Great barbarian quotes

[Evilhalfling]

while playing a Gencon game -
"I have a sword, Its been 2 hours, and there is NO BLOOD on it! "


actually said by a fighter but it applies to barbarians as well.
2hrs of searching a puzzel dungeon, with this player demanding to go through the obvious way
finally the party exausts all other options and they head through the door - which of course was the right way.

 

[Snapdragyn]

In a campaign that ended shortly after this happened:

My barbarian, Galorin, was heavy on the 'country lout in the big city' characteristics. Sunbathing nude on the deck of a ship, blithely unaware of the stares this was attracting; spouting mangled bits of Draconic he'd overhead from the party 'face' -- whatever he did, he did it wide-eyed & innocent while the chips fell all over. In particular, he found it a great thing that there were men who would pay for his... erm... 'services'. A night of fun AND coin? Man, these outlanders are DUMB! Win-win!

This was fine until we ended up in a heavily lawful region, & his latest 'friend' went missing the next morning (taken by the rogue's guild to warn the party rogue away from honing in on their turf).

Later we met with the captain of the local Purple Dragon Knights, who asked if we had any information about a missing merchant with green eyes & a red cloak.

Galorin: Oh! A missing merchant? That's TWO missing, then!

Captain: Two?

Galorin: Yes, I met a merchant last night. I shared his bed, & then he gave me present of gold coins. He had emerald eyes & a scarlet cloak, & a little sneaky man this morning told me he'd been taken prisoner!

Captain: So... your um, 'friend' had green eyes & a re...

Galorin, interrupting: No no, _emerald_ eyes & a _scarlet_ cloak.

Captain: Green...

Galorin, interrupting: emerald

Captain: eyes & a red...

Galorin, interrupting: scarlet

Captain: cloak.

Galorin, aside to party: (He doesn't listen well.)

He was quite confused to be thrown in jail just for having fun & getting paid for it, & emerged the next day (thanks to the party agreeing to help uncover the rogues) a somewhat humbled barbarian.

Later that session the party 'face' (name forgotten, oops) was negotiatirg with someone for a map, & as part of the deal he was offering the party's services (of a more conventional nature). Galorin starting tapping him on the shoulder while he was speaking...

Galorin: But...

Face: & we could certainly lead you...

Galorin: but...

Face: or even take care of...

Galorin: but...

Face: WHAT?!

Galorin: (meekly) ... don't let him pay you for it.

It became the party motto for the rest of the campaign... which, sadly, lasted until the end of that session. *sigh*

 

[Naathez]

This happened in a campaign I DMed a LONG time ago... it wasn't even D20.

Kraen the Rowl (Rowls were a kind of catfolk) is standing guard as the party sleeps in a clearing in a wood. he hears a noise, and decides to go investigate - but chooses first to wake up Pantz (NOT a pun in Italian) the Barbarian, a 7 foot tall mountain of muscle to tell him to guard the rest of the sleeping party while he's gone.

K: Pantz, I heard something. I'm going to have a look, you stay here and guard the others.
P: No. Dangerous, Pantz come with cat-man.
K: Er Pantz... that's not a good idea, you're a little -
P: PANTZ COME WITH CAT-MAN!
K: ookay....
Kraen walks in front, his softly padded feet making no noise on the undergrowth. And behind him comes Pantz, cracking EVERY branch, stepping on EVERY fallen leaf, and idly tapping his warhammer as he walks.
K: (exhasperated, turning around, glaring, and putting a finger to his lips): SHHHHH!!!
Pantz nods in understanding. Looks behind himself. Turns back to Kraen.
And says "Noone behind Pantz."

 

[Synchronicity]

In one adventuring party I was in, there were two orc barbarians who were brothers. Both had Int of 13 or 14, but weren't great at speaking Common, so they sounded stupid..and while they weren't stupid, they were..direct.

1st brother (to second brother): "Me go to meet girly-man noble and see what he want. If me not back by dawn, use Discretion."

Other party member: "You're actually asking him to use discretion?!" (Implied: and you know what it means?!)

2nd brother: "Of course." *holds up greatxe* "This Crusher." *holds up slightly smaller greataxe.* "This Discretion."