Fellow Player drives the group mad (Rant)

[Dougal DeKree]

Hi there. I need to vent a bit, so here it goes.

We are a group of 7 people, ages between 26 and 36. We are playing D&D 3.0, Starwars, Arcana Unearthed and some homebrew.

Now one player keeps getting on our nerves more and more.

Whenever you say something like "Duh, now that probably wasn't the smartest idea..." (after, let's say the player intentionally drew the attention of some giants we wanted to ambush without that player having a plan), this player will get up, grab his stuff and disappear from the session without a word. The next day "the offending player" gets an email varying between 4 and 10 pages telling him, how unsensitive and generally hateful that comment was, combined with the revelation about some other "horrible event" in the life of the disappeared player. The next week said player takes part in our session again.

Even worse is when said player GM's his homebrew. Usually every 2nd time the player/GM bursts into tears (without any conceivable cause) and runs off, leaving the rest in utter confusion. Again the next day someone will get a looong email which would count as a troll on this boards.

Worst for me is when i GM (Arcana Unearthed). Exactly that player nitpicks at every minor illogical point (which i have lots, since i rarely have time to prepare properly - but still all the other players _do_ have lots of fun, since i tend to correct it in their favour) and as soon as i correct myself begins near endless monologues about how one should prepare his game properly. When told to quiet down (even by other players) the player will again burst into tears and run away. Oh, and now guess...right, i get a lengthy, boring email.

Now this player brought our group together, so we all feel that we have to bear with it for the time being, but our general mood lessens increasingly.

Any ideas on what to do here?

Dougal

 

[Umbran]

Any ideas on what to do here?

Hm. I don't think you can do much about this unless you know why the player acts this way. I've seen similar behavior from "drama queens", who do it to get attention. But I've also seen it from people who have genuine problems. And you don't want to treat one like the other.

Best approach might be to take this player aside, and mention, in all seriousness, that you've noticed how incredibly frequently they get upset at games, and ask if they'd like to talk about it.

 

[Darklone]

Wow, and I thought you were bothered about me because I 'never' come to the sessions...

 

[Altamont Ravenard]

I second Umbran's comment and suggestion.

I have a few questions, though. Is that person a friend whom you see in other social situations, or is it just someone you game with? Would you consider that he's a close personal friend? Is he a close personal friend of someone else in the group? If you do see him in other social situations, is he as fragile? Do you know of any emotional, traumatic experiences he might have lived? Have you know him for long?

What I'd suggest is that the person who is closest to him have a one on one talk with him, and seriously ask him if anything is wrong, and if it's the case, then that person should seek professional help.

If the person is just a drama queen, then, I'd suggest a stern warning to change (because he disrupts the game) or he'll get a boot.

Hope everything turns out ok.

(btw, to get more responses, you could have posted this in the main forum, since it's RPG related)

AR

 

[Altamont Ravenard]

Oh yeah, since that person seems so keen on communicating by email, and because he doesn't like face-to-face confrontation, maybe it'd be a good idea to send him an email, in which everyone expresses his concern for him...

AR

 

[Darklone]

.... not a drama queen IIRC...

 

[OregonGM]

Same situation, same age range, different type of annoying.

We debated for weeks how to turf this poor fellow, his only true crimes being outside of the game. I'm ashamed to say that my wife was the only one with the stones to finally say something. A phrase that lives on years later for all of us;

"[name withheld], there is no longer a chair here for you."

No discussion, the door is over there. Goodbye.

I know that sounds a little harsh, but we play for fun. There is no "Gamer's Obligation" to keep around a total putz.

One of the players eventually returned this guy's phone call and said what may have been the more honest and humane route to begin with.
"Look dude, you have problems that don't belong in our game. Get your head together and we'll talk"

Seems appropriate for Dougal's player as well.

 

[Dougal DeKree]

response...

.... not a drama queen IIRC...

...not so sure there, Darklone. I mean that player even says "I don't like Robert DeNiro" and asked about which of his movies the player refers to the player says "Never seen a movie with him." So waht? Opposition for oppositions sake?

First of all, i'm not all sure it really is RPG-related, that's why i didn't put it in general. I mean, the cause isn't always related with the actual game. On the latest session we talked about Starship Troopers during a fight, which made that player leave instantly. Why? Dunno... Could also have been the GM who denied the marriage to the drow-paladin who's declared only goal in the campaign is to reproduce. I really don't understand even one inch of this behaviour.

Apart from that: thanx for the response!

Best approach might be to take this player aside, and mention, in all seriousness, that you've noticed how incredibly frequently they get upset at games, and ask if they'd like to talk about it.

As AR mentioned i think email is the better way here, since it provides a distance and not-face-2-face. I think every one of us asked about the real cause via the response-email on the incoming email. I never got an answer though, apart from the general "other horrible event of the past" which didn't have anything to do with the cause in question IMO. This of course only goes as far as i can tell for myself.

I wouldn't say the player is a close personal friend and i'm not sure about the status friend for that. It's someone i game with, nothing more. Not unpleasant sometimes, but simply too different to spend more time with.

And with different i mean both gaming behaviour as well as RL behaviour. Sadly i know more of that players "emotional, traumatic experiences" than i would like to - they come with those unwanted "you are a unfriendly co-gamer"-emails.

 

[Piratecat]

Moved to General Discussion from OT.

 

[Henry]

The problem needs to be confronted before it drives a wedge in the group. Either he needs to be adressed that he needs to confront his issues and seek professional help, or you need to simply uninvite him from your future games. Such a person is too disruptive to enjoy a social situation with.