Feeling bad or emotional problems - Play less or more?

[Jon_Dahl]

If you have problems in your life, do you find RPGs as a way to ease your mind or are you able to roleplay only when you're happy and feeling 100%?

I've noticed that one of my players forgets and skips sessions if she's feeling sad. It seems that she has lot of stress in her life (brother was in an asylum etc.) so she skips sessions.

Personally I find this sort of behaviour hard to understand, because staying home all evening crying (well of course you can do something else too) is not a solution to your problems. It would be much better to hang with your friends and get your mind off of your problems. But I do understand that some people act differently.

About 8 months ago my mother passed away and I roleplayed every week. I only skipped one session. In my opinion it was great that I was able to concentrate on other things then just to support my father every day. I was able to at least once a week enter a different place, where my problems and grief didn't exist. I never told any of the players that my mom had just passed away. So I know that my view is wrong, but sometimes when people say that "boohoo I have problems with my boyfriend, we've dated for one month! I can't play!" I feel like SCREAMING that why are you such a big festering pussy and why can't you see that hobbies, studying and working are great ways to distract yourself! But of course I don't do it, it's not right. I just can't help it, but after all I've been through I feel completely disgusted with players that are paralyzed with negative emotions and can only play if their life is merryhappyjoyjoy. It's simply hard for me to understand. I guess it's about whether RPGs are a lifestyle or just a hobby for you.

 

[nedjer]

If you have problems in your life, do you find RPGs as a way to ease your mind or are you able to roleplay only when you're happy and feeling 100%?

I've noticed that one of my players forgets and skips sessions if she's feeling sad. It seems that she has lot of stress in her life (brother was in an asylum etc.) so she skips sessions.

Personally I find this sort of behaviour hard to understand, because staying home all evening crying (well of course you can do something else too) is not a solution to your problems. It would be much better to hang with your friends and get your mind off of your problems. But I do understand that some people act differently.

About 8 months ago my mother passed away and roleplayed every week. I only skipped one session. In my opinion it was great that I was able to concentrate on other things then just to support my father every day. I was able to at least once a week enter a different place, where my problems and grief didn't exist. I never told any of the players that my mom had just passed away. So I know that my view is wrong, but sometimes when people say that "boohoo I have problems with my boyfriend, we've dated for one month! I can't play!" I feel like SCREAMING that why are such a big festering pussy and why can't you see that hobbies, studying and working are great ways to distract yourself! But of course I don't do it, it's not right. I just can't help it, but after all I've been through I feel completely disgusted with players that are paralyzed with negative emotions and can only play if their life is merryhappyjoyjoy. It's simply hard for me to understand. I guess it's about whether RPGs are a lifestyle or just a hobby for you.

IMO you're maybe one of those who can work through something at a manageable pace by throttling back on the stress. By playing you gave yourself much-needed 'time-outs' and possibly helped avoid becoming locked into a carer relationship with your dad.

Unfortunately, while you may have the inner pilot light that allows some people to swear a few times, have a quick rant and then soldier on; many others aren't as resilient. They can need help lighting the pilot light.

It might be worth considering that when some players are stressed out to the max they could easily misinterpret your good intentions, (which could well help light the pilot light), and instead pick-up on your 'confusion' over why they can't see the benefits. I.e. coming back after one missed session may involve a grumpy GM, having to play catch-up and . . .

So, in no way a professional opinion, but I suspect . . . you can lead a horse to water but . . .

 

[wedgeski]

Hmm, what an excellent question.

One of my players had his father pass away recently and missed only one session as a result. It was obvious to all of us that he appreciated the distraction afforded by our game, and we all worked hard to make the sessions as little about his grief, and as much about kicking cultist ass, as possible.

 

[Jimlock]

There is one downside to what you say Jon_Dahl.

RPGs take you to another fantasy universe. There, your real problems do not exist.

I don't really know what is best...

1-Distract yourself whichever way possible?

2-Confront your problems in your everyday life without feeling that:
"you are actually using the game as to hide from the truth/problems"?

I love RPGs, but I also acknowledge the escapism that (possibly) comes with it.

It's not all that simple IMHO.

 

[RedTonic]

I find it's a mix for me, personally. When I feel awful, I certainly don't want to talk about it with anyone--that is simply how I was reared, and I've never overcome that reserve. Of course, in general I like to complain; it's a sport--one that gamers know well. But genuine unhappiness isn't something I want to share with my gaming group, so I tend to become reclusive. I'm shy by nature anyway. Of course, not showing up to games when I'm unhappy doesn't mean that I'm sitting alone in the dark with my cat, drinking and crying. It just means I'm doing other things, hopefully to reground myself, emotionally speaking.

Also, being female, showing any sign of emotional weakness before, during, or after a session with a mainly male group is never a good idea.

When it's merely a matter of stress from too much work, I schedule myself out of sessions or games. Usually that works as a sort of triage. What games am I enjoying most? What games have a manageable pace in my current circumstances? If I bow out of games I'm not really enjoying, then I am doing myself a net service anyway.

 

[Nagol]

By and large, emotional state has little impact on my play schedule. RPGs aren't what I turn to for support. If I am seriously emotionally stressed, I'll suggest someone else run a game rather than try to DM/GM since I won't have the focus or proper mindset.

 

[S'mon]

I haven't noticed much impact either way, although I probably play/DM better when I'm happy. (Edit: I wouldn't play during an actiual family emergency, obviously).

What I have noticed is re work - if I have a very heavy teaching/lecturing load, it seems to suck up the part of my brain I use for DMing, and my DMing suffers notably. In particular my prep is inadequate and I struggle to improvise. Whereas currently I have had a very heavy marking load, but was able to DM 2 consecutive sessions on consecutive evenings, the second on two hour's notice, and I didn't experience any problems. The D&D was a good break from the paper-grading.

 

[Bedrockgames]

I just can't help it, but after all I've been through I feel completely disgusted with players that are paralyzed with negative emotions and can only play if their life is merryhappyjoyjoy. It's simply hard for me to understand. I guess it's about whether RPGs are a lifestyle or just a hobby for you.

I don't think this has as much to do with the hobby as how people deal with problems generally in their lives. It also depends on the situation, I think if a family member passes away or someone gets a really bad medical diagnosis, it should be expected they will miss some games. It probably isn't that they enjoy gaming any less than others, but they just don't feel comfortable having a good time in the middle of tragic events.

 

[Bedrockgames]

What I have noticed is re work - if I have a very heavy teaching/lecturing load, it seems to suck up the part of my brain I use for DMing, and my DMing suffers notably. In particular my prep is inadequate and I struggle to improvise. Whereas currently I have had a very heavy marking load, but was able to DM 2 consecutive sessions on consecutive evenings, the second on two hour's notice, and I didn't experience any problems. The D&D was a good break from the paper-grading.

In my experience work is the most common reason for scheduling issues and missed games as you get older. The trickiest situation is when you have a mix of people with 9-5 jobs (with weekends open) and others who work on weekends or nights.

And regarding GMing, you are spot on. I if I have a lot of work on my plate, it is hard to justify plotting out NPCs and mapping crypts in my free time.

 

[Mallus]

I usually find social engagements invigorating and/or restorative, except for the times I don't. At those times, I simply don't feel as if I have the energy to be my public self.

Also... re: RPG's as a "lifestyle", I quote one of the first men of American letters, Don Delillo.

"Californians invented the concept of life-style. This alone warrants their doom."