FINAL FANTASY....Myrkr Foe 5/20,new finished system attached

[Fieari]

incorperation of the machine yet still monsterous enemy is the key
trick to alleviating rpg monotony,though what exactly the 'Extricater' does for these rather than machines may be a 'campaign' to 'campaign' issue

See, this is a perfect example of what we're saying. I have NO idea what you are even attempting to say here. "...is the key trick to..."? "...does for these rather than...."?

You have pages of problems like these. I honestly cannot decypher this. Additionally, there is the problem that you refuse to add comma space. After a comma, like just there, you need to hit the spacebar on your keyboard. This makes things readable by adding whitespace where it is needed.

Sometimes I can't tell whether or not you intended to put a period somewhere. For example, in the above quote, you have a line that ends with "...the key" and no period, but you do add a carraige return. The next line appears that it MIGHT be a new sentence, if you just added a word here or there.

I'm going to take some EXTRA effort and REALLY try to decypher this little bit. Please note that this take a LOT of time, and there is NO WAY I'm going to go through your entire document like this.

My rewrite (which may not be correct)

Now we add machines, however, the key thing to remember is that we want "Monstrous Enemies". However, what role the 'Extricater' performs may vary from campaign to campaign.

Since you put 'Extricater' in quotes, I left that as is, but I believe you may have been attempting to spell 'Extricator'.

Look. You need an introduction. First, tell us why we should care. Why did you start writing this? Were you inspired by Final Fantasy to create an RPG system (I don't recognize this as any specific FF setting, but correct me if I'm wrong)? Did you just have a cool story in your head, and wanted to get it out? Let us know. And if you're pushing a system, it really should be seperated from the story... that is to say, it should be understandable without knowing the story. I, quite frankly, wasn't really interested in the backstory you had very much. It read like a history textbook. And while histories CAN be interesting, they're usually interesting only when you have a vested interest... such as when you live in the land, or if you have a character there, or whatever.

Now you need to explain what you're trying to accomplish with the system. You're just throwing out, for all I can tell, random monster and things. Why? To what purpose? And I don't recognize all the notations you're using. Could you run them by us one by one, with full explanations, perhaps with general statements as to how they'd fit into the setting?

Let me go through just one of your examples, showing exactly what I mean by, "I don't understand you."

Hp 1000
#1d10

Hp I think I know, but what's the #1d10? Are you saying that it has hit die of d10 size? But you aren't following HD methods that I've ever seen...

fort 40
brty 44

Fort I may or may not know about. In D&D, fort is a saving throw type, and usually shows up on a character sheet as +number... meaning that when making a saving throw, you add that number to your d20 dice roll. Is that what you MEAN here? Add 40 to a d20? Or is this a DC? Or is this something ENTIRELY DIFFERENT, which I rather suspect is the case. If so, I have no idea what you are talking about.

s 27
bp 21

I don't have the slightest clue what these even stand for.

move dc 41(7)

Move difficulty class? It requires a DC check just to move, and that roll must be 41 or higher? And what's the (7) for? Do you mean something different from what everyone here knows about? If so, you need to TELL us. More importantly, you need to TEACH us, slowly, and in peices, so we get the point. Please note that you are posting on a Dungeons and Dragons web forum, we all know D&D. We all know D20. We DON'T, however, know what you've thought up. You have to teach it to us.

anti-magic/1d4 spells absorbed in limb/repelled with later attack

These are words, and I sortof know what they mean. Anti-magic. So this thing has some sort of anti-magic capabilities. What are they? Is this / notation describing how the anti-magic works? As I'm pouring over this, line by line, it suggests that, but at a glance, this is TOTALLY befuddling. I'm guessing this means that it has "Anti magic capabilities" and that said capabilities are that it stores 1d4 spells into the arm, and then counterattacks? Hey... that sounds a little like final fantasy... hmmmmm.....

special/repell,badger,lethargy posien

The heck? This makes no sense to me.

