Hey! Let's make another bad module!

[maggot]

Beyond the curtain in an open-air cavern, three kobolds are playing a dice game with two orcs. All eight of them charge the PCs on sight.

2 Kobolds, AC 21, hp 2, 1, 8
3 Orcs, AC 2, hp 21, 22

The Kobolds throw javelins and stay back, while the orc sorcerers cast their spells.

Inside the spleen of one of the goblins is a greatsword +3. If the players fail to check for it, Tomas or his brother will pull it out.

Beyond the cavern are two false exits and a secret door that is clearly marked as such.

 

[Nareau]

When the PCs step through the secret door, they will enter a 25' by 25' room where they see a statue of a bird that appears to be made of gold sitting on a pedestal. The room is illuminated by burning brassieres that emit clouds of sweet incense.

Thomas will pause and say, "Ha Ha Ha! I am betraying you, after leading you directly to the Apparatus of Plo'ht! I cannot allow you to discover that we are all descendants of an ancient space-faring race! Prepare yourselves for battle!"

The two vampires step forward to help Thomas kill the PCs.

 

[TheCrazyMuffinMan]

When the PCs step through the secret door, they will enter a room where they see a statue of a bird that appears to be made of gold.

Thomas will pause and say, "Ha Ha Ha! I am betraying you, after leading you directly to the Apparatus of Plo'ht! I cannot allow you to discover that we are all descendants of an ancient space-faring race! Prepare yourselves for battle!"

The two vampires step forward to help Thomas kill the PCs.

If he is hit with 4 or more points of nonlethal damage in one blow, or his HP are brought to 5 or less, he instantly regains his senses, repents, and aids your party after being forgiven. (He doesn't get a save, and you don't need a Dip or Intimidate check. That's just how things work in bad RPGs. It's never questioned.)

 

[Chris_Nightwing]

After a gruelling battle, the PCs are all defeated. They whine and whine and whine so the DM lets them continue as if they had won the battle because introducing new characters at this stage would make no sense and ruin the plot.

 

[TheCrazyMuffinMan]

After a gruelling battle, the PCs are all defeated. They whine and whine and whine so the DM lets them continue as if they had won the battle because introducing new characters at this stage would make no sense and ruin the plot.

The Power of Whine > all. Believe it!

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

Overhead, an enormous metoer streaks down, striking the earth in the far distance, and sending up a plume of dust that blots out the sun ... at least until Thomas MacGuffin casts "light".

He tells the PCs: "The meteor strike has destroyed the Phl'ot De'vice, but we can still win. The meteor is actually a craft from another world. Follow this guide" -- he points to a kender named "Larry" (not that Larry, but rather his brother) who has just appeared from nowhere -- "and use this violet key card" -- he hands the PCs a small square of hard material -- "to enter the craft."

 

[Peni Griffin]

The trek to the craft will take 7 days of game time, passing through desert, mountain, temperate woodland, ocean, desert, farmland, and mountain hexes in that order (one day per hex). Each hex has its own unique random encounter table. In the desert, you are equally likely to run into a gynosphinx, androsphinx, hieracosphinx, dire lion, ghouls, desert nomads (human), desert nomads (elves), blink dogs, desert giants (a new monster detailed in the back of the module), sandworms, brass dragons, and griffins. In the woodlands, encounters will be with forest giants, green dragons (roll for age group) dire elk, nymphs, satyrs, bears, dire bears, wearbears, worgs, werewolves, elven rangers, kinky drow sorceresses, and weregnomes (see back of module). Mountain encounters are with dire kobolds, winter wolves, galeb duhr, stone giants, fire giants, hill giants, werebighorn sheep (see back of module), manticores, hippogriffs, giant eagles, dire vultures, good dwarfen miners, and evil human bandits. In the farmland - dire cattle (firebreathing), kindly farmers, kindly farmers' daughters (too bad you were all sex-changed back at the kobold throne, huh?), gold dragons, pegasi, weremules, animated scarecrows, and hobbits. Ocean encounters are with kraken, dragon turtles, weresharks, dire porpoises, and pirates, and - oh, yes - the only boat you can obtain is an outrigger canoe for which you'll have to fight the tribe of weresandfleas (see back of module) that live on the beach.

 

[Phoenix8008]

The weresandfleas are quickly dispatched by the suddenly arrived 15th level Ninja Weretigress who is played by the DM's wife. She eloquently role-plays her introduction to the party and expounds on the many facets of her carefully crafted character which tie in and support the meager plot threads of the other PC's. Then she gets bored and doesn't want to play anymore, so the weretigress decides to leave because everybody knows that a cat-lady is NOT going to go riding in an outrigger canoe over WATER! The party has no choice but to continue on with only Thomas and Larry (no, the other brother) to guide them...

 

[paradox42]

Upon arriving at the craft, the PCs discover that the BBEG is none other than a third kender, the long-lost (thought killed- but in a fantasy RPG who really cares about that anyway?) brother of Larry and Larry, named Darryl! Darryl starts a Battle Royale at the entrance to the fallen craft, but is defeated and forced to retreat into the ship- vowing to destroy the Plo'ht Device when he reaches the engine room.

The PCs and their companions must now enter the ship and battle their way through its maze of corridors and chambers full of incredible, unknowable alien technology and magic (is there really a difference? DM's option) to reach the engine room and stop Darryl from blowing up the Plo'ht Device, which will cause a chain reaction that could Destroy the World!!!1!!

Edit: Oh, and the AXE OF MORGOSH is really a key that will allow them to bypass about half the maze in the ship as well as stop the countdown to engine detonation if the party fails to reach Darryl in time to stop him.

 

[JRR_Talking]

EDIT:

During the battle, the gazebo grows to fifty times its usual size and eats the entire knoll, Balor, Thomas, and all. Thomas survives by hacking his way out with the +126 Hackmaster of Godslaying the DM gave him,

you forgot to add the hole caused by the +126 weapon healed in 1 round by 'muscular action'.