Ashwyn said:
That's how I feel too. Getting diagnosed with Diabetes helped explain a few things, but there are still other things that I have no idea of what could be the cause. I have trouble with my memory and concentration and i think that's ADD, and I am working on getting that diagnosed and treated if that's the case.
I have lots of concentration problems too, and some memory problems too, so I can relate there, although I'm pretty sure mine is down to depression rather than ADD (I certainly manifest a lot more depression symptoms than ADD symptoms). I'd be a hypocrite telling you to go right to the doctor, because it's what I have to do, and I'm avoiding it too.
(I have to find a new doctor first and it's a *hassle*.)
Ashwyn said:
But there's something else that's really bizarre and a little scary. When I get inspired to go write something, I feel excited about it, like I always have, but then that feeling is replaced by what I can only call the opposite, complete and total desirelessness. I have never heard of anyone else having something like this happen, so I'm not hopeful of it being fixed. It's happening more frequently every day, and it really hurts my ability to get anything done. It just plain hurts, actually.
Hey, you're very much not alone in that! Alt just posted he gets the same thing, and so do I - especially with games I'm running, where after a very short while inspiration just seems to run out. After that, it gets very hard to generate new ideas on it or even want to have anything to do with it. For the record that's something else I attribute to depression, it's symptomatic of a general lack of motivation that pervades my whole life. (Sucks, doesn't it?)
Ashwyn said:
Another part of it is my brain breaking things down to their basic level, and removing the enjoyment from them. For example, movies and video games get broken down into a formula in my head, and the only enjoyment I get is from new ones, but I quickly grow bored of them. I can't replay any of my games, even if there is a very different experience in doing so. I just become completely bored with the things that are the same. Maybe I'm just in a rut and it's manifesting itself that way, I don't know. But if it keeps going like this, I'm going to end up with no enjoyment in life at all.
Hm. I enjoy familiar stuff, but anything in your head that's sucking the joy out of things you ought to be enjoying sounds like very nasty depression to me. I'm not a doctor and I can't diagnose you, but it sounds to me like you should be going to a doctor and having a long chat with them, to see if you could be on medication that would help.
Ashwyn said:
I gave up on my D&D campaign setting because it just all devolved in my head into mix x with y, rinse, and repeat. I realized it's the rules tripping me up, so I'm going to get back into it with just the creative aspect, and deal with the rules later. Rules really shut my brain down. With my script writing for my show, I am able to not worry about rules, I just write it the way I want and do what I find funny. I'm not sure why I let the rules bog me down when it comes to D&D. I need to just create, that's what I'm good at. If need be, I can ask someone for help with the rules part. I just feel like I have to do everything, which is a completely different problem.
Again - I know exactly what you mean! One of the things that completely freezes me out when creating RPG stuff is focusing on the rules too much or too early. I found the best way to deal with that for me was to get a good handle on the flavour of my setting first and then decide whether D&D is the best system to deal with it. (If not, there are lots of other systems to look at!) My advice would be to stop worrying about the rules or even what system you're going to use for it, just create what you want to create.
Ashwyn said:
I don't know why this is, but music seems to "fix" my brain, especially if I am wearing headphones. When I have headphones on, and am listening to something upbeat I am able to think clearly. I am very easily manipulated by music. Whatever emotion is conveyed in the music I feel really strongly. I have to avoid sad songs as much as possible, unless I really need a good cry to clear out my system. The more I think about it the more I realize my brain is not a normal brain. I think of that as both bad and good. I'm able to see things that other people can't, in words and puzzles and things like that. Comedy especially. I'm grateful for that, but it's useless unless I can get something done.
Hm, I like music too and find it very affecting at times. (It has to be good music though.)
What the hell is normal, anyway? Everybody has a different mindset and different capabilities. That's normal. On top of that, you're in the Hivemind! (Serious moment coming up.) I'll tell you for absolute certain that almost all of us are unusually intelligent or perceptive in some way, and the majority of the "Hive core" have self-worth issues, depression or other emotional issues, abusive childhoods, or some combination. That's part of the reason we were all hanging around at the same time talking to each other and not dealing with our lives.
Don't think you're abnormal for being abnormal. You're who you are, that's enough for us - OK?
And my email offer still stands. Talk to you later, li'l bear.
