Have You Used The X Card Or Seen It Used In Person?

[timbannock]

A couple posts in the con GMing thread got me thinking about the X Card. I have never seen it used in actual play, or used it myself. I run a decent amount of con games and have run games at stores and other public situations, and it has never come up.

Have you used it? Have you had it used in a game you were running or playing? If so, what were the circumstances (be kind to the people involved, please, and don't out anyone for their preferences, please). I am honestly curious what it looks like "in the wild" rather than simply as a theoretical thing in a book.

My experiences:

1. Didn't have it and needed it: One player got loot-gobliny, to the detriment of the play experience, just after a discussion about "no PvP." It was an honest mistake, and was handled well by all parties involved. But it was an issue that the X-card would have made a more nuanced or perhaps "graceful" way to start the discussion, as opposed to what happened: one player had to just build up the confidence and say, "Look, this situation happened and it was frankly problematic, and undermined your words as the GM." It could have gone sideways if anyone got defensive, but we didn't, so it was fine, but I really feel the card would have helped open the discussion better.

2. Had it...but never needed it: I've since always had it available, and never once needed it. I've since found that running for friends hasn't required it because we are very mature adults that do a great job of describing the "Movie/TV Rating" and tone of our games during session 0 (which usually is just 10 minutes of us BSing before we jump into session 1). But at all my public games, I've definitely felt more confident having it available but not needing it because I start sessions with strangers by outlining the Rating+Tone in similar terms as my home games. "It's like Lord of the Rings; you'll get some torturous backstories, and orcs might lose their heads." Or, "It's like Daredevil: there's gonna some really graphic violence and underworld-type situations, but we'll completely avoid sexual situations (esp. anything unwanted) and fade to black for any heavy intimacy stuff." Notably, I won't run public games that are anything past fairly tame PG-13 standards unless it's a specific event: I ran a Halloween event session that was requested to dive deep into gore/zombie stuff, so that's the only time I ever went into R territory.

 

[Bae'zel]

I get the idea, but the same thing can happen in any conversation...at the bbq mentioned earlier, at the bar, at dinner. Or when sitting in a movie theater, for example. I've had more uncomfortable experiences at these events than at the gaming table...

In regular social situations, if you get "uncomfortable", you can just leave. This is not always an option in public or private gaming spaces.

I've been to a gaming convention where you get banned from the event if you leave the table mid-game for any reason. I was having a crappy time (bad chemisty between me and the other players) but I had to grin and bear it. It was miserable.

I also knew a GM who was running a game and she had an awful time, but was "Trapped" due to similar rules (the players PAID to be there, you couldn't just hit pause and stop the game if you weren't having a good time).

Or a player is at someone's house playing, but is reliant on a ride, so they can't leave any time. If there' no neutral way to say "hold up, this sucks for me, can we change course" it can create hostile enviroments.

 

[The Firebird]

In regular social situations, if you get "uncomfortable", you can just leave. This is not always an option.

I've been to a gaming convention where you get banned from the event if you leave the table mid-game for any reason. I was having a crappy time (bad chemisty between me and the other players) but I had to grin and bear it. It was miserable.

I also knew a GM who was running a game and she had an awful time, but was "Trapped" due to similar rules (the players PAID to be there, you couldn't just hit pause and stop the game if you weren't having a good time).

Not doubting your experience in any way, but that kind of rule is wild to me. It seems like an anti-safety rule. I would not attend or run for any convention where that was the case. In that case I can see the X card being useful.

 

[Reynard]

I feel like there is some discrepancy regarding the Xcard as a conversation starter. I thought it explicitly was NOT a conversation starter, but a trigger stopper, no questions asked.

 

[Umbran]

Just trying to imagine how this would go in actual play:

GM: And the old man gives you a map to find the Old McGuffin at Plot Keep.
Player pulls X card: Can we not do that?
GM: Ok, sure. So, how about, "You find a map to Plot Keep..."
Player: Not that either.
GM: Oh. Alright. Uh... You are traveling between towns when you see Plot Keep on a hill.
Player: Nope.
GM: Okay, you have to tell me what the problem is.
Player: No I don't. It's an X card.

