Ever quit a gaming group because of another player?

[Dragon Snack]

I've left 3 groups.

One was totally amicable, the group wanted to play a superheroes game and I'm not into that. If they started up their SWSE game again, I would certainly want back in.

The other two, well, I'm an idiot because I got talked back into gaming with the same people (a combination of both groups) and while things went well for a while, it's starting to grate on me again. Only now I'm the DM - and they meet at my house - and I actually like hanging out with some of them out of game - and there's a new guy who I don't mind gaming with...

I've had 2 players leave my group (one that I was DMing).

One who outright said he didn't like the lethality in my game. No problem, in fact he was GMing a Serenity game in the first group I mentioned when I joined them (which broke up because of issues with his brother).

The other, I'm not sure why. He said he emailed me, but I never got that. I ran into him at Gen Con and let's just say the reception was friendly but rather 'cool' (not the good cool). Not sure if he didn't like my non-canon Realms, the fact that I took another players family heirloom greatspear (instead of killing him and he got it back eventually), or if he had issues with another player in the group (this was at the beginning of the recombined second two groups).

 

[catsclaw227]

I actually bailed on my group about two weeks ago because of one particular person. He was the DM in one game and a player in mine, but he was an uber-goober and his issues go well beyond the game.

That's a bummer. I wonder if I know him, considering that we live in the same area - though admittedly, I've only been to AFNG a few times and never been to Lost Goblin.

(PM me if you are looking for a game)

I haven't had to leave a game, but I have had to ask someone to go from my game. It's tough to kick someone out, but in his case, he burnt his own bridges with two of my players and it was a no-brainer.

 

[Dykstrav]

That's a bummer. I wonder if I know him, considering that we live in the same area - though admittedly, I've only been to AFNG a few times and never been to Lost Goblin.

That's a can of worms I'd rather not get into, I'm just venting and not trying to make it tough for him to get new players or anything like that. Maybe you do know him, but I'm not trying to make drama (hence, why names of the guilty parties and FLGS in question have been withheld). We've already had our falling out and I'm trying to be cool about it. If he can find more players, good for him and I wish him the best. It's just that I had such a bad experience that it's still sticking in my craw and I wanted to vent a bit about it... You know it's a terrible game when you're still wondering if he was the worst one you've ever seen several weeks after leaving it.

I'll certainly get in touch about a game, I'm looking to start a 4E game here in Raleigh.

 

[catsclaw227]

That's a can of worms I'd rather not get into, I'm just venting and not trying to make it tough for him to get new players or anything like that. Maybe you do know him, but I'm not trying to make drama (hence, why names of the guilty parties and FLGS in question have been withheld).

Understood. I don't really want to know who anyway.

We're gonna start a 4e game sometime in near future, though our 3.5 Age of Worms game is at 7th-8th level right now and we plan on running this one out to the end.

Man, I'd really love to start DMing a 4e game soon.

 

[Dykstrav]

Man, I'd really love to start DMing a 4e game soon.

I can't wait, myself.

Of course, it'll be a 4E game that I'm running. I haven't sent you something about it yet because I'm still working on the venue sheet and things like that. You'll get the documents as soon as they're done and you're certainly welcome to join my 4E game.

 

[catsclaw227]

Thanks! Keep me posted. I am cobbling together stuff as well

 

[AFGNCAAP]

AFGNCAAP, I don't fault you for quitting. The guy sounds like a real jerk, and If I had to deal with players that annoying, I'd do the same thing.

But that doesn't really forgive your intentionally sporadic attendance. Skipping out on the game based on whether or not the problem player will be there causes headaches for the DM and your fellow players. Maybe I'm misreading, but it sounds like you left a player w/out a ride to the game when you decided to quit. That's not cool.

It's perfectly reasonable (encouraged, even) to quit a game when your not having fun. And if you think you can have fun even with an annoying player, then it's fine to grin and bear it. But don't be a jerk to everyone else just because someone is being a jerk to you.

Actually, the person needing the ride was the roommate of the problem player. If the problem player was attending, the roommate would get a ride. In addition, the roommate of the problem player would get rides from other players in the group. It was just in this particular instance where I was asked by the DM to provide the ride—things developed badly from there that day.

And, the DM & the rest of the group were well aware of my decision not to game if the problem player was there. As a default, it was assumed I would not be at a game. The DM would drop me a line when the problem player wouldn't attend, and I would attend if able (he would inform me well ahead of time, from a few days to even a few weeks of such times). The group kept on playing whether or not I was there.

However, the problem player likes to cause drama and mess with people. He likes to exert control over others, whether directly or covertly. He has burned bridges with other groups of "friends" before. He really has no genuine respect for his so-called "friends".

If I attended a game with the problem player there, the game would not be fun. I would call him out on his cheating & BS (I'm sorry, I don't care to be nonconfrontational & suffer in silence anymore—that just enables jerks like the problem player to thrive). And, whether I was there or not, he would cheat & argue about rulings in the game, bringing the game to a standstill.

He has acted this way as long as I've known him, and he will not change his behavior for anyone. He is disrespectful of others, and if he's challenged about it, he accuses others of not having a sense of humor. However, he can't take his own medicine, and he is petty and vindictive.

While I can understand where you're coming from, choosing to continue to game with the problem player just for the sake of being around the other players solves nothing. The DM and other players have done the same thing themselves at various times regarding other players who were in the group at the time. In those instances, they'd be just as much jerks for ruining the game by not attending as you insinuate I am for this particular instance.

In addition, I've dealt with this problem player for about a decade and a half (roughly), and frankly I've had enough. He hasn't improved in all of that time.

 

[frankthedm]

Why don't the other players just say
Go Away!

http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html

Geek Social Fallacy #1: Ostracizers Are Evil

GSF1 is one of the most common fallacies, and one of the most deeply held. Many geeks have had horrible, humiliating, and formative experiences with ostracism, and the notion of being on the other side of the transaction is repugnant to them.

In its non-pathological form, GSF1 is benign, and even commendable: it is long past time we all grew up and stopped with the junior high popularity games. However, in its pathological form, GSF1 prevents its carrier from participating in -- or tolerating -- the exclusion of anyone from anything, be it a party, a comic book store, or a web forum, and no matter how obnoxious, offensive, or aromatic the prospective excludee may be.

As a result, nearly every geek social group of significant size has at least one member that 80% of the members hate, and the remaining 20% merely tolerate. If GSF1 exists in sufficient concentration -- and it usually does -- it is impossible to expel a person who actively detracts from every social event. GSF1 protocol permits you not to invite someone you don't like to a given event, but if someone spills the beans and our hypothetical Cat Piss Man invites himself, there is no recourse. You must put up with him, or you will be an Evil Ostracizer and might as well go out for the football team.

This phenomenon has a number of unpleasant consequences. For one thing, it actively hinders the wider acceptance of geek-related activities: I don't know that RPGs and comics would be more popular if there were fewer trolls who smell of cheese hassling the new blood, but I'm sure it couldn't hurt. For another, when nothing smacking of social selectiveness can be discussed in public, people inevitably begin to organize activities in secret. These conspiracies often lead to more problems down the line, and the end result is as juvenile as anything a seventh-grader ever dreamed of.

 

[Dykstrav]

http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html

This is very insightful! It's become abundantly clear that my problem DM was very much a carrier of GSF1 and GSF2. I'm still never playing with that guy again but I feel more informed about how this sort of thing happens now.

 

[Old Gumphrey]

I had a DM with most of those, specifically GSF#5. I got invited to be a groomsman at his wedding after gaming with them for 3 months.