I remember we were getting ready to kick off a new campaign and we were having a character creation session. As the DM for that campaign, I was kind of moving around the room, checking in with each player and making a few notes to myself already about possible plot hooks for the characters being created. That sort of strategizing is one of the things I like best about the start of a new game.
One player stood out to me because, unlike the rest who were scribbling away and flipping back and forth in the Players Handbook, he was mid way through the Dungeon Masters Guide. This didn’t bother me because there were no Big Huge Secrets of my game hidden in there. But it seemed odd compared to what the rest of the group was doing.
I said, “What are you looking for?”
He replied, “I’m trying to figure out what level I’m going to have to be to qualify for the Shadowdancer Prestige Class.”
That wasn’t unreasonable so I said something like, “Ok cool,” and turned to walk away and leave him to his planning.
But he continued, “Looks like that won’t be until at least 7th level. But by time I make it to 9th level this character is going to finally be really cool.”
I stopped and turned around. “9th level? You do realize that there’s a pretty good chance this campaign is going to wrap up around 9th to 10th level, right?”
He sighed and said, “Yeah that’s too bad. But still it’ll be pretty neat having the whole Shadow Illusion thing going on. Plus some of the other class features are pretty neat.”
Now I was pretty concerned. “What about up to that point?”
He said, “Well you just gotta pay your dues I guess.”
“So you’re going to play a character that you’re not all that excited about for the next several months so that you get a chance for them to have Shadow Illusion and a few other goodies for the final few sessions of the campaign?”
He kind of sat there as though to say he hated to admit that was true but had no other ideas to really contribute. I abhor silence and filled that gap with the words, “You need to figure out how to be awesome now.” I had just verbalized a philosophy that I didn’t even realize was so core for me.
I reached over and respectfully closed the DMG and said, “Without using any actual game terms, what is it about this character that you really think is cool?”
He gave it a moment of thought and said, “Well just that whole concept of being really stealthy and having some magical powers that make me dark and mysterious.”
I immediately pushed aside the DMG and grabbed a nearby PHB and started helping him put together a Rogue/Sorcerer character that did the large majority of the stuff he wanted and started doing it a hell of a lot sooner. I didn’t know that I’d just held my first coaching session on a topic that is near and dear (and common) to me now.
“Be Awesome Now” is something that I firmly believe is not only possible but important. It really gets at a deeper question that is so fundamental that I now ask it in virtually every initial consultation with a new client:
“How do you want to feel?”
In her (amazing, awesome) book The Fire Starter Sessions, Danielle LaPorte says, “Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most important form of clarity that you can have. Generating those feelings is the most creative thing you can do with your life.”
With regards to my player creating this character for my campaign, he wanted to feel “stealthy, magical, mysterious”. You can certainly make a Shadowdancer and get those feelings. But why wait until you’re 9th level and many months into a game to start feeling like that? Be awesome. NOW.
The reason to do it now rather than to wait for it is actually pretty simple: Traction.
You’re not going to make as much effort to be involved in a campaign where you’re playing a character who doesn’t already deliver the feelings you want to have. But start getting those feelings early on and suddenly you’re totally in the groove. You’re going to shine! And you’ll be making the game not only more fun for yourself but also more fun for all the people around you (especially your DM).
Getting that feeling you want gives you joy and energy. Joy and energy are not only fun but they fuel your ability to press forward and do everything else. Hopefully that “everything else” includes MORE stuff that makes you feel the way you want. Voila! Positive feedback loop! AKA Traction.
Have you already spotted how this applies to life in general? I hope so!
I spoke with somebody once who was struggling through veterinary school while working a part time job. She was finding herself frustrated with the amount of studying and reading and frankly wasn’t sure she was going to be able to stick with it and graduate.
“How do you want to feel?”
It took her a minute to answer (that’s pretty common) but she finally replied, “I guess I just like being around animals. It certainly helps my stress level when I come home and play with my pets.”
I was sure that, as the veterinary school progressed, she was going to have many, many more opportunities for hands on contact with animals. But that wasn’t going to happen until she got to 9th level, many months from now.
