Hey Ashrym:
No worries, debate just makes this fun!
I'm sticking with "meh" on light. If cantrips were more numerous I'd say go for it, but I tend to find, even at the best the wizard can expect (5), it's good to have flexibility with 2 damage cantrips, then there are much better utility cantrips to focus on. Even if others need two hands, the wizard him/herself can carry a torch.
Knock is one of those "you don't need it until you need it" spells. The major stupid thing about this is that it's not a ritual (and the loud noise, as you mention.) Probably style of play comes into this, but particularly at high levels when those level 2 slots become utility, knock is a good one to have on order whenever separated from the rogue.
I likewise remain not a fan of arcane lock. I can see the argument for it having utility use at high levels when those 2nd level slots are more for utility now, but at lower levels it's too situational and costly (unless you have a high gold game) to prioritize. Again, as a ritual, it would have been a lot better (though that wouldn't help in those emergency situations you mention.)
I think you're the first person I've seen make an argument for Crown of Madness (not saying there aren't others out there.) Fair point on the charmed condition, but the action economy of this spell is just bad, and a bad choice for a level 2 spell.
For bestow curse, the touch range is a killer. The problem is, even in the scenario you describe, you play tag with the target then hope he/she/it chases you across a glyph you set down some time ago. Probably a cool strategy if you pull it off, but I could see it going wrong in multiple ways too.
You make some fair points about confusion. The concentration hurts, but I can see your points otherwise. I may have the opportunity to use this in the fairly near future. I may see how that goes and adjust accordingly.
Thank you for your comments!