Ever quit a gaming group because of another player?

[AFGNCAAP]

Warning: a bit of a rant, but it's also providing my experience related to the thread topic.

Well, tonight my plans have fallen through.

Tonight I have quit a gaming group that I have been a part of for several years (since high school, really). The reason why: I just can't stand to be around a certain player in the group anymore.

For a while, I still attended games when the other player wouldn't be there. However, said player got wind of this and would, on occasion, suddenly be available to game that night (last minute, of course). He often uses his roommate as a scapegoat ("Well, I told So-&-So to tell you I'd be able to make it, but I guess he forgot to...."—this coming from a grown adult with his own means of communication). As it is, I was about to provide that guy's roommate a ride to the game when I was informed that the problem player in question would show up. I told the roommate that I would not be attending the game. I then called the DM & informed him of this change.

Not too long afterward, problem player calls me, acting innocent of the issue. I straight-up told him my problem with him and hung up. I then called the DM and told him that I would no longer attend anymore games—he could just kill off my PC or whatever. The DM said that I could just take some time & reconsider after a while, but I informed him that this was a decision I was considering for a while, and that I simply had enough of dealing with this problem player.

Now, I have dealt with this problem player & his antics for several years, off & on. Frankly, I'm tired of dealing with him. However, this also essentially means that I won't see any of my old gaming group at all anymore, other than occasionally bumping into some of them at the local gaming store.

I will say this—this doesn't mean I'm no longer gaming: I play in another gaming group on Fridays, and I was considering starting up a game on Saturdays (which I definitely will do now).

Said player has an issue with how I run my games: I have an issue how he plays games (whether it's me or another DM running). I highly doubt he'll try to play in any games that I run (if he tries to, I highly suspect it would only be to stir up trouble).

Well, that's my story. Basically, I've quit my gaming group because of another player at the table. Has anyone else here had a similar experience?

 

[Green Knight]

Why was he a problem player? What sort of stuff did he do?

 

[Nifft]

I quit one group because of a bad DM, but not another player particularly. We have kicked players out though.

Cheers, -- N

 

[Lord_Zephyr]

Why was he a problem player? What sort of stuff did he do?

Yeah; that's basically what I'm wondering as well. I've never out-and-out quit a group due to one person's antics. Then again I'm pretty thick-skinned when it comes to these sorts of things.

He must've been a pretty big ass to make to abandon your group of friends like that.

 

[Scurvy_Platypus]

Sure, I have.

Life is too short for lousy rpg play. I admit though, I tend to play rpgs in part for social reasons. So if the personal dynamics aren't working out for me, I'm outta there.

Honestly, I don't see why anyone cares what it was that the other person did that you felt was a problem. You've got a whole other group you're already playing with.

Sometimes people want to rush in and offer advice and try and "help" the situation. *shrug* If it floats your boat, go for it; not everything really requires a "solution" though, other than being willing to simply walk away from it all.

It's a game, not a way of life.

 

[Scurvy_Platypus]

He must've been a pretty big ass to make to abandon your group of friends like that.

Not necessarily.

Folks play games for all kinds of reasons. Just because he's been playing with 'em for a while doesn't mean that he really considers them "friends". If they all go out and do stuff outside of playing rpgs, then maybe it's a different story. I do note though that he refers to it as a "group" instead of "my buddies", "my friends", and so forth.

Past a certain point, there's also an element of fairness.

I mean, you can go to the group, lay out your problems and try and get a resolution, but in this case I don't see where it was going to happen. The OP has avoided games already explicitly because of this person.

How fair is it to go to a group and say, "You know, I really can't stand Bob. He just pisses me the @%@#$% off. Either he no longer plays with us, or I'm out of here."

I personally don't consider ultimatums like that particularly fair. I don't like giving them and I don't like receiving them. It's a lot easier to turn around and simply excuse myself from the group and at least be leaving on good terms with the majority of people.

 

[AFGNCAAP]

Why was he a problem player? What sort of stuff did he do?

Here's a list:

• Frequently cheats (even on mundane thngs, like a simple, non-combat/campaign issue Spot check or the like—he only rolls poorly when someone directly watches him roll a die [whom he then blames for bringing him bad luck]).
• Continues to cheat even after everyone's aware of his cheating behavior (will roll dice that are hard to read at a distance; roll, pick up die, then state what was rolled; play-roll with a d20 until he gets a good number, then leaves it there for the next time a roll is called; etc.).
• Has brought games to a screeching halt arguing over a ruling (frequently argues "If I knew that, I wouldn't have done that" or the like). The only consistency in his arguments are that the end result would benefit him (regardless of fairness/consistency in applying the rule).
• Backpedals a lot when he's been caught in a lie or proven wrong, or assigns the blame to someone or something else (i.e., doesn't take responsibility for the problems he causes).
• Does not treat others the way he demands that he is treated (i.e., can't take his own medicine; demands others respect his possessions/property but doesn't do the same; freely insults others, but gets offended when he's insulted; etc.).

There are some other things, too:

Spoiler

his comments/humor can be borderline racist if not outright racist, though he defends himself by saying that other people "need to get a sense of humor" whenever he's called on it (his take on things that can be called "politically correct" or "culturally sensitive" just adds to this); he holds others accountable for debts to the last penny, yet ignores any debts he owes; has changed careers (including the military) because it didn't turn out to be the easy meal ticket he'd thought it would be; etc.

though this could just be my perception of things. Then again, I've had to deal with this guy for at least a decade and a half.

IMO, I'm better off not associating with this person overall.

 

[Lord_Zephyr]

Honestly, I don't see why anyone cares what it was that the other person did that you felt was a problem. You've got a whole other group you're already playing with.

See, I play all of my games with my friends, not a group of people who only get together for the game. Because of that, any minor disagreements are handled by talking about it. It would really take quite a bit to drive me out of a group, because of both convenience (it can be tough finding new people to play with) and loss of friendship. That's why I wonder what it could be that would drive someone out of a group that otherwise is enjoyable. I'm sure that it's something that's been building up over the years.

I also wonder if anyone else in the group has had problems with this individual. If so, it should be him leaving, not you.

EDIT: Wow, those are pretty good reasons! It's amazing that you put up with it for as long as you did.

 

[Verdande]

See, I play all of my games with my friends, not a group of people who only get together for the game.

I'm basically the same way, but I do feel empathy for your position. I can't imagine that I'd stick around a group that had a person that I couldn't stand- I'd either pass on gaming, or find another group/start my own group.

 

[Edgewood]

It sounds like you gave this a fair go. I know how you feel though. I have never quit a group on the personality of a player but I have quit a game on whether I wasn't having any fun.

In your situation, I think you did what you feel is right. You weren't having fun. That's the bottom line here. Now that you have dealt with the problem, you can move onto to better games and better groups. This may also have the effect of having the other players in the old group realizing that you were right, and not game with the problem player any more.

Sometimes it sucks when you're pushed into a corner like that. Hopefully your new game will go better.