Holiday Home Game of IRON DM

Naw, I'd give Imhotepthewise a pretty decent rating for his. I prefer 1-2 thousand words myself, but he gives a pretty decent scenario design.

Imhotepthewise, I'll still critique yours myself :D.

incognito: A tough call. Your RBC entry was better editted, had some very creative elements, a tragic love story, fascinating NPCs, and political possibilities. The three dwarven daughters, however, was even more politically yummy, less likely to be circumvented at the end, also had some very creative elements, and used the ingredients better. Overall, I'd have to go with Sharlizze’s Angels, on the 1/2 point in the ingredients column, but it's barely a dwarf daughter's whisker ahead of the Players on the High Seas.
 

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originally posted by seasong
Overall, I'd have to go with Sharlizze’s Angels, on the 1/2 point in the ingredients column, but it's barely a dwarf daughter's whisker ahead of the Players on the High Seas.

Heh. I am glad to hear that. It's nice when pro's pat my stuff on the head. The other thing I am really proud of though, is that no stupid spell breaks the scenario. That is a BIG problem with many adventures. (IMHO).

...and you know you're biased againt those Bird feather tokens, right? (mmm...yummy!)
 



Here is my second whack at this entry

Paladin's holy mount
Gargantuan fire beetle
Crippled rogue
Flooded mine
Diary
Intelligent Greatsword

I've Fallen and I can't get up

An adventure for character levels 4 through 6.

Characters entering an abandoned mining complex find two interesting encounters.

The noble steed

Ganalon, the grey steed, had served his master for many years. The steed had found it difficult to leave the Paladin's body, but there was no longer any hope. His master had died of his wounds before returning home from the quest. It was accoutered as finely as his master could manage. His tack and saddle were of the finest leather with silver and gold plated pieces throughout. His master's saddlebags were still attached, and the greatsword Bradensheen was sheathed at the pommel. He had remained on guard at his master's corpse for some time, plenty of fodder and water was easily available nearby. The saddle had not been off in days and his master's blood had encrusted the seat and stained the horse's flanks. It was beginning to cause him some discomfort. They were too far from anyone to help the warrior or help his holy mount from helping him. The horse was feeling the call to return from whence it came.

The crippled rogue

Neviester Stedenliesh had be finally caught red handed by the Duke. And, as the noble promised him long ago, lost his ears and tongue to the executioner's hooked knife. The executioner took great joy in lancing Nev's ears with a wicked awl. He was tied to a nag and turned out from the city of his birth. Lured by greed from the apprenticeship in the Duke's stables, he now had much to regret. Now, deaf and dumb, he freed himself of the nag first and sometime later freed his bonds and found shelter in the woods some days from his home city.

Diary

The paladin, Zairian Andromere, was of a monastic order who demanded that besides rigorous weapons training, the noble knights must be literate and reflective. As such, each paladin of the order kept a strict diary to record their adventures, and more importantly, their feelings.

Bradensheen

A mighty greatsword of ancient lineage. The soul of Bradensheen is distilled from the combined souls of Andromere's family. It is wise and fatherly. Bradensheen speaks telepathically with any who touch it. It can understand any language. The greatsword is a terrible machine of destruction in the hands of a paladin good and brave.

The cave complex

Left abandoned months ago due to a miscalculation on a generous water vein, the flooded mines were now home to the one creature who could not physically leave. The gargantuan fire beetle was a mobile light source for the miners who now wandered the drier sections of the mines that were above the level of the flooding. The sloping main passage to the surface was too narrow for the magically enlarged beetle to negotiate. It is still loath to explore the flooded tunnels it could fit in to find another escape. It wanders the tunnels for whatever edible fare it can find to support its bulk. It is always hungry.

The two wanderers cross paths

Answering the call of home, the holy mount travelled south many days, avoiding encounters, until it passed along a trail through a thick copse of trees where it was caught unawares by a human rogue dropping onto its back from above. The rogue, adept at riding, was able to keep the saddle as the wiley mount attempted to throw or scrape the rogue off on passing trees. Plunging into an open area, they ran headlong into a into an open abandoned mineshaft and fall scores of feet to splash into a deep pool below. Each is unhurt. There is a large raft tied nearby, and the rogue helps the near panicked mount onto the top of it. Breathing hard, they both eye each other warily. The mount knows the rogue is a horseman, and has been chafed sorely by his saddle which he cannot remove. The rogue removes the saddle and tends the mounts wounds with ointment from the paladin's saddlebags. The mount notices the rogue's silence and the fact he has no ears. When he is done, the rogue picks up the sheathed greatsword to move it aside. The sword speaks to him, startling him. They have a long conversation about how the mount came to be riderless and how the rogue came to be minus tongue and ears, making him mute and deaf. The sword told the rogue that as long as he held it, the sword would allow him to speak to anyone telepathically, including the mount. The mount and sword encourage the rogue to help them get out of the complex and return to the family of the paladin. The rogue goes through the saddlebags more carefully and finds a diary with information that will allow him to find the paladin's family.

Hook #1. The adventurer's have entered a cave complex with flooded passages around its perimeter. Within the perimeter of dry caves, the party has continually fled from a gargantuan fire beetle. They explore the caves and find they have many areas that the beetle cannot follow. If they feed it, it will be docile and follow them everywhere. It is an excellent light source for the dark mine passages it fits into.

Hook #2. The adventurer's have entered a cave complex with flooded passages around its perimeter. They encounter the rogue, mount, and sword on the raft. The sword allows the rogue to communicate with the party. They can travel around the complex on this and other rafts floating loose in the flooded passages. The beetle cannot harm anyone on the raft unless it comes close enough.

Hook #3. The sword allows the rogue and mount to converse with the adventurer's. The rogue could be convinced to surrender the sword to a capable fighter to allow them to defeat the beetle.

Hook #4. The family of the paladin will be grateful for the return of the sword and diary, and to know where the body lies.

Hook #5. The diary describes the magnificent armor the paladin was given. The body of the paladin is armored with that magical plate mail.

Hook #6. The mount will be glad to be free of the saddle and cave complex. The tack and saddle are gorgeous and valuable.

Hook #7. The paladin's saddlebags contain an affecionate letter from the paladin's grandmother, who is a high priestess of a healing god's order. She would be able to heal the rogue in gratitude for returning the paladin's effects.

Hook #8. Dispel Magic or Reduce on the beetle will allow it enough room to scurry out of the mines. If the party has been kind to it and fed it, they will have a hard time getting rid of the mobile floodlight.

How about that?
 

Imhotepthewise: Wow - what a difference!

I will post a seasong vs. Imhotepthewise critique! You both deserve as much for putting in the effort

...well, at least you deserve it, Seasong seems to type 13,456 word per minute (all spelled correctly), and has soome time to burn!
 

My typing skillz be legend, yo.

I was hoping to be able to post a bunch of new scenarios today, but it's not happening. The holiday rush at work is just too much.

I look forward to the critique and judgement!
 

*bump*

(I can't believe I'm bumping my own lazzzzzy butt)

edit: I wonder if edditing couts as a *BUMP*: answer...Nope
 
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"I must have dazzled you both with my superior write-fu combinations"

OK, maybe, but actually I've been swampled with two new projects, and it's preventing my Kung-fu critique.

I have re-read both entires, and will try to get something out todday!
 

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