1) The distinction between grapple attacker and defender.
That is usually because one of the two wants the grapple (because it's stronger) and the other doesn't (because it's weaker).
But maybe you can just remove the distinction.
As long as only one of the two wants the grapple to continue, the other needs to make a check to break free, but if both want the same thing there is no need to check, either they both end the grapple or keep grabbing each other.
In the case of my previous suggestion, all three options are there available to both characters:
Option A - Deal unarmed damage with an opposed grapple check, using one of your attacks
Option B - Force your target to move with you with an opposed strength check, using your move action
Option C - Escape the grapple with a grapple or escape artist check (vs opponent's grapple check), using one of your attacks
With the caveat that C automatically succeeds if the opponent forgoes his own check because he agrees to end the grapple.
2) The limited but extensive list of actions you can take while grappling. Exacerbated by 1) above.
5) The hardcore bondage and pinning options also annoy me.
If that stuff got removed, I think I could live with grappling.
I agree. 99% of the time the reasons why starting a grapple are (a) deal damage more effectively (this is normally useful only for monsters who can for example swallow you whole after grabbing you, but your PC might have some special ability too) or (b) force-moving someone (including also forcing it
not to move).
So these are the 2 things you need to have a rule for, everything else IMHO is too specialized to be useful/interesting for the majority of the gaming groups...