Feeling bad or emotional problems - Play less or more?

[Ulrick]

"Doing something constructive"? Try "things go so bad for me because I am such bad player, and people don't listen to me because I am such a dislikable person, and I cannot do anything right, and... and..."

I've had those thoughts, too. And at times I did think I was a bad player, but then I soon discovered that some of the people I wargamed with cheated constantly (amazing what happens when you actually buy the rules rather than rely only on a cheat sheet). And then I kicked myself for putting up with them for so long... and thus: I could have been doing something more constructive.

 

[Diamond Cross]

Actually it's not so easy to take these kinds of problems to your friends. Because all they're likely going to say are things like "It's all in your head" or just won't want to hear it. Like friends telling their friends who suffer from clinical depression to just "get over it".

They may be trying to be helpful, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

If you have problems in your life, do you find RPGs as a way to ease your mind or are you able to roleplay only when you're happy and feeling 100%?

I find that this hobby helps me blow off steam & relax. It's a refuge.

Even while I may not be 100% top of my game, just sitting at the table with my buddies is relaxing (for the most part). If I'm actually sick and can't attend, I may still break out a game book and do some PC design or something.

 

[jdrakeh]

Play less. I tend to isolate when things are going poorly for me.

 

[Tuft]

I've had those thoughts, too. And at times I did think I was a bad player, but then I soon discovered that some of the people I wargamed with cheated constantly (amazing what happens when you actually buy the rules rather than rely only on a cheat sheet). And then I kicked myself for putting up with them for so long... and thus: I could have been doing something more constructive.

My feelings of inadequacy got a good boost from my GM reserving the really juicy special character options for the players who were "so good they deserved them"...

 

[nedjer]

My feelings of inadequacy got a good boost from my GM reserving the really juicy special character options for the players who were "so good they deserved them"...

That's just a form of bullying and the inadequate dude looks like the one who's sitting in judgement over the group. Your GM seems a bit of a wanker

 

[Crazy Jerome]

Often friends will give the exact opposite advice of a trained professional in an attempt to be helpful, because they are personally invested, because they don't know what is actually the most healthy way to resolve an issue, or because they don't fully understand the issue.

Great post, and I can't XP you at the moment, but wanted to reinforce that this can easily occur even with care, objectivity, and understanding turned up high. Depression is really strange, not only in what it does to the person suffering it, but also what it sometimes causes that person to project to others.

And on the main topic, I agree that it is complicated. I'm highly introverted, but games are almost always a big release and welcome distraction. And I know this about myself. So a roleplaying session is, when I'm down, in a race to produce the good effects before the sustained effects of being social become wearing. One of the most important things I can do before a game, when stressed or down, is spend some time alone.

 

[Viktyr Gehrig]

I can't deal with stress. I miss a lot of gaming sessions and therapy appointments because I just can. not. deal. with. people. right. now. I hate missing out on what are essentially my only social outlets, but there are days when even thinking about leaving the house makes me panic.

 

[Elf Witch]

When my dad passed away I still gamed and it helped. It took my mind off the horrible grief I was dealing with. It was the same with going out to dinner with friends or to a movie.

Though there was a period of time where I was going through some major issues. I was living with roommates who I hated living with, my son was in a bad situation in his life ,my best friend was having major health issues and I was on some really bad medicines for depression.

I would go gaming and at the table I would be having fun but afterward I would get upset over things that happened. Looking back on that time I feel sorry for the other players and DM because all game discussion via email deteriorated into a morass of misery.

Looking back I should have taken a break from gaming to deal with my issues. I am lucky that my friends stuck by me but it wasn't easy.

So I do think there are times it is better for everyone at the table if you take a break.

I have friend who DMs Shadowrun for us. Usually he is a great DM. But he was going through a lot of issues in his personal life with his wife and immediate family. The game really suffered he took offensive at the littlest thing. My character had the flaw paranoid and I was playing her as I always, did not be fully opening to any new NPC. I always did background checks on the NPCs which we used to joke about.

When I said I was going to do it he went off on how sick he was of giving us helpful people and how we didn't appreciate anything he did for us. It was obvious he was projecting his frustrations at home on what was going on in the game. But he couldn't see it at the time.

It got to the point I dreaded playing so when he wanted to make the switch to 4E Shadowrun I bowed out of the game. The game self destructed a few months after that.

So I do believe that gaming is not always the answer if you are having issues.

 

[karlindel]

It depends on what I'm feeling bad about and how bad i'm feeling. It also depends on whether I'm the GM or player and what kind of game it is.

If I'm just feeling a little down, playing is a pick me up. If I'm feeling really awful, then I'm not likely to be in a mood to enjoy the game. In addition, I likely won't play very well, and I will likely feel even worse after the game as I think about all the mistakes I made.

If it's just a bad mood, playing is worthwhile. If I've had a life changing event like someone's death, then that is something that requires time to deal with, and I am likely to cancel all of my games until I have had some time to deal with it emotionally.

If I am a player, I am less likely to cancel, as playing is less intense and stressful than GMing. Not that I don't enjoy GMing just as much, but as Aberzanzorax mentioned, even good stressors are still stressors and can negatively affect you when you are not doing well. In addition, GMing requires more time spent preparing than playing does, and that means less time spent trying to deal with the problem, if there is one.

If the game is just a beer and pretzels game or a one shot, particularly with people who are friends outside of the game, I am more likely to play than if it is a deep character drama and/or with people I don't know as well.