weight. You are allowed to go out and have fun without this particular friend's attendance or permission.

You care about your friend, as any good friend should. As a good friend, sit him down, spell out how miserable he's making you, and work out a way to resolve the problems. Gaming isn't a way to resolve the problems in your friendship.

Good luck, and I hope you and your friend work this out.

 

[Agent Oracle]

I had a list of six possible game settings / ideas drawn up, printed out four copies, and I approached my players with them. At the bottom of the page were four blank (numbered) lines.

I told my players "This is a list of the things I feel like running in D&D. if you don't see something that you like, please add four ideas of your own and submit it back to me. I'll take your game ideas into consideration.

The players looked over the list, and, as a group, decided they'd like to take part in a Dragonstar (D&D in space High magic, High technology) campaign.

Of course, they didn't tell me about it until then ight before i was going to run the ding-dang capaign.

 

[pogre]

This may be an unpopular point of view, but if a DM goes through the effort of setting up a campaign players need to trust their DM and give it a shot. If I explain the premise and houserules of a possible campaign and one of my players says, "Thanks, but no thanks." I usually say that I understand and perhaps s/he will want to play in the next campaign.

I have a player who loves psionics. I'm not a fan of psionics. He accepts that my campaign will never have psionics, but plays anyway because we have a good time. He did join a campaign where he gets to play a psion this summer - so he gets to scratch that itch from time-to-time.