Great barbarian quotes

[Janx]

From Rau, my half-orc barbarian (now 20th level):

On parley:
"yes, I know how to parley. First we talk. Then they pi$$ me off and I kill them."

On clerics in combat:
"Heal me, woman!! Now!!!"

On dealing with talkative gnomes that turn out to be evil illusionists:
"I knew I should have killed that *!@$ing gnome when you were talking to him!"


On dealing with large monsters:
"Mine's dead, you done yet?"
Said to party after Rau killed one single handedly while the party took out the other gargantuan chaos roc.

On treasure that isn't better weapons and armor:
"All those rods, potions, wands and stuff is crap. When're we gonna get some real treasure?"

Just to pick a few.

 

[Romnipotent]

my refined noble barbarian once said.
"Garcon! There is a fly in my soup... A FLY IN MY SOUP!"
"Im terribly sorry, I'll get you another bowl"
"Good, and bring back more flies this time!"

up until this point he had seemed like the perfect gentleman, aristocrat3/monk2/Barbarian 4

way to greet the new party member too

 

[Andrew D. Gable]

The motto on the heraldric crest of my Welsh ancestors is some great barbarian words. Translated from Latin, "Life is short, glory is forever".

Said during the climactic battle in a campaign or shortly before some amazing act of valor, I reckon.

 

[Sugarmouse]

Had a Dwarven Skyraider called Lothair in ED once.

During one memorable fight: "Your blood on my axe, orc b***h!"

A fine Battle Shout that turned out to be very prophetic. She was higher circle too.

*wistful sigh*

 

[qstor]

I was DMing an LG game with a friend playing a half orc barbarian with a magic spiked chain. He attacked a rust monster and the chain failed it's Reflex save. Next round he threw the ramains of the chain and cried "Damm bug!" raged and proceeded to crush it to bits with his fists.

Mike

 

[The_Gneech]

First the set up -

It was a Living City game and we had just killed some kind of
monsters (can't remember what) that had gotten into a tavern and killed and started to eat the people there.

Now the delivery

DM - "A older woman runs up to your group out side the tavern "Please tell me was my husband in there, he said he was headed to the tavern about an hour ago"

Me playing my Hal-Orc Barb "Don't know what he look like gnawed on"

The whole table kinda looked at me funny the rest of the game.

Now that's comedy!

-The Gneech

 

[Rel]

I'm not normally much of a "barbarian guy" but I played one for a one-off at the first NC Game Day and had a blast. Aggro the Axe (Barb 1/Ranger 1, axe in each hand)

So we're pursuing a bard who has stolen a magic flute and set a fire to cover his tracks. I burst into the local guardhouse:

"Awake Guards!! There be flute-wielding arsonists about!"

*guards awake groggily*

"Alright, where is the LIQUOR!!"

*guards ask what the hell I'm talking about*

"I'm talking about this!" *holds out foppish bard had left at the scene of the crime* "The sort of man who would wear a hat like THIS shall not be suffered to LIVE!!" *storms out of guardhouse*

*guards look at each other* "Who was he?"

Later in the adventure...

"I smell JUSTICE!"

"He needs a good dose of JUSTICE!"

"There shall be JUSTICE TONIGHT!"

and

"EAT MY JUSTICE!!!"


I explained later that Aggro conflated the meanings of the words "Justice" and "Death".

Great fun. I'm not sure I could keep the intensity up for an entire campaign though.

 

[houser2112]

No! I vill not be rescued by voman! I vould be laughing stock of Northland. No voman would marry me! Some hero, me.
Eldorian Antar

This sounds like a quote by Kraki Kronarsson from Greg Costikyan's "Another Day, Another Dungeon". It's a very funny read, all the characters are overtly stereotypical for their class.

 

[Lord Judas]

I can't believe no one has quoted this from a recent Order of the Stick:

"Who will be the moron after Gortok's white-hot anger crushes your little body in a mangled bloody pulp while Gortok sings a jaunty little tune to accompany your unanswered cries for mercy?"

And my own from "Goth the Slayer"

"I am going to count my gold now. 1....2....uh....2.....2.....2...."

 

[JackGiantkiller]

from my first 3.0 PC, Asnhak (PC name and line both cribbed from Mary gentle's Grunts)

"Hand me another elf. This one's split."

"You go down the stinking hole, dwarf. I'm going through the door." (BLAM, no more door.)