“Why don’t you get a job at an animal shelter? Or volunteer for the SPCA? Or start a small business walking people’s dogs in the middle of the day? Find a way to start ‘being around animals’ right away. You’re awesome at that. Be awesome now!”
We do this to ourselves far too often in life. We have come to think that “delayed gratification” is the right and proper thing to do as though joy is something we’ll wear out if we experience it too often. How many people work jobs that they hate so they can retire and “finally start enjoying life”? How many people stare at their calendar waiting for the vacation to arrive so that they can finally go have some fun?
What is it that you want to do when you retire? What feeling are you hoping to capture during that vacation? How do you want to feel? Start feeling that now!
When I tell people this they sometimes think that I’m blowing a little too much sunshine up their ass. “Yeah that’s great, Scott but you still gotta take out the garbage.” Well sure. It would be silly to imagine that everything we do is going to produce that exquisite peace and happiness that we get when we achieve “how do you want to feel?” feeling.
Just so you understand how I want to feel, my answer to this question is that I want to feel “helpful and appreciated”. I LOVE what I do in large part because every day I get to help people. And they appreciate it (for the most part - sometimes coaching means calling people on their BS).
But there are lots of tasks that I must engage in as part of my business that simply do not produce feelings of helpfulness and appreciation. I’ve noticed a strong trend for those to be the items that hang around my to-do list a lot longer than I’d like. As much as possible I outsource that stuff. But there’s some that you just gotta power through and get done, no matter how not-joyful it is.
Where do I get the energy to do that? From the big pile of awesome that is the way I spend most of my time. Sometimes I very much on purpose schedule one to follow the other. I need to go open up a new business checking account at my bank? That does NOT make me feel helpful and appreciated. But if I plan to meet a coaching client while I’m out then I’m a heck of a lot happier when I step out my front door to head downtown.
Get to the bottom of how you want to feel. Figure out what makes you feel awesome now and look around for ways to produce that feeling WAY before you get to 9th level. You don’t have to be a doctor of veterinary medicine to spend more time with animals and you don’t have to be a Shadowdancer to feel stealthy, magical and mysterious.
One player stood out to me because, unlike the rest who were scribbling away and flipping back and forth in the Players Handbook, he was mid way through the Dungeon Masters Guide. This didn’t bother me because there were no Big Huge Secrets of my game hidden in there. But it seemed odd compared to what the rest of the group was doing.
I said, “What are you looking for?”
He replied, “I’m trying to figure out what level I’m going to have to be to qualify for the Shadowdancer Prestige Class.”
That wasn’t unreasonable so I said something like, “Ok cool,” and turned to walk away and leave him to his planning.
But he continued, “Looks like that won’t be until at least 7th level. But by time I make it to 9th level this character is going to finally be really cool.”
I stopped and turned around. “9th level? You do realize that there’s a pretty good chance this campaign is going to wrap up around 9th to 10th level, right?”
He sighed and said, “Yeah that’s too bad. But still it’ll be pretty neat having the whole Shadow Illusion thing going on. Plus some of the other class features are pretty neat.”
Now I was pretty concerned. “What about up to that point?”
He said, “Well you just gotta pay your dues I guess.”
“So you’re going to play a character that you’re not all that excited about for the next several months so that you get a chance for them to have Shadow Illusion and a few other goodies for the final few sessions of the campaign?”
He kind of sat there as though to say he hated to admit that was true but had no other ideas to really contribute. I abhor silence and filled that gap with the words, “You need to figure out how to be awesome now.” I had just verbalized a philosophy that I didn’t even realize was so core for me.
I reached over and respectfully closed the DMG and said, “Without using any actual game terms, what is it about this character that you really think is cool?”
He gave it a moment of thought and said, “Well just that whole concept of being really stealthy and having some magical powers that make me dark and mysterious.”
I immediately pushed aside the DMG and grabbed a nearby PHB and started helping him put together a Rogue/Sorcerer character that did the large majority of the stuff he wanted and started doing it a hell of a lot sooner. I didn’t know that I’d just held my first coaching session on a topic that is near and dear (and common) to me now.
