So, although I'd like to keep a specific discussion of 4e out of it, since you keep referring back to another thread, let me address this in those terms.
In 4e, suppose you are unconscious until you make a saving throw. Each turn then, what happens to you as a player? Well, each turn you have an important task to undertake. You must throw a dice and determine if you can wake your character up from their torpid state. As a player, you are participating. However, if you fail in your save, you as a character and you as a player don't get the oppurtunity to contribute toward success.
You claim that you can fundamentally distinguish a situation where you as a player roll a die and fail to wake your character up, and you as a player roll a die and fail to hit the target. But, from a play perspective, you the player participated in the exact same amount and in the exact same way and contributed the exact same thing to the game state in both cases.
Not at all. In the first case, I as a player contributed exactly nothing. My activity could be performed by a trained monkey, and in fact I often see players of unconscious characters say, "I'm going to the bathroom/to have a cigarette/to get a beer, somebody roll for me when my turn comes around."
In the second case, I have to decide whether to attack or do something else; what type of attack to use; which enemy to attack; whether to apply any special one-shot bonuses I have lying around; et cetera, et cetera.
It is of course possible that my attack will miss after all this planning; but even then, my decision had an effect, because I could have used that round to do something other than attack--I could have run away, or maneuvered for a better position, chugged a potion, or Done Something Cool that's not covered by the rules.
To me, at least, participation means making decisions that affect the outcome. Rolling dice is not, in and of itself, participating.
(Edit: Looks like this has already been hashed out... that's what happens when you reply before reading the whole thread.)
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