I will also admit that as I've gotten older I'm less inclined to "fridge" background characters and am more looking for other conflicts. Having the one character's mother be high up in the priesthood generated a lot of frission between the party and that character before we got to the "dramatic" kidnapping. Having the two siblings as rivals to the other PC and having them all trying to one-up each other in the eyes of their own mother[*] got the whole party pulled into a bit of family drama that didn't involve having to threaten any of their characters (it made for a fun "campaign loss" when we had a near TPK and that PC's sister showed up with her own squad to save them all and put the party into her debt). The players are also more willing to invest in their background elements when they know that they're giving me hooks that aren't just "here's a character to set me up to rescue/grieve later" and instead are giving me people they'll get to have more interaction with.This is the kind of collaboration I like. Boundaries are set, but not everything is spelled out. I feel I can relax and play without feeling like the DM is going to wring out every possible sorrow in search of "the drama".
[*] It makes it sound like everyone in that group had mommy issues - it was just the two characters I swear, everyone else had their own quirks.