How keen is too keen?

[wedgeski]

I always meet new potential players away from the house before inviting them to the group..

My god, absolutely. I don't have a sense of humour about inviting someone into my home; if I have even the slightest bit of unease or doubt, it's a polite goodbye and done.

 

[S'mon]

Trust your feelings, Kzach. You know damn well this guy is not going to work out.

 

[Sammael]

It is my experience that you should listen to your gut feeling when it comes to situations like this.

 

[Connallmac]

I'd meet with him. Somewhere neutral and far from my actual home, just to be safe. It's not like you have to spend much time talking to him if you don't like him. Just have a coffee and a chat, it's not like it's a committment.

cheers.

This is it exactly. I met up with a group online about six months ago. After a few emails back and forth, the GM invited myself and another potential player to meet for coffee. We sat and chatted for a good hour or so and got a feeling that this was a good fit.

Bottom line is that if he is making you that uncomfortable then follow your instincts, but you may be throwing away a diamond in the rough who just needs an opening and perhaps a bit of gentle coaching. Ours is a small tribe, and we're better off being inclusive of one another. Try a public meeting first and see how it goes. Just don't be afraid to say, "Sorry, but I just don't think you're a good fit for the group.".

 

[DEFCON 1]

If you've received three emails in a 18 hour period, one or more of which are asking why you haven't replied yet... that tells you all you need to know right there.

You wanted 30+ presumably because you all have jobs, responsibilities and lives outside of the game. You all have to take things slower and a bit more casual, as that's part of being an adult with adult responsibilities.

Someone who is 23 and whose life is moving so fast and is online so much that they think not receiving a response the very next day means it's time to start pinging is obviously someone who most likely will never be on the same wavelength or timetable as you (and presumably your group).

 

[jonesy]

I've already received three emails from him and the last was asking why I hadn't replied. I got his first email late last night and it's mid-afternoon now.

Yeah, no. Imagine how much he'll send you messages when you actually are in contact with him.

 

[nedjer]

I see the potential complications; but also that you see him as a decent guy.

I'd kind of got past it by 13, but I can remember the thirst for play and the guy could be posting so often to try to persuade you, i.e. he knows he's being interviewed and doesn't meet one of the criteria, so wants to impress. Perhaps the declared age limit could be used to justify a trial period. Then if the puppy turns toxic the door's still open?

 

[Janx]

if you let the toxic puppy in, you'll have fallout in your house when you discover he's radioactive.

Defcon nailed it. The kid has no clue that you are slowly, methodically assembling a group. That means urgent emails don't happen, and infact, reveal a lack of patience that you are looking for.

 

[concerro]

So, I have an advertisement up to recruit D&D players. In it I ask for thirty-plus folk as a preference and maturity as a requirement. I got an email from an interested party saying they were twenty-three. This I don't have a problem with, but the maturity aspect... well... let's just say there is keen and then there is keen.

This dude comes across as quite immature and extremely desperate to play. I've already received three emails from him and the last was asking why I hadn't replied. I got his first email late last night and it's mid-afternoon now.

My gut reaction is to say no to this guy but I can tell he'll take that badly. Then again, he could just be coming across badly in email and maybe he'd be a good player, I don't know, but if I open up the door to meet him in person, it'll just make it all the more awkward to shut him out later on.

For the record, I'm trying to create a long-term, stable, regular gaming group with similar play-styles to my own. So, should I refuse this dude now or meet him first and decide later?

EDIT: Just for clarity, I should point out that there is an interview process in place here. I just feel bad about saying no to someone who is so keen and doesn't actually seem like a bad person.

I can't really say. From what you have here he seems enthusiastic, but that does not mean he is immature. I am not vouching for him of course since I don't know him, but I guess more signs of immaturity are needed before I can throw a label on someone.

 

[BriarMonkey]

I throw my hat into the ring of meeting him somewhere for an "interview" and then going from there.

The whole email thing I would wager is somewhat cultural. The young now-a-days have never really had to deal with things like not having a cell phone (much less a "smart" phone), having a dial-up connection, not having Facebook, having a landline (much less a rotary phone), not having an email address, and actually using snail mail. They tend to be mostly "twitch-interneters" and expect things in near real-time. (Heck, if we had "real-time" anything while I was in the service it was as though a miracle happened!) They tend to not realize that things move differently in the real world - especially when dealing with people that have real world commitments and don't feel the need to be connected 24/7.

<shrug>

Just my bits.