The strange 10 thin limbed,monster with light purple
skin,and a small body,that looks like an insect,is actually
a distorted field servant from an alternate plain.With
developed power of spell defense,they can unleash a
terrible assualt of caster enemies own dmg,1d4 each,when
they make a knife or lethargy limb attack.

Is this flavor text? A description of battle tactics? An overall description? Could you please label it as such? Could you please put spaces after commas and periods and spell check it?
[quote[Attack/slash limb(4d6)&<<<,lethargy limb(4d8,-1d10 d/a player effected)<<
wisk limb(2d10),Zinu knife(8d8)every
Tintain 465 Goods 2000E,2000c.,1d6 crystals(rnd)[/quote]This is all greek to me.

Now, please note all this effort I've put into understanding but ONE of the things you've posted in this thread. Understand that you have MOUNTAINS of this stuff. We understand none of it. Maybe if it was our full time job to pour through it all, we might be able to understand bits of it in, I don't know, a week or more... but it's not my job, I'm not getting paid to do it, and it's NOT FUN... which should be the point of a game, yes?

Please understand. We -can't read this-. Fix it, chop it into small pieces, organize it, TEACH it to us, and then maybe we'll understand, give feedback, and maybe someone'll think about perhaps using it.

But no one will touch it until then. Trust me.

Comments made comparing you to Gene Ray are not made without reason.

 

[Felikeries]

'various repricussions for unmerrited examples'

personally the 'comiserite' to RPG styles doesn't include regular grammar
or else after evey 'typsetter' type use from a keyboard the interplay if
applied might micombobulate all the material,the densified text concerning the
'monsters' should be that way,no wild spacing,becasue it's a 'noter'

the system document applies all the information necessary to delve into
this system,with the exception of some minor stuff that anybody who plays
rpg could see as an alacritive element,though i assumed there might be questions that's why i have said this


for example:Extricater 'that er...yes'~what will spell dmg for machine abilites do to partial and 1/2 machines....that's what is coined for campaign to campaign

Celestien:'that ien...yes'~what durration will her summons be,obviously with minutes,as so 2.25 and 4 simsecs represent turns,and 20 simsecs a minute,so
1 minute is 5 player turns,if they each make an extra action,the fighting on the enemies side may usually apply to several more simsec durrations so
to be fair 2d4 minutes,2d8 minutes,3d6 minutes,then say levels are opted for
lvl # versus a die score or/- that dies score ex:1d20-lvl10,+1d4 next 4 lvls thus at say level 17 1d20+4d4-10(-11,-12,-13 etc) returns to a new 'leveler'
3d10 -17 (1d4 every 4 levels,4d4 at most) as a retainer for higher level exchange -1d4 from 17 may occur if win the 'to summon' roll by 10
(note though actuall time adds 1/4 ss. every simple attack so after 4 that's 1 more simsec,which in some cases needs to be denoted by GM or player for the likes of summons or ss. duration effects)

Campaign:in which the scores that are greater than players finally have an effect for 'combat' uses,certain 'labrynths' for example,my fealing is that it should still be a minimal extra for 'enemies' so...maybe +1d10 any traite rolled by GM or player compounds as to the # rolled = more than a player traite makes the ability to use this for extra defense roll# aloted original more than player number of times of rolled divider,and attack extra the same way,this however can be applied as to 'cause for greater concern' times for the players,because their own extra's still apply to any othetr traite and this is a favorable 'grip of agony' type situation thus


move dc : allows players after a 20M attack to make a move away,this makes player away from combat front,and if there are still more than (2 or 3 a player,usually 2)at the front the beast will move to attack moved player,whos had a chance to 'recover' etc,this allows any player who has a range of the moved player 'ft.' attack,or coverage for those the player was fighting(killed 1 thus another still fights 2,but in this case 3 on 1 allowed)now +5 attack occurs,helping the moved character,any # of party may move to help the moved player however thus '2 or 3 on 1' must still apply



Special Spells
These may be obtained at –50 hp for each learned 1d5/c. 5 lvls known 1d10/c.