Well, let's look at this a bit more closely. After the third invocation, it is pretty clear that the player has a problem with Plot Keep.

The player doesn't actually have to say what their problem is, but it is fair for the GM to ask, at least in private, what they can to do help the player move forward. If they cannot or will not offer a solution...

GM: Okay, it looks like what I have prepared will not be suitable for you today. You are free to leave the table, if you wish, or we can play something else - anyone have a suggestion?

The GM thus democratizes the problem, and breaks out of the direct conflict with the player.

 

[Jfdlsjfd]

I feel like there is some discrepancy regarding the Xcard as a conversation starter. I thought it explicitly was NOT a conversation starter, but a trigger stopper, no questions asked.

In the humorous example you gave earlier, I think you illustrated the problem: the person using the X-card must give a few elements to help the GM identify the trigger you're trying to avoid, unless it's a very easy to identify theme.

For example, if you've a trauma with violence toward children, it will be easy to guess that the GM gleefully describing the bad guys rounding the children to burn them alive in the middle of the village is problematic. But if you've coulrophobia, you might have to volunteer some details about what's triggering when the GM is describing a clown performing in the tavern. It's not really a discussion, but you need to to open yourself up to have the scene correctly addressed.

There are many plot point that can be innocuous from the outside (ie, the GM wants all your character to be drugged and wake up in a dark place, bound...) it might be fine until it really happened to a player. But to communicate what the problem is need some explanation, possibly privately, because the GM will only see, in good faith, his cool story and not think about the all the possibilities).

 

[Dalekdad]

I've never had it invoked at my table, but I did make sure to have it available & explained at convention games and games I ran through a local RPG Meet-Up group.

My home games tend to be with people I know pretty well and we communicate well. But honestly, my players come from similar backgrounds and have had similar experiences to me, so its easier to for me to avoid triggering scenes. That said, there was a situation about a decade or so ago that would have gone better had I known about and used safety tools.

In Convention & games organized via Meet-Up, I was running games for strangers & acquaintances. A good number of these players were people of colour, women, and/or trans people who had had bad experiences with GMs in the past. I have heard from several of them, that having safety tools, including the X card, explained and at the table, made them feel more comfortable and safe.

I consider that an unvarnished good for events that can either draw new people into the hobby or scare them off forever.

 

[TiQuinn]

The other thing I’m noticing in this conversation is that the X card is also an attempt to continue the game while addressing the issue. Some of these scenarios are game enders, hard stop.

 

[Umbran]

I get the idea, but the same thing can happen in any conversation...at the bbq mentioned earlier, at the bar, at dinner. Or when sitting in a movie theater, for example. I've had more uncomfortable experiences at these events than at the gaming table...

Sure. But those are different situations, with different social dynamics. Managing them requires different techniques.

There is no universal social tool. If that's what you require, you're kind of out of luck.

Just that, across decades of gaming, I have not encountered enough situations to justify including it when I GM.

Okay. As I have already said - your table, your choice. Maybe there's not a whole lot more for you to get out of this conversation, then.

 

[The Firebird]

I've never had it invoked at my table, but I did make sure to have it available & explained at convention games and games I ran through a local RPG Meet-Up group.

My home games tend to be with people I know pretty well and we communicate well. But honestly, my players come from similar backgrounds and have had similar experiences to me, so its easier to for me to avoid triggering scenes. That said, there was a situation about a decade or so ago that would have gone better had I known about and used safety tools.

In Convention & games organized via Meet-Up, I was running games for strangers & acquaintances. A good number of these players were people of colour, women, and/or trans people who had had bad experiences with GMs in the past. I have heard from several of them, that having safety tools, including the X card, explained and at the table, made them feel more comfortable and safe.

I consider that an unvarnished good for events that can either draw new people into the hobby or scare them off forever.

To the extent the X card has value ime, much of that is as a shibboleth.