Monkey Boy said:
I've been playing with a small group of friends for 4 years. For the last couple of months the games have been 20 minutes of fun in 3 hours. I spend 2 hours commuting to play and return home feeling like I have wasted my time.
I go to sessions more out of a sense of loyalty than anything else. If I leave the group it will probably collapse given its small size. Some of the group live for DnD so quitting messes them around. I feel guilty for leaving them in the lurch as they are friends. The problem is that I am not enjoying it and haven't for months. I want to leave.
It would be helpful to understand WHY the game is only 20 minutes of fun in 3 hours. It would also be helpful if you clarified if your round-trip commute is 2 hours or 4 hours, since it sounds like some folks are interpreting it as the latter, not the former. Some folks are assuming the game isn't fun because of the system, but that may be more due to the phrase '20 minutes in 3 hours', which is paraphrasing a quote from Ryan Dancey's blog (frequently and incorrectly attributed TO Dancey, who didn't say it).
First off, the 'cherish your friends' discussion has little to do with your decision about the game, per se. If these folks are your friends, one would think they would understand if you were finding the commute to be problematic. If the commute is the sole problem, then understanding friends would (if their commute is less) either try to find a way to accommodate you or understand if you didn't want to engage in such a commute so regularly. Friendship is a two-way street.
If the problem is within the context of the game, then you need to decide what, if anything is the problem. Have your tastes changed from that of your friends? Are your friends spending too much time doing non-game activities for your enjoyment? Is the problem that the system is hindering gameplay or is not to your liking? Determinng the source of the problem helps to determine what the solution is likely to be.
Put another way: if the quality of the game suddenly increased, would the commute be worth it? Three hours is a short time...I'm guessing this is a weeknight game? What are the options of a weekend game? If the game is as important to the other players as you believe, than I expect that they'd be willing to compromise with a nearer location or less difficult time.
Assuming that leaving is your best option: Be upfront about it. There's no reason to bandy about the bush or try and sugar-coat it. If these people really are your friends, then they'll accept it and move on. Simply explain that you've come to realize that for whatever reason, as much as you enjoy the company of the other players, the game is simply not proving that fun for you. Explain in simple terms why, and then explain what your course of action is. You may be surprised at how understanding and accommodating your friends would be on this point. They might even suggest something like what you see in "Full Frontal Nerdity", with one character who's only present at the game via a web-cam and speaker.
Life is too short to continue doing something you don't enjoy simply out of politeness. If these guys are really your friends, then they should be able to either accept it or help you find a solution. If they're not, at least you've found that out, now.