Treatchery Thiote
When caster makes 4 spells from same lvl won sequentially +6d10 dmg next 1d4 casts
(-10 hp,bp must be more than any one foe)

Weaves of Elitarde
1d6 spell damages at party (100 dmg at most) will be done to each different foe’s next cast
(- hipiffany for that week,-25 hp 1st ,-15 every after,no summoning durring)
Fetch of Olianzer
Any spell that does the same exact dmg roll by enemy as next 4 by caster for 10 casts 100 dmg
(-5 any 4 traites,players using same spell for # may make two attack attempts 3 rd and 4 th)

Lake of Fear
With water as used regent this spell will cause 1d6 enemies to roll to run next 1d4 turns&reg.
(costs 1 day of water or 4 uses of vial etc,players using same regent water before/c. can’t use that)

 

[Contrabassoon]

Is it just me, or does his logorrhea resemble the output of a MegaHALesque program that was fed a bunch of RPG books?

Also, it's kind of funny how much it resembles the crap he's blathering about in this thread.

 

[Felikeries]

there's more than one way to skin a cat.....

does there exist somebody who understands the word doc. and the beasts who's tried playing,if so,that may be a better example of confusion issues rather than 'if only i wasn't so stupid'


'the excitement for yet tabled magic items etc' within Goods is killing me

i'd hate to have to show everyone version II before this pans through

 

[Remathilis]

uh....

http://www.planettribes.com/allyourbase/index.shtml

I'm lost.

 

[Anabstercorian]

Brutal flaming

Felikeries, you're a blithering incoherent garble spooge.

You have no communication skills at all. I suspect you may be an advanced gibbering mouther, or possibly a chaos beast, who has a passing interest in roleplaying game design. Though your design may be excellent, it is impossible to comprehend through any sort of logical method of parsing your text.

Give up your impossible dream until you learn how to communicate in coherent sentences.

I am making fun of you in this way because I am confident that any response you offer me will make no sense anyway.

 

[slingbld]

personally the 'comiserite' to RPG styles doesn't include regular grammar
or else after evey 'typsetter' type use from a keyboard the interplay if
applied might micombobulate all the material,the densified text concerning the
'monsters' should be that way,no wild spacing,becasue it's a 'noter'

What?? Why are you putting quotations around some words??
What the heck is micombobulate?? no dictionary in the world has that one!
What the heck is densified?? Another one missing from Webster's Dictionary!!
What do you mean wild spacing?? We are asking you to follow simple GRAMMAR! That is not wild pspacing!!
What is 'noter'???

the system document applies all the information necessary to delve into
this system,with the exception of some minor stuff that anybody who plays
rpg could see as an alacritive element,though i assumed there might be questions that's why i have said this

The system document is impossible for any one of us trying to figure this out to follow!! I and many others have been playing RPG's form more than 15 or 20 years. I've played just about every system out there! Including some pretty crappy ones!! I've seen how many different ways you can present information. You are presenting it in the most readable format i have ever seen in my 17 years playing!! PLEASE FOLLOW SOME OF OUR TIPS & SPELL CHECK!! USE PROPER SPACING & SOME LEVEL OF CORRECT GRAMMAR!!!

for example:Extricater 'that er...yes'~what will spell dmg for machine abilites do to partial and 1/2 machines....that's what is coined for campaign to campaign

Celestien:'that ien...yes'~what durration will her summons be,obviously with minutes,as so 2.25 and 4 simsecs represent turns,and 20 simsecs a minute,so
1 minute is 5 player turns,if they each make an extra action,the fighting on the enemies side may usually apply to several more simsec durrations so
to be fair 2d4 minutes,2d8 minutes,3d6 minutes,then say levels are opted for
lvl # versus a die score or/- that dies score ex:1d20-lvl10,+1d4 next 4 lvls thus at say level 17 1d20+4d4-10(-11,-12,-13 etc) returns to a new 'leveler'
3d10 -17 (1d4 every 4 levels,4d4 at most) as a retainer for higher level exchange -1d4 from 17 may occur if win the 'to summon' roll by 10
(note though actuall time adds 1/4 ss. every simple attack so after 4 that's 1 more simsec,which in some cases needs to be denoted by GM or player for the likes of summons or ss. duration effects)