“Be Awesome Now” is something that I firmly believe is not only possible but important. It really gets at a deeper question that is so fundamental that I now ask it in virtually every initial consultation with a new client:
“How do you want to feel?”
In her (amazing, awesome) book The Fire Starter Sessions, Danielle LaPorte says, “Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most important form of clarity that you can have. Generating those feelings is the most creative thing you can do with your life.”
With regards to my player creating this character for my campaign, he wanted to feel “stealthy, magical, mysterious”. You can certainly make a Shadowdancer and get those feelings. But why wait until you’re 9th level and many months into a game to start feeling like that? Be awesome. NOW.
The reason to do it now rather than to wait for it is actually pretty simple: Traction.
You’re not going to make as much effort to be involved in a campaign where you’re playing a character who doesn’t already deliver the feelings you want to have. But start getting those feelings early on and suddenly you’re totally in the groove. You’re going to shine! And you’ll be making the game not only more fun for yourself but also more fun for all the people around you (especially your DM).
Getting that feeling you want gives you joy and energy. Joy and energy are not only fun but they fuel your ability to press forward and do everything else. Hopefully that “everything else” includes MORE stuff that makes you feel the way you want. Voila! Positive feedback loop! AKA Traction.
Have you already spotted how this applies to life in general? I hope so!
I spoke with somebody once who was struggling through veterinary school while working a part time job. She was finding herself frustrated with the amount of studying and reading and frankly wasn’t sure she was going to be able to stick with it and graduate.
“How do you want to feel?”
It took her a minute to answer (that’s pretty common) but she finally replied, “I guess I just like being around animals. It certainly helps my stress level when I come home and play with my pets.”
I was sure that, as the veterinary school progressed, she was going to have many, many more opportunities for hands on contact with animals. But that wasn’t going to happen until she got to 9th level, many months from now.
“Why don’t you get a job at an animal shelter? Or volunteer for the SPCA? Or start a small business walking people’s dogs in the middle of the day? Find a way to start ‘being around animals’ right away. You’re awesome at that. Be awesome now!”
We do this to ourselves far too often in life. We have come to think that “delayed gratification” is the right and proper thing to do as though joy is something we’ll wear out if we experience it too often. How many people work jobs that they hate so they can retire and “finally start enjoying life”? How many people stare at their calendar waiting for the vacation to arrive so that they can finally go have some fun?
What is it that you want to do when you retire? What feeling are you hoping to capture during that vacation? How do you want to feel? Start feeling that now!
When I tell people this they sometimes think that I’m blowing a little too much sunshine up their ass. “Yeah that’s great, Scott but you still gotta take out the garbage.” Well sure. It would be silly to imagine that everything we do is going to produce that exquisite peace and happiness that we get when we achieve “how do you want to feel?” feeling.
Just so you understand how I want to feel, my answer to this question is that I want to feel “helpful and appreciated”. I LOVE what I do in large part because every day I get to help people. And they appreciate it (for the most part - sometimes coaching means calling people on their BS).
But there are lots of tasks that I must engage in as part of my business that simply do not produce feelings of helpfulness and appreciation. I’ve noticed a strong trend for those to be the items that hang around my to-do list a lot longer than I’d like. As much as possible I outsource that stuff. But there’s some that you just gotta power through and get done, no matter how not-joyful it is.
Where do I get the energy to do that? From the big pile of awesome that is the way I spend most of my time. Sometimes I very much on purpose schedule one to follow the other. I need to go open up a new business checking account at my bank? That does NOT make me feel helpful and appreciated. But if I plan to meet a coaching client while I’m out then I’m a heck of a lot happier when I step out my front door to head downtown.
Get to the bottom of how you want to feel. Figure out what makes you feel awesome now and look around for ways to produce that feeling WAY before you get to 9th level. You don’t have to be a doctor of veterinary medicine to spend more time with animals and you don’t have to be a Shadowdancer to feel stealthy, magical and mysterious.