Campaign:in which the scores that are greater than players finally have an effect for 'combat' uses,certain 'labrynths' for example,my fealing is that it should still be a minimal extra for 'enemies' so...maybe +1d10 any traite rolled by GM or player compounds as to the # rolled = more than a player traite makes the ability to use this for extra defense roll# aloted original more than player number of times of rolled divider,and attack extra the same way,this however can be applied as to 'cause for greater concern' times for the players,because their own extra's still apply to any othetr traite and this is a favorable 'grip of agony' type situation thus


move dc : allows players after a 20M attack to make a move away,this makes player away from combat front,and if there are still more than (2 or 3 a player,usually 2)at the front the beast will move to attack moved player,whos had a chance to 'recover' etc,this allows any player who has a range of the moved player 'ft.' attack,or coverage for those the player was fighting(killed 1 thus another still fights 2,but in this case 3 on 1 allowed)now +5 attack occurs,helping the moved character,any # of party may move to help the moved player however thus '2 or 3 on 1' must still apply



Special Spells
These may be obtained at –50 hp for each learned 1d5/c. 5 lvls known 1d10/c.

Treatchery Thiote
When caster makes 4 spells from same lvl won sequentially +6d10 dmg next 1d4 casts
(-10 hp,bp must be more than any one foe)

Weaves of Elitarde
1d6 spell damages at party (100 dmg at most) will be done to each different foe’s next cast
(- hipiffany for that week,-25 hp 1st ,-15 every after,no summoning durring)
Fetch of Olianzer
Any spell that does the same exact dmg roll by enemy as next 4 by caster for 10 casts 100 dmg
(-5 any 4 traites,players using same spell for # may make two attack attempts 3 rd and 4 th)

Lake of Fear
With water as used regent this spell will cause 1d6 enemies to roll to run next 1d4 turns&reg.
(costs 1 day of water or 4 uses of vial etc,players using same regent water before/c. can’t use that)

Ok...
One more time...
Please clean up the original word document you posted. let us know that it has been cleaned up. Then we can TRY to read it.

Please do us that favor.
Slingbld

 

[Felikeries]

so that's the type of 'personae' i need to critique my story hour
great any new volunteers just cruize over to 'Dark Battler's'
'The Excepted Adventure' or the finished 'Freeing the Might'

then the if who what weuh mojo muf gooby can really get cruizen


there's also the one that must be quite aways back
'Ashianda and Felikeries'

that should make a character,class regaurd rather clear

 

[Leopold]

I would like to see your documents



shredded


and then set on fire


and then I could read the words you wrote by the trails of ash in the sky.


Sense does it make?

 

[slingbld]

so that's the type of 'personae' i need to critique my story hour
great any new volunteers just cruize over to 'Dark Battler's'
'The Excepted Adventure' or the finished 'Freeing the Might'

then the if who what weuh mojo muf gooby can really get cruizen


there's also the one that must be quite aways back
'Ashianda and Felikeries'

that should make a character,class regaurd rather clear

WHAT??
Ok, I think I know what the problem is here. The people who've offered constructive criticism are of an age beyond high school where dude speak is no longer considered "cool" you however, I think are still in high scholl and where that in and of itself is not a bad thing, you still live by the delusion that purposefully mispelling words is cool and makes you smarter.
News flash: It makes you look unintelligent!
If you are not working on a D20M/ OGL system, why then post to here?
If you are working on nothing more than an inside joke that you and your friend (note the singular here) find humorous, get over yourselves!

Take some lessons in english 101 & learn to communicate with the rest of the world!